DOI Heft:
October 11, 1884
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17757#0184
October 11, 1884.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. H7
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MILITIA.”
(.By One who knows all about it.")
I. — What have the Militia done in the Past ? — Protected the
Kingdom on many occasions. It was the gallantry they displayed
at Hastings that caused Julius Uesar to exclaim, “Angels not
Angles! ” During the War of the Roses they garrisoned the
Channel Islands and the Isle of Man with the utmost bravery.
As patriots they refused to tight either for King or Parliament
during the Charles-Cromwell period. However, their chief claim to
distinction was, perhaps, their heroic conduct at the Battle of Water-
loo when, it will be remembered, the Duke of Wellington addressed
to them personally the historical words, “ Up black-guards and at
them! ” Since 1815, the members of the Old Constitutional Force
have had few opportunities of coming to the front. It has been
remarked that, in spite of this forced inaction, they have ever been
the most lucrative of friends to the Licensed Victuallers.
II. —Is the Militia as efficient as the Foreign Reserve Forces f—
Certainly not. Taking a sample of each in the shape of a typical
battalion, we can easily compare them with the German Landwehr
and the Monaco Auxiliaries. Thus :—
Officers.
Band.
Bank and File.
Flags.
182nd Rhein Wein Eisen- i
bahns 1
2nd Battalion the Royal
| 2
1
80
10,000
2
Surrey-Side Regiment
' 12
20
140
2
(Late 1st Brixton Militia)
The Imperial Guard of |
Monte Carlo j
)
; L148
300
7
16
1,162
400
10,147
20
From the above it will be seen that although the British Battalion
has a larger number of Officers than the German Corps, the latter
makes up for the deficiency by the Rank and File. Again, the
Surrey-Siders are in a numerical minority as regards Field Officers
and Bands when compared with the Green Cloth Brigade.
If we compare the expenses of the three test Regiments, we get
some strange results. Thus:—
Mess-Bills of Trainings. 1815—1874.
£ s. d.
Monaco Regiment .... 36,000,485 14
British ,, .... 9,000,000 0 0
German ,, .... 1 5 4|
£45,000,487 0 0
The Mess Expenses of the German Regiment would be still smaller
were not the item, “ Soap,” included in them since 1865 by a
Regulation emanating from Berlin. The cost of the Monaco Regi-
ment is greater than it would be were not the Officers forced to play
every day at the tables, by order of H.S.H. the Prince of Monte
Carlo. Of course the British bill does not include wine. Com-
paring the three amounts, as they appear side by side, the German
certainly appears to be the most reasonable. Coming to the ques-
tion of age, we find again that England differs materially from her
foreign rivals, or, it may be some day, enemies. Thus—
Average Age of « „
* J ’ British Service.
In
German Service.
In
Monaco Service.
Colonel ... 96 years.
46 years.
16 years.
Major. ... 86 ,,
44 „
72 ,,
Captain ... 50 ,,
40 „
75 ”
Lieutenant . . 18 ,,
30 ,,
99 ,,
Ensign ... —
3 „
250 ,,
160 „
265 ,,
Average Age (Five \-
_
Ranks Combined) ( 50 ,,
32 „
53 „
From these figures it will be noticed that England is neither first
nor last, but occupies a medium position. This cannot possibly be
satisfactory to the Ratepayer who remembers that we count upon the
Continental Powers for his supply of food.
III.— What is the present Value of the 3Iilitia ?—This is not easily
ascertained. However, after a careful consideration of details, the
following Table, giving approximately the value by means of a
per-centage, has been prepared by a practised statistician.
The Worth of the Militia—in a Hundred Parts.
As a Local Lawn Tennis Club ... ... 14
As a Country Amateur Acting Company ... 12
As a Blue Ribbon Organisation ... ... 2
As a Whist Party ... ... ... ... 10
As a Peace Association . ... 61
As a Fighting Power .. i
100
To put it plainly—the Militia “ is not worth much, but is better
than nothing at all.” To which Mr. MacDermott, as the “ original
Jingo,” might reply, “ Not much”—an affirmation likely to receive
general support.
THE HOME AND THE STAGE.
{A very Domestic Drama.)
Scene—The Boudoir of the Wife of the Manager, luxuriously fur-
nished. Hanging to the Wall a certain Special Licence hand-
somely framed. On a table the chief Ornament of a Wedding-
Cake under a glass-case. Cards of Invitation from Duchesses
round a cheval-glass. Other Cards of Invitation in a beautiful
little waste-paper basket. Manager and Wife discovered.
Manager. Well, sweetest, I suppose we must change the bill. My
own darling, I do not think the Public will stand us much longer in
our present characters. (Wife pouts.) Nay, dearest, I did not mean
to offend you. [ Hisses her hand.
Wife. My dear, nonsense ! I am not angry. Still, I think our good
and loyal friends the Public might sit out an extra hundred nights.
See, my lovey—(sitting on his knee)—we play an affectionate husband
and wife, flow delightful it must be to the many-headed to think,
when the Curtain has fallen, and the Actor and Actress are at home,
they are capable of leading the same kind of life, the representation
of which has moved an audience to sympathetic tears.
Manager. My own!
\_Takes her head between his hands, and raises it to his lips.
Wife {<gently but firmly disengaging herself). Nay—only thus in a
photograph! This will suffice. (Gives him her hand.) Now, my
dear, what shall be our next venture F
[ Strokes his hair with her disengaged hand.
3Ianager. Loved one of my heart of hearts, what say you to
Othello ? It will be a new kind of matrimonial impersonation.
Wife (considering). Not bad. I should like to play Desdemona.
I did think of Borneo and Juliet—you for Borneo, I for Juliet. I
was reading the Tragedy just before our little darlings were taken
off to bed! But no, my dear! Shakspeare’s loving and lovable
Italian girl has been rendered vulgar in the hands of advertising
Ladies. Still, beautiful in person, fourteen years of age—-—
3Ianager {enthusiastically). You would be Juliet to the life !
Wife {pondering). Perhaps, and yet—no, dear—1 ’m atraid the Play
has an immoral tendency, and—{energetically)—it certainly is disre-
spectful to the Aristocracy—to us ! Yes, to us; for is not the title
of Actor or Actress as ennobling to the bearer as Duke or Countess F
3Ianager {falling on one knee before her, seizing her hand, and
covering it with kisses). Life of my life, it is !
Wife. Yes, it will be better to play Othello—you the 3Ioor, I
Desdemona. You know, my own true husband, how I hate sensa-
tion ; but do you see your way to giving a new reading to the play F
Manager {after seating himself on a stool at his Wife's feet for a
quarter of an hour, and considering). I have it! We will have the
piece re-written by Bills. It will draw the town !
Wife. Darling ! {Strokes his hair with both her hands, and, with
upturned eyes, silently implores a blessing.) And how shall we cast
the other parts F
Manager. Wiggs would make an excellent lago. _
Wife {horrified). Wiggs play lago ! Why lago is a scoundrel, a
cheating knave, and Wiggs is the soul of honour, a perfect gentle-
man ! What would the Public think of Wiggs if they saw him
playing lago ! They would imagine he was a very scoundrel his
home the home of a heartless, remorseless hypocrite ! Oh no, a
thousand times no !—Poor little Willy Wiggs shall not play lago ! j
Manager {disappointed). Well, then, we must give up Othello! j
Wife. Nay, dearie, you must be good! {Once more seating herself \
playfully on his knee). Think of Wiggs, and his position in Society.
Think of that as associated with Us! If it were thought for a
moment that poor dear Wiggs could be capable of lago's crimes, his
popularity would go for ever. No—we must play something else.
[Blushes, and kisses him on the forehead.
3Ianager. Well, I have got a piece called “ Goody-Goody, or,
3Iaid and Grandmother.” The worst of it is there are only two
parts in it—one for you, and one for me.
Wife. How provoking ! And, my dear ! ! no part for poor little
Willy Wiggs ! Still, darling, we may like it. Let us read it at once.
\_Scene closes in upon a tableau suggestive of businesslike effort
combined with domestic felicity.
A Real Novelty.—It is said that Mr. Wilson Chatterton Clac-
dian Barrett has something startling in store for playgoers m jus
next production. When he revives Hamlet he is not going to revive
the Ghost. At least the Ghost will be invisible. Only, in that case,
how about Horatio's description of the Spectre’s personal appearance .
Bad omen, if, in theatrical slang, “ the Ghost doesn t walk at the
Princess’s.
THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MILITIA.”
(.By One who knows all about it.")
I. — What have the Militia done in the Past ? — Protected the
Kingdom on many occasions. It was the gallantry they displayed
at Hastings that caused Julius Uesar to exclaim, “Angels not
Angles! ” During the War of the Roses they garrisoned the
Channel Islands and the Isle of Man with the utmost bravery.
As patriots they refused to tight either for King or Parliament
during the Charles-Cromwell period. However, their chief claim to
distinction was, perhaps, their heroic conduct at the Battle of Water-
loo when, it will be remembered, the Duke of Wellington addressed
to them personally the historical words, “ Up black-guards and at
them! ” Since 1815, the members of the Old Constitutional Force
have had few opportunities of coming to the front. It has been
remarked that, in spite of this forced inaction, they have ever been
the most lucrative of friends to the Licensed Victuallers.
II. —Is the Militia as efficient as the Foreign Reserve Forces f—
Certainly not. Taking a sample of each in the shape of a typical
battalion, we can easily compare them with the German Landwehr
and the Monaco Auxiliaries. Thus :—
Officers.
Band.
Bank and File.
Flags.
182nd Rhein Wein Eisen- i
bahns 1
2nd Battalion the Royal
| 2
1
80
10,000
2
Surrey-Side Regiment
' 12
20
140
2
(Late 1st Brixton Militia)
The Imperial Guard of |
Monte Carlo j
)
; L148
300
7
16
1,162
400
10,147
20
From the above it will be seen that although the British Battalion
has a larger number of Officers than the German Corps, the latter
makes up for the deficiency by the Rank and File. Again, the
Surrey-Siders are in a numerical minority as regards Field Officers
and Bands when compared with the Green Cloth Brigade.
If we compare the expenses of the three test Regiments, we get
some strange results. Thus:—
Mess-Bills of Trainings. 1815—1874.
£ s. d.
Monaco Regiment .... 36,000,485 14
British ,, .... 9,000,000 0 0
German ,, .... 1 5 4|
£45,000,487 0 0
The Mess Expenses of the German Regiment would be still smaller
were not the item, “ Soap,” included in them since 1865 by a
Regulation emanating from Berlin. The cost of the Monaco Regi-
ment is greater than it would be were not the Officers forced to play
every day at the tables, by order of H.S.H. the Prince of Monte
Carlo. Of course the British bill does not include wine. Com-
paring the three amounts, as they appear side by side, the German
certainly appears to be the most reasonable. Coming to the ques-
tion of age, we find again that England differs materially from her
foreign rivals, or, it may be some day, enemies. Thus—
Average Age of « „
* J ’ British Service.
In
German Service.
In
Monaco Service.
Colonel ... 96 years.
46 years.
16 years.
Major. ... 86 ,,
44 „
72 ,,
Captain ... 50 ,,
40 „
75 ”
Lieutenant . . 18 ,,
30 ,,
99 ,,
Ensign ... —
3 „
250 ,,
160 „
265 ,,
Average Age (Five \-
_
Ranks Combined) ( 50 ,,
32 „
53 „
From these figures it will be noticed that England is neither first
nor last, but occupies a medium position. This cannot possibly be
satisfactory to the Ratepayer who remembers that we count upon the
Continental Powers for his supply of food.
III.— What is the present Value of the 3Iilitia ?—This is not easily
ascertained. However, after a careful consideration of details, the
following Table, giving approximately the value by means of a
per-centage, has been prepared by a practised statistician.
The Worth of the Militia—in a Hundred Parts.
As a Local Lawn Tennis Club ... ... 14
As a Country Amateur Acting Company ... 12
As a Blue Ribbon Organisation ... ... 2
As a Whist Party ... ... ... ... 10
As a Peace Association . ... 61
As a Fighting Power .. i
100
To put it plainly—the Militia “ is not worth much, but is better
than nothing at all.” To which Mr. MacDermott, as the “ original
Jingo,” might reply, “ Not much”—an affirmation likely to receive
general support.
THE HOME AND THE STAGE.
{A very Domestic Drama.)
Scene—The Boudoir of the Wife of the Manager, luxuriously fur-
nished. Hanging to the Wall a certain Special Licence hand-
somely framed. On a table the chief Ornament of a Wedding-
Cake under a glass-case. Cards of Invitation from Duchesses
round a cheval-glass. Other Cards of Invitation in a beautiful
little waste-paper basket. Manager and Wife discovered.
Manager. Well, sweetest, I suppose we must change the bill. My
own darling, I do not think the Public will stand us much longer in
our present characters. (Wife pouts.) Nay, dearest, I did not mean
to offend you. [ Hisses her hand.
Wife. My dear, nonsense ! I am not angry. Still, I think our good
and loyal friends the Public might sit out an extra hundred nights.
See, my lovey—(sitting on his knee)—we play an affectionate husband
and wife, flow delightful it must be to the many-headed to think,
when the Curtain has fallen, and the Actor and Actress are at home,
they are capable of leading the same kind of life, the representation
of which has moved an audience to sympathetic tears.
Manager. My own!
\_Takes her head between his hands, and raises it to his lips.
Wife {<gently but firmly disengaging herself). Nay—only thus in a
photograph! This will suffice. (Gives him her hand.) Now, my
dear, what shall be our next venture F
[ Strokes his hair with her disengaged hand.
3Ianager. Loved one of my heart of hearts, what say you to
Othello ? It will be a new kind of matrimonial impersonation.
Wife (considering). Not bad. I should like to play Desdemona.
I did think of Borneo and Juliet—you for Borneo, I for Juliet. I
was reading the Tragedy just before our little darlings were taken
off to bed! But no, my dear! Shakspeare’s loving and lovable
Italian girl has been rendered vulgar in the hands of advertising
Ladies. Still, beautiful in person, fourteen years of age—-—
3Ianager {enthusiastically). You would be Juliet to the life !
Wife {pondering). Perhaps, and yet—no, dear—1 ’m atraid the Play
has an immoral tendency, and—{energetically)—it certainly is disre-
spectful to the Aristocracy—to us ! Yes, to us; for is not the title
of Actor or Actress as ennobling to the bearer as Duke or Countess F
3Ianager {falling on one knee before her, seizing her hand, and
covering it with kisses). Life of my life, it is !
Wife. Yes, it will be better to play Othello—you the 3Ioor, I
Desdemona. You know, my own true husband, how I hate sensa-
tion ; but do you see your way to giving a new reading to the play F
Manager {after seating himself on a stool at his Wife's feet for a
quarter of an hour, and considering). I have it! We will have the
piece re-written by Bills. It will draw the town !
Wife. Darling ! {Strokes his hair with both her hands, and, with
upturned eyes, silently implores a blessing.) And how shall we cast
the other parts F
Manager. Wiggs would make an excellent lago. _
Wife {horrified). Wiggs play lago ! Why lago is a scoundrel, a
cheating knave, and Wiggs is the soul of honour, a perfect gentle-
man ! What would the Public think of Wiggs if they saw him
playing lago ! They would imagine he was a very scoundrel his
home the home of a heartless, remorseless hypocrite ! Oh no, a
thousand times no !—Poor little Willy Wiggs shall not play lago ! j
Manager {disappointed). Well, then, we must give up Othello! j
Wife. Nay, dearie, you must be good! {Once more seating herself \
playfully on his knee). Think of Wiggs, and his position in Society.
Think of that as associated with Us! If it were thought for a
moment that poor dear Wiggs could be capable of lago's crimes, his
popularity would go for ever. No—we must play something else.
[Blushes, and kisses him on the forehead.
3Ianager. Well, I have got a piece called “ Goody-Goody, or,
3Iaid and Grandmother.” The worst of it is there are only two
parts in it—one for you, and one for me.
Wife. How provoking ! And, my dear ! ! no part for poor little
Willy Wiggs ! Still, darling, we may like it. Let us read it at once.
\_Scene closes in upon a tableau suggestive of businesslike effort
combined with domestic felicity.
A Real Novelty.—It is said that Mr. Wilson Chatterton Clac-
dian Barrett has something startling in store for playgoers m jus
next production. When he revives Hamlet he is not going to revive
the Ghost. At least the Ghost will be invisible. Only, in that case,
how about Horatio's description of the Spectre’s personal appearance .
Bad omen, if, in theatrical slang, “ the Ghost doesn t walk at the
Princess’s.