Punch: Punch (83.1882)

10

QUITE A LITTLE
HOLIDAY.

An excellent Charitable
Institution, St. Peter’s
Hospital, Covent Garden,
was formally opened last
Thursday, St. Peter’s Day.
Among the “patrons and
friends” present at the
ceremony, was H.E. Car-
dinal Manning. Quite
right. How delighted His
Eminence must have been
on finding himself let in
for (according to the
Morning Post report) ‘ ‘ a
brief religious office, con-
ducted by the Bishop of
St. Albans,” assisted by
the choir of St. Andrews,
Wells Street, and, finally,
at having to receive the
blessing of the Establish-
ment at the hands of the
Bishop of St. Albans,
who “ pronounced the bene-
diction.” “Benediction
coram Cardinali,” mur-
mured His Eminence to
himself. “Well — I am
blessed !—but no matter,”
he continued to a friend,
who had pointed out what
a consolation this scene
would afford to Dr. Pusey,
in addition to His Emi-
nence’s recent change of
opinion on the Deceased
Wife’s Bill—“ Ho matter;

I one blessing from the
j Bishop of St. ‘ All bans ’
j won’t do me much harm.”

[July 8, 1882.

ON PUBLIC GROUNDS.

If Mr. James, M.P. for
Gateshead, instead of both-
ering Mr. Shaw Lefevbe
about Regent’s Park, where
there is already plenty of
ground open to the public,
would stir up the First
Commissioner to inquire
into the condition of Mud-
Salad Market, and the
blockade of the streets
thereabouts, he would do
a good and popular service,
as considerable correspond-
ence on the subject sent to
us testifies. If he would
further inquire into the
locks, bolts, and barriers
on the Duke of Bedford’s
property, Tavistock and
Gordon Square way, en
route for Euston Station,
he would earn the title of
M.P. for Open-Gateshead,
and Londoners would be
glad to bestow it upon him.

The Battle of Waterloo
has been won by Blucher
de Keyser, Sheriff in esse,
Lord Mayor in posse.

0 Waterlow !

Why did you so

Oppose de Keyser ?

Hope now you ’re wiser.

At Stafford House.—
What that meeting had
immediately before them
was the Easton Question.

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS.-No. 91.

MADAME RISTORI.
Ristori d to us this Week.

THE COLLEGE OE DRAMATIC CRITICISM.

[Model Essays.)

Lyceum.—A Lyceum premiere, attended by most distinguished
representatives of Literature and Art.House rose at its popular

favourite.Perhaps not the play of Shakspeare’s calculated

to show the popular lessee to his full advantage.Scenery

splendid.Miss Terry has been better suited with a part.

.... Mounting simply gorgeous.Play depressing, dull, and

wearisome to Nineteenth Century audience.In the interests

of Art, Mr. Irving deserves all success.

St. James’s.—In the interests of Art, a drama adapted from the
French. . .* . . Mother kills her illegitimate daughter, and confesses

fact to her legitimate son.Possibly, novel to English ears,

but full of pathos and dramatic situation.Mr. Hare plays

an elderly gentleman.Mrs. Kendal very womanly.

Mr. Kendal very manly.Will appeal to the more intellectual

class of playgoers.We understand that a new piece is already

in rehearsal.

Drury Lane. — Crammed gallery testified to glories of Old

Drury.Magnificent spectacular effects.Hearty cheers

greeted the bursting of the balloon in mid-air.Enthusiastic

applause was bestowed on the explosion in the coal mine.The

moral lesson shown by the intensely realistic scene depicting the
hanging of the villain (a word of praise is due to the representatives

i of Marwood and the Chaplain) had an intensely beneficial effect.

Certain to draw money to the coffers of the National Temple of the

Drama.

Comedy.—Slightly incoherent plot.Ze Due, le Marquis,

ies Soldats.Pretty ingenue.Music familiar, but tune-
ful.Charming dresses.Bevy of damsels.

Strand and Avenue.—Same as Comedy.

Haymarket.—The great Parisian success.The half-hour

discussion on the best way of forcing asparagus, uninteresting to

British Public.Mr. Bancroft artistic, but at sea without

drawl and. eye-glass.Mr. Conway very pretty, and his

dress shoes warmly applauded.In parts too long.Mrs.

Bancroft very winsome as the school-girl.House wearied.

Gaiety.—Miss Farren.Miss Vaughan.Miss

Connie Gilchrist.Mr. Terry. “ All there ”—as usual.

A HANDBOOK OF KNOWLEDGE.

No. VI.—The British ’Bus.

1. Chiefly concerning the Interior thereof.

Q. What is an Omnibus ?

A. A lumbering vehicle, licensed to carry a fixed number of
passengers, and to torture as many as can be crammed into it.

Q. What is the meaning of the word “ carry,” in this con-
nection F

A. It means simply to convey, in the sense in which luggage is
conveyed in a railway van, calves in a netted market-cart, or pigs
in a Belfast steamer.

Q. But if the vehicle is licensed to accommodate-

A. Pardon me. It is not— emphatically not. Accommodation
implies convenience, comfort, fair apportionment of space—con-
siderations which the constructors, licensers, proprietors, and
conductors of Omnibuses absolutely ignore.

Q. What, then, is their guiding principle ?

A. The same as that of the linen-packer, or cargo-stower—
namely, to get the greatest bulk into the smallest space.

Q. How is this achieved?

A. In the first place by the ingenious manner in which what is
humorously called “sitting-room” is allotted.

Q. Explain how this is done ?

A. By ignoring the doctrine of averages. For example, the
inside of an Omnibus contains barely enough sitting-room for
twelve small and spare persons, without luggage. It is licensed
to carry a dozen people, with no qualification as to bulk or
bundles.

Q. What is the result of this thoughtful arrangement ?

A. That when the vehicle is what is known as, “full inside,”
it is most commonly crammed to agonising and suffocating reple-
tion.

Q. How is this F

A. It results from two facts ; one quite natural, and to be expected,
the other, phenomenal, certainly, but matter of long and conclusive
experience. The first is, that the average omnibus passenger is,
more or less, obese. The second is, that he, or she, is inordinately
addicted to big bundles. Both these facts are systematically ignored