Punch (76.1879)

June 14, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 265

ANALYSIS.

Lady. "Why did you leave your last Place?"
Cook. "Timpee, M'um."

Lady. "Temper! But when I'm put out myself, I show
annoyed !"

Cook. "Oh, I don't mind a m'rose Timpee, M'um—a revengeful Timper
I likes ; but a Timper as goes a nag-nag-naggin' Mornin', Noon, and
Night, won't do with me ! !"

INDIAN NOTES AND QUERIES.

Peace with honour again! Hooray! Peace with
Afghanistan. Not peace at any price. Peace at the
price of only sixty thousand a year subsidy to Yakoob
Khan. Can Sir Garnet Wolseley haye received
instructions to conclude peace on the same terms, if
possible, with Cetewayo ?

Peace for India at a pretty considerable price!—but
with something to show for it. A scientific frontier,
into the bargain. An effectual bar to the advance of
Russia at quite a moderate price. Cheap defence of
nations!

But suppose now, Mr. Bull, we were in the place of
the Russians, and the Russians in ours; they being on
the Indian side of our scientific frontier and we on the
other: we knowing what we have now come to know
about the value of our Indian possessions. Should
we in that case, think you, cherish any designs upon
India ? Shouldn't we rather, in the event of any
rumpus with Russia, think it well for us that the occu-
pation of India employed a large portion of the Russian
army, and withheld all that number of Russian troops
out of the way ? Should we desire in the least to
deprive the Russians of India; or should we, on the
contrary, be most decidedly disposed to allow the Czar
to preserve his Indian Empire unmolested, and wish
him joy of it ?

Can't be Right, any Way.

" Short Service systems " Galloway indicts;
Havelock wants " the Office " set to-rights.
Be "System" or be "War-Office" to blame,
John Bull 's without an Army, all the same ;
Which—as he pays for one some Fifteen Millions—
If he still stands, he's silliest of silly 'uns !

Very Lucky.

It is announced that the Stratford-on-Avon, Evesham,
and Redditch Junction Railway has just been opened
for passenger and other traffic. Happily, the exigences
of the Junction Railway did not require that the House
of Shakspeare should be demolished in order to the
erection of a Station !

Query—for the Vatican.—Was the new French
Cardinal Pie chosen for his Pie-ty ?

Italia Irrequieta.—With Etna in eruption, and
Garibaldi in full blast!

ALARMING TO NO COMMON DEGREE!

[According to Professor Odling.)

Scene—An Oxford College Garden during Commemoration JVeek.
Fair Visitors and New Graduate promenading.

First Fair Visitor. Well, if we shall not see you at either of the
Balls, the Flower-Show, or the Concert, you will at least secure a
boat, and take us down to Nuneham. You will not refuse us this P

New Graduate (moved). Alas! I must; fori do not possess that
culture which would enable me deftly to handle the oar, or even the
modest punting-pole.

Second Fair Visitor. You surprise us much. We have always
conceived the Oxford graduate a man of developed capacity, for
whom the word " impossible " had no meaning.

Third Fair Visitor. Yes, there is nothing that is beyond the
intellectual grasp of our brother Plantagenet. Since he has taken
his degree, even Bradshaw and the new Lawn-Tennis Rules have
been to him no mystery ; while you-?

New Graduate {passionately). Nay, chide me not, but consider
what is culture. Your worthy brother has been through six books
of Homer, and mastered Plato with the aid of a literal translation.
Nay, he has conjugated the verb tutt™ with but few mistakes. He
has, in a word, been grappling with that Greek language, even the
partial mastery of which is a condition of the highest educational
training.

First Fair Visitor. Yet you wear the elegant gown that denotes
the degree of an Oxford Bachelor. Is this an empty symbol ?

New Graduate [proudly). No. I can talk to you by the hour of
the hyperphosphatcs, the air-pump, the habits of the Mastodon, and
on the advantages of the three-foot gauge. My rooms are the resort

of mechanics, chemists, contractors, and philosophers. My bosom
friend is an enthusiastic butterman with a new patent. Speak to
me of these things, and I will respond. But do not try me further.

Second Fair Visitor. But surely, as Canon Liddon has gracefully
pointed out, your education should have aimed at developing a
general capacity rather than at attaining a particidar hind of know-
ledge .

Third Fair Visitor. Yes, education should be more careful to
discipline faculties than to accumulate facts.

New Graduate (with suppressed emotion). Stay ; it is useless to
taunt me. I confess it all. I lack those habits of exactness and
refinement, without which it is, as the good Canon says, impossible to
reach the higher characteristics of an educated man !

First Fair Visitor (starting). Then you are not—a, B.A. ?

New Graduate (solemnly). No, alas! I am—a B.N.S. !

(Tableau. Curtain.)

ti

Approach me as the rugged Russian Bear."

" The Academy of Sciences has elected Professor Huxley a corresponding
Member in the section of anatomy and zoology, in the place of the late Kus-
sian naturalist, Baer."

A proud tribute to Lord Beaconsfield's spirited foreign policy.
Even on the neutral ground of Science, the Russian Bear makes way
for Huxley ! _

what we may well find hard.

To praise an Army without a good deal more Reserve than they
have at the War Office.

vol. lxxvt. a a