DOI issue:
July 22, 1882
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17753#0037
July 22, 1882.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
29
of the Leader of the Opposition ? Isn’t Ireland enough for one man, without his
poaching in other people’s preserves ? , „
Situation intensified by discontent on benches behind and below the Gang-
way. Eight Hon. Gentlemen on front Bench all jumping up together, to get
at Dllke or Gladstone.
Drummond Wolff,
Ashmead-Arabi- Bart-
lett-Bey, Gorst, and
Ritchie nowhere.
“I made this run-
ning,” Drummond
Wolff very justly says.
“ I first twitted the
Government with yield-
ing to Arabi, and then,
when it appeared they
hadn’t, I asked why they
had not made friends
with him at first. I
discovered the guns on
the fortifications, and
night after night asked
Dilke why they didn’t
go for them. Now, when
they have destroyed
them, and Alexandria is
pillaged, it is my right
to ask why they were in
such a hurry, and why
they didn’t wait till they
had their troops.”
Drummond very
wroth, Arabi-Bartlett
angry. Split in the
MON.
TUE.
WED.
THU.
FRL
SAT
SUN.
\
Vs-
\
\
V
\
_\
)
l\
_L
A
(pA
^ \
\
/p
^ \
/
\\ \
a )
Y
v\
A
-Af
(7"—>
A v
N
/ N
>
s.
LJ
A
/=u
DULL
GLOOMY
SQUALLY
-STORM
THUNDERY
HURRICANE
SET FAIR
—
—
--
—
ISS2
—>
r °- I
—
D.f-
Gladstone’s Temper Chart during exceptionally trying
"Weather.
angry. opiu m me
party imminent, and all because, as W. H. Smith and Sir Michael agree,
Gibson would rush in where he’d no business.
Business done.—Arrears Bill.
Saturday.—Great news going about in a whisper to-night. Gladstone
refuses to make Bright Military Governor of Alexandria. Says he hasn’t
had experience enough. So Bright resigned in a huff.
Business done.—Made a hole in the Arrears Bill.
SAUCE FOR THE GANDER; OR, SOMETHING LIKE A POLICE
REPORT.
Savage and Unprovoked Assault.—Sir Wilfrid Lawson, M.P., was
charged, on a warrant, with having, in an attempt to defend his house from
the attack of several burglars, inflicted grievous bodily harm on one or more
of them. There was also a second count charging him further with having,
when about to be struck on the head with a bludgeon, raised his hand menacingly
to protect himself. Mr. Richard prosecuted on behalf of the Peace Society. The
prisoner, who had his head bandaged up in several places, and presented a very
pitiable appearance in the dock, was undefended. The evidence went to show
that the house of the prisoner, having been several times robbed by night, and
some of his servants quite recently murdered, under circumstances of aggravated
brutality, in his front garden, he was under the impression that he might take
some steps to protect himself and his establishment from further outrage.
Noticing on the particular occasion in question, several masked and armed
figures creeping about, in the dusk, under his study window, with a dark
lantern, he had suddenly, and without any warning, hit one of them over the
head with a walking-stick. He was, however, overpowered after a short
struggle, and given in charge. Mr. Richard said he was instructed to press
for a conviction, as the Society he represented considered this a very bad case.
The Magistrate, addressing the prisoner, said he felt deeply the position—
the position of dishonour-in which he was placed. He regarded any pre-
cautionary act of self-defence such as he had resorted to, as cowardly, cruel,
and criminal. The liberties of cutthroats and burglars must, he was aware,
be respected. Moreover, it was perfectly lamentable to see a representative
character like the prisoner in the dock, who had proved himself, in the House of
Commons, such a genial, hearty, and vigorous champion of all the worst
scoundrelism in Europe, suddenly turning round on every principle he had
professed, and adopting a policy which is abhorrent to every instinct of justice
and right, merely because he had reason to believe he ran a risk of being
murdered in his bed. Though he implored him to reconsider his ways, and,
in future, to act with common sense, common justice, and common humanity,
he felt, nevertheless, bound to make an example of him. He should commit him
for trial. The prisoner, who was understood to say that when he got out he
would let somebody ‘1 have it hot, ’’ was then removed from the Court, struggling,
and firing off an occasional witticism at the Bench.
LAYS OF A LAZY MINSTREL.
THE MIDSHIPMAID.
he sea is calm,
the sky is blue;
I’ve nothing in
the world to do
But watch the sea-
gulls flap and
veer,
From ’neath the
awning on the
Pier;
And as I muse
there in the
shade,
I see a merry
Midshipmaid.
The sauciest of
bonny belles,
In broidered coat
with white lap-
pels ;
Her ample tresses
one descries
Are closely plait-
ed, pig - tail -
- wise.
A smart cocked hat, a trim cockade,
Are sported by this Midshipmaid.
I wonder, in a dreamy way,
If e’er she lived in Nelson’s day ?
Was she a kind of “ William Carr,”
Or did she fight at Trafalgar ?
And could she wield a cutlass-blade,
This laughing little Midshipmaid ?
Was she among the trusty lads—
Before the time of iron-clads—
Those reckless, brave young Hearts of Oak,
Who looked on danger as a joke ?
Or did she ever feel afraid,
This dainty little Midshipmaid ?
She might have fought, indeed she should,
In time of Howe or Collingwood ;
She might have—but I pause and note
She wears a kilted petticoat;
And ’neath it you may see displayed
Trim anldes of the Midshipmaid!
# * * * *
My dream is past! This naval swell
Is naught but pretty Cousin Nell !
“You Lazy Thing,” she says, “ confess
You’re quite enchanted with my dress.
Just take me down the Esplanade ! ”—
I'm captured by the Midshipmaid !
Mrs. Ramsbotham tells us that a young friend of hers, who is an Under-
gradual at Oxford, has had some difficulty with the authorities, and has been
fumigated for a year !
NO SUCH LUCK.
The business of Covent Garden Market, says The
Citizen, on the authority of Mr. Bourne, the Mudfordy-
Agent-Young-Man, is not to be transferred to Farringdon
Market. Of course it isn’t. The idea of any such
scheme of relief having ever been entertained for a
moment, except as a good joke, by a Mudford official!
There are so many objections to such a beneficial plan to
be Bourne in mind. Perhaps one of these days, when
the long-suffering, much-forgiving, and very oblivious
Public shall have insisted on a policy of Government
intervention with regard to Mud-Salad Market nuisance
and Ducal barrier obstruction, the Agent, if refusing to
recommend reform, may live to exclaim, “ I wish I had
never been Bourne! ”
Cause on Effect.—Mr. Tin Pot O'Connor, M.P.,
has been writing for the Newcastle Daily Chronicle a
series of articles on “ The Decadence of Parliament.”
There is certainly no one better qualified to explain it;
unless, indeed, it were Mr. Callan.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
29
of the Leader of the Opposition ? Isn’t Ireland enough for one man, without his
poaching in other people’s preserves ? , „
Situation intensified by discontent on benches behind and below the Gang-
way. Eight Hon. Gentlemen on front Bench all jumping up together, to get
at Dllke or Gladstone.
Drummond Wolff,
Ashmead-Arabi- Bart-
lett-Bey, Gorst, and
Ritchie nowhere.
“I made this run-
ning,” Drummond
Wolff very justly says.
“ I first twitted the
Government with yield-
ing to Arabi, and then,
when it appeared they
hadn’t, I asked why they
had not made friends
with him at first. I
discovered the guns on
the fortifications, and
night after night asked
Dilke why they didn’t
go for them. Now, when
they have destroyed
them, and Alexandria is
pillaged, it is my right
to ask why they were in
such a hurry, and why
they didn’t wait till they
had their troops.”
Drummond very
wroth, Arabi-Bartlett
angry. Split in the
MON.
TUE.
WED.
THU.
FRL
SAT
SUN.
\
Vs-
\
\
V
\
_\
)
l\
_L
A
(pA
^ \
\
/p
^ \
/
\\ \
a )
Y
v\
A
-Af
(7"—>
A v
N
/ N
>
s.
LJ
A
/=u
DULL
GLOOMY
SQUALLY
-STORM
THUNDERY
HURRICANE
SET FAIR
—
—
--
—
ISS2
—>
r °- I
—
D.f-
Gladstone’s Temper Chart during exceptionally trying
"Weather.
angry. opiu m me
party imminent, and all because, as W. H. Smith and Sir Michael agree,
Gibson would rush in where he’d no business.
Business done.—Arrears Bill.
Saturday.—Great news going about in a whisper to-night. Gladstone
refuses to make Bright Military Governor of Alexandria. Says he hasn’t
had experience enough. So Bright resigned in a huff.
Business done.—Made a hole in the Arrears Bill.
SAUCE FOR THE GANDER; OR, SOMETHING LIKE A POLICE
REPORT.
Savage and Unprovoked Assault.—Sir Wilfrid Lawson, M.P., was
charged, on a warrant, with having, in an attempt to defend his house from
the attack of several burglars, inflicted grievous bodily harm on one or more
of them. There was also a second count charging him further with having,
when about to be struck on the head with a bludgeon, raised his hand menacingly
to protect himself. Mr. Richard prosecuted on behalf of the Peace Society. The
prisoner, who had his head bandaged up in several places, and presented a very
pitiable appearance in the dock, was undefended. The evidence went to show
that the house of the prisoner, having been several times robbed by night, and
some of his servants quite recently murdered, under circumstances of aggravated
brutality, in his front garden, he was under the impression that he might take
some steps to protect himself and his establishment from further outrage.
Noticing on the particular occasion in question, several masked and armed
figures creeping about, in the dusk, under his study window, with a dark
lantern, he had suddenly, and without any warning, hit one of them over the
head with a walking-stick. He was, however, overpowered after a short
struggle, and given in charge. Mr. Richard said he was instructed to press
for a conviction, as the Society he represented considered this a very bad case.
The Magistrate, addressing the prisoner, said he felt deeply the position—
the position of dishonour-in which he was placed. He regarded any pre-
cautionary act of self-defence such as he had resorted to, as cowardly, cruel,
and criminal. The liberties of cutthroats and burglars must, he was aware,
be respected. Moreover, it was perfectly lamentable to see a representative
character like the prisoner in the dock, who had proved himself, in the House of
Commons, such a genial, hearty, and vigorous champion of all the worst
scoundrelism in Europe, suddenly turning round on every principle he had
professed, and adopting a policy which is abhorrent to every instinct of justice
and right, merely because he had reason to believe he ran a risk of being
murdered in his bed. Though he implored him to reconsider his ways, and,
in future, to act with common sense, common justice, and common humanity,
he felt, nevertheless, bound to make an example of him. He should commit him
for trial. The prisoner, who was understood to say that when he got out he
would let somebody ‘1 have it hot, ’’ was then removed from the Court, struggling,
and firing off an occasional witticism at the Bench.
LAYS OF A LAZY MINSTREL.
THE MIDSHIPMAID.
he sea is calm,
the sky is blue;
I’ve nothing in
the world to do
But watch the sea-
gulls flap and
veer,
From ’neath the
awning on the
Pier;
And as I muse
there in the
shade,
I see a merry
Midshipmaid.
The sauciest of
bonny belles,
In broidered coat
with white lap-
pels ;
Her ample tresses
one descries
Are closely plait-
ed, pig - tail -
- wise.
A smart cocked hat, a trim cockade,
Are sported by this Midshipmaid.
I wonder, in a dreamy way,
If e’er she lived in Nelson’s day ?
Was she a kind of “ William Carr,”
Or did she fight at Trafalgar ?
And could she wield a cutlass-blade,
This laughing little Midshipmaid ?
Was she among the trusty lads—
Before the time of iron-clads—
Those reckless, brave young Hearts of Oak,
Who looked on danger as a joke ?
Or did she ever feel afraid,
This dainty little Midshipmaid ?
She might have fought, indeed she should,
In time of Howe or Collingwood ;
She might have—but I pause and note
She wears a kilted petticoat;
And ’neath it you may see displayed
Trim anldes of the Midshipmaid!
# * * * *
My dream is past! This naval swell
Is naught but pretty Cousin Nell !
“You Lazy Thing,” she says, “ confess
You’re quite enchanted with my dress.
Just take me down the Esplanade ! ”—
I'm captured by the Midshipmaid !
Mrs. Ramsbotham tells us that a young friend of hers, who is an Under-
gradual at Oxford, has had some difficulty with the authorities, and has been
fumigated for a year !
NO SUCH LUCK.
The business of Covent Garden Market, says The
Citizen, on the authority of Mr. Bourne, the Mudfordy-
Agent-Young-Man, is not to be transferred to Farringdon
Market. Of course it isn’t. The idea of any such
scheme of relief having ever been entertained for a
moment, except as a good joke, by a Mudford official!
There are so many objections to such a beneficial plan to
be Bourne in mind. Perhaps one of these days, when
the long-suffering, much-forgiving, and very oblivious
Public shall have insisted on a policy of Government
intervention with regard to Mud-Salad Market nuisance
and Ducal barrier obstruction, the Agent, if refusing to
recommend reform, may live to exclaim, “ I wish I had
never been Bourne! ”
Cause on Effect.—Mr. Tin Pot O'Connor, M.P.,
has been writing for the Newcastle Daily Chronicle a
series of articles on “ The Decadence of Parliament.”
There is certainly no one better qualified to explain it;
unless, indeed, it were Mr. Callan.