DOI issue:
July 8, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0019
Jure 8, 1882.] PUNCH, OB THE LONDON CHAKIVARI. 11
“ OPPOSITION.”
First Town Councillor (who had recently been to Venice). “ Now that we’ve a People’s Park, and a Lake in it, I should
SUGGEST THAT HALF A DOZEN GONDOLAS MIGHT BE PURCHASED, AS THEY ’D GIVE QUITE A-”
Second Ditto (untravelled). “ Oh, I don’t see the good of havin’ any more o’ them Foreign Birds ! We’ve plenty o
Ducks an’ Geese already ! ’T any rate a pair would be enough to breed from. As to ’alf a dozen, I consider it 'd be
a waste o’ Public Money, an’ I ’ll oppose it Tooth and-” [.They don't part friends.
by all connected with the management of Omnibuses, with the result
that the many portly passengers are painfully compressed, whilst
the few spare ones are completely choked and paralysed.
Q. How do you gain access to the interior of an Omnibus ?
A. First catch your ’Bus. This you do, if haply at all, at the cost
of prolonged shouting, delirious waving of umbrella or walking-stick,
and. breathless chase through mud and muck.
Q. Are all ’Bus Conductors blind and deaf, that it is so difficult to
arrest their attention ?
A. Presumably not. But their eyes are commonly engaged with
the latest racing-returns, and their ears in straining to catch the
graphic narratives and full-flavoured facetice addressed to them
across the roof by their drivers.
Q. Having, at length, recognised your existence, and perceived
your pursuit, does the Conductor stop his ’Bus to take you up F
A. Not necessarily. If behind time, owing to too numerous halts
at hostelries on the road ; or, if engaged in racing with a rival ’Bus,
he will probably shout to you to “ Come along, Sir!” grab your
outstretched hand, haul you violently on to the high and slippery
step, thrust you headlong into the vehicle, and slam the door against
the rear of your person, with a vociferous “ right behind ! ” which
you will be disposed to resent as ironically personal.
Q. When fairly inside, how are you received ?
A. As an impertinent intruder, and the common enemy of those
already seated.
Q. What is the reason of this ?
A. Nothing can be advanced which could fairly be called a reason
for so absolutely unreasonable a state of things. But it is simple
fact that the Briton who has got into a public vehicle, of whatever
kind, always regards his fellow-Briton, who is only trying to get in,
with unconcealed contempt and bitter aversion.
Q. How is this manifested in the present instance ?
A. By the passengers spreading themselves over the whole avail-
able space, and “ glowering ” at the unhappy incomer with looks of
dark disfavour.
Q. What do you then do ?
A. Totter helplessly from end to end of the ’Bus, stumbling over
the resolutely protruded knees of one, the doggedly planted umbrella
of another, and the ingeniously ambushed bag, bale, or bundle of a
third. The jolting of the vehicle causes you perhaps to tread on the
toes of a sour gentleman on one side, and possibly to tumble into the
lap of a severe spinster on the other. This elicits energetic protests,
but no attempt to “make room for you.” If, in answer to your
passionate appeal or the surly summons of the Conductor, place is at
last reluctantly yielded to you, it is probably an inch or two of un-
comfortable sitting between the many-cornered box of a journeying
domestic and the plethoric basket of a travelling washerwoman.
Q. When you have fairly settled down, what next happens F
A. A final and unusually bulky “ fare ” enters, and “ jamming ”
down between you and the next sitter, hides you from human ken,
reducing you at the same time to a condition of utter breathlessness
and absolute immobility both of body and limb.
Q. What next occurs F
A. The Conductor at once seizes this moment to thrust his head
in at the door, and demand the immediate production of your fare.
Q. What is the effect of this F
A. A frenzied and prolonged struggle of closely-wedged and
bundle-hampered people to get at inner pockets and inaccessible
purses, productive of such physical discomfort and mental distress
as all but cynical despisers of their kind would gladly draw a veil
over.
Q. Could not these troubles and tortures be at all mitigated F
A. Most of them could be entirely avoided by the simple but
untried plan of allotting to each “ fare ” just sufficient room to move,
to breathe, and to get at his pockets in.
Q. Why is this obvious course not taken F
A. Because proprietors, from interest, and the public, from long
usage, regard that as “passenger-accommodation” which is really
only pilchard-packing.
[To he continued
“ OPPOSITION.”
First Town Councillor (who had recently been to Venice). “ Now that we’ve a People’s Park, and a Lake in it, I should
SUGGEST THAT HALF A DOZEN GONDOLAS MIGHT BE PURCHASED, AS THEY ’D GIVE QUITE A-”
Second Ditto (untravelled). “ Oh, I don’t see the good of havin’ any more o’ them Foreign Birds ! We’ve plenty o
Ducks an’ Geese already ! ’T any rate a pair would be enough to breed from. As to ’alf a dozen, I consider it 'd be
a waste o’ Public Money, an’ I ’ll oppose it Tooth and-” [.They don't part friends.
by all connected with the management of Omnibuses, with the result
that the many portly passengers are painfully compressed, whilst
the few spare ones are completely choked and paralysed.
Q. How do you gain access to the interior of an Omnibus ?
A. First catch your ’Bus. This you do, if haply at all, at the cost
of prolonged shouting, delirious waving of umbrella or walking-stick,
and. breathless chase through mud and muck.
Q. Are all ’Bus Conductors blind and deaf, that it is so difficult to
arrest their attention ?
A. Presumably not. But their eyes are commonly engaged with
the latest racing-returns, and their ears in straining to catch the
graphic narratives and full-flavoured facetice addressed to them
across the roof by their drivers.
Q. Having, at length, recognised your existence, and perceived
your pursuit, does the Conductor stop his ’Bus to take you up F
A. Not necessarily. If behind time, owing to too numerous halts
at hostelries on the road ; or, if engaged in racing with a rival ’Bus,
he will probably shout to you to “ Come along, Sir!” grab your
outstretched hand, haul you violently on to the high and slippery
step, thrust you headlong into the vehicle, and slam the door against
the rear of your person, with a vociferous “ right behind ! ” which
you will be disposed to resent as ironically personal.
Q. When fairly inside, how are you received ?
A. As an impertinent intruder, and the common enemy of those
already seated.
Q. What is the reason of this ?
A. Nothing can be advanced which could fairly be called a reason
for so absolutely unreasonable a state of things. But it is simple
fact that the Briton who has got into a public vehicle, of whatever
kind, always regards his fellow-Briton, who is only trying to get in,
with unconcealed contempt and bitter aversion.
Q. How is this manifested in the present instance ?
A. By the passengers spreading themselves over the whole avail-
able space, and “ glowering ” at the unhappy incomer with looks of
dark disfavour.
Q. What do you then do ?
A. Totter helplessly from end to end of the ’Bus, stumbling over
the resolutely protruded knees of one, the doggedly planted umbrella
of another, and the ingeniously ambushed bag, bale, or bundle of a
third. The jolting of the vehicle causes you perhaps to tread on the
toes of a sour gentleman on one side, and possibly to tumble into the
lap of a severe spinster on the other. This elicits energetic protests,
but no attempt to “make room for you.” If, in answer to your
passionate appeal or the surly summons of the Conductor, place is at
last reluctantly yielded to you, it is probably an inch or two of un-
comfortable sitting between the many-cornered box of a journeying
domestic and the plethoric basket of a travelling washerwoman.
Q. When you have fairly settled down, what next happens F
A. A final and unusually bulky “ fare ” enters, and “ jamming ”
down between you and the next sitter, hides you from human ken,
reducing you at the same time to a condition of utter breathlessness
and absolute immobility both of body and limb.
Q. What next occurs F
A. The Conductor at once seizes this moment to thrust his head
in at the door, and demand the immediate production of your fare.
Q. What is the effect of this F
A. A frenzied and prolonged struggle of closely-wedged and
bundle-hampered people to get at inner pockets and inaccessible
purses, productive of such physical discomfort and mental distress
as all but cynical despisers of their kind would gladly draw a veil
over.
Q. Could not these troubles and tortures be at all mitigated F
A. Most of them could be entirely avoided by the simple but
untried plan of allotting to each “ fare ” just sufficient room to move,
to breathe, and to get at his pockets in.
Q. Why is this obvious course not taken F
A. Because proprietors, from interest, and the public, from long
usage, regard that as “passenger-accommodation” which is really
only pilchard-packing.
[To he continued