Punch (88.1885)

,aottaby 3, 1885.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

GISSING THE ROD.

We have but now laid our hand upon a few days’ old number
of the Pall-Mall Gazette, which containeth a piece of wisdom so
entirely monumental, that it well deserves to be “ are perennius ”—
which we would render, for the moment, into “longer-lived than its
own brass.” It has nothing to do with the conduct of that bright
and many-sided journal, be it said, but merely with a Correspondent
who has at least the courage of his opinions in signing his name.
The. correspondence appears to have begun in one of the endless
foolishnesses about contemporary novel-writing which appear to
beguile the leisure fof so many (of our modern Caeoethies. And
‘ Sylvanus ” and “ George Gissing ’’ are severe upon a Mr. Moore,
^ho seems to have complained that, in these days of Mudie-cum-
™rith tyranny, books are sometimes capriciously withdrawn from
ail the bookstalls of the Autocrats, and. the Author left without a
remedy. As a matter of fact, that is quite true ; and the personalities
°r “ Sylvanus,” who says he is a woman, neither young nor old, and
so adopts that eminently female signature (Girtonism is good—but
imperfect Girtonism is dangerous), do not affect the position of Mr.
Mooee.

But “Sylvanus” is eclipsed indeed by the Correspondent who
follows him or her—the great Mr. George Gissing. Humbly we own
that we never heard his name before, though it seems suggestive of a
kind of guttural German embrace performed by the nationaliser of
the Land. But Gissing should be known. This is what Gissing
■writes

‘One of the most painful confessions in literature is that contained in the
Preface to ‘ Pendennis,’ where Thackeray admits that ‘ since the author of
10,1 JWes was buried no writer of fiction among us has been permitted to
ePiet to his utmost power a man,’—on penalty, be it understood” (by
issino) “ of a temporary diminution of receipts. If this be not a trades-
aifftv atBtude, what is ? Let novelists be true to their artistic conscience,
j. fh®. Public taste will come round. In that day there will be no complaint
he 1 6 cifculating libraries. It is a hard thing to say, but Thackekay, when
bet1!nowingly wrote below the demands of his art to conciliate Mrs. Grundy,

his trust; and the same thing is being done by our living novelists
every day.” 6 -

lik^ ^p6 demigods and little Gissings, . did anybody ever hear the
bodv u 3 Not all the waters of Gissingen can do much for any-
agarn t ° °PenU prays that the public taste may “come round”
much t0 °Bel1 coarseness of Tom Jones; the vice of an age as
minded3 °Tr age ^as ^ts own’ which Thackeray, one of the cleanest-
hannilv TVn^ers who ever lived, points out in that same preface to be
save and^t °f date. All the world knows what that preface meant,
eonscien excePt Gissing, who thinks that Thackeray’s artistic
afraid rrfi s1§'§iested Dirt, and his art demanded it, bat that he was
science a ]?8iag money by it!! Had he but been true to his eon-
GissiN-p8,11'1' tastes, his receipts would have gone up in time, for
his trustyoold have bought his books. But Thackeray betrayed
_T gods ! Thackeray !) by being sweet and pure, though

V0L- Lxxxvm.

it is a “ hard thing) to say.” It]'should;have been not only hard but
impossible, Gissing. As for ourliving novelists, they are disgusting
Gissing by “ doing the same every day.” Well, they are, Gissing ;
and speaking with some knowledge of them, we do not altogether
regret it. We regret that Gissing cannot get the reading he likes,
except by going back to more conscientious days; and we do not
wholly love Mrs. Grundy. But we like her taste in books better
than Gtssing’s. We will do all we can to help you to your desired
celebrity, Gissing, though we care not to be gissing who can have
brought you up. Praised be the gods for thy foulness, Gissing ! but
also that, as we fondly hope, there are not very many like thee.

HOW TO COIN MONEY.

[According to Precedent.)

As easy as possible. All you want is some paste, a pair of scissors,
a number of old Periodicals, and a moderate credit at a Printer’s and
a Paper-maker’s. With these requisites you can commence publish-
ing a new Weeldy Paper, which you can call boldly,

SWEPT STUFF.

You will have made it up of cuttings from the Periodicals already
referred to. But you want a little original matter, and will adver-
tise in your own Paper that you will give a

£10 Prize eor the Best Romantic Story,

reserving to yourself, of course, the right of publishing every Tale
you receive. Thus, for a moderate sum, you will obtain any amount
of Original Diction, of more or (generally) less merit. But now you
want to advertise the Paper a little, so again offer Prizes, say,
Special Prize—a Christening Silver Goblet,
to be given on the condition that the Baby to be named is given the
sole title of “ Sweet Stuff.” Then, to please other tastes, announce
Unique Prize—First Class Funeral.

The lucky recipient to guarantee, however, that when he is buried
his executors shall be directed to inscribe merely “ Sweet Stuff ” on
his tombstone.

Other prizes and rewards of a similar character might be awarded.
For the rest stick to scissors and paste.

Sweet Stuff you will find soon paying its way. Its circulation will
increase by leaps and bounds. Before you "know where you are,
without the assistance of a staff, without the aid of anyone, you will
find you have amassed what, of course, you will advertise everywhere,

“A COLOSSAL FORTUNE.”

Transformation Scenes.— Called Bach at Prince’s changed into
Twins. Twins at Olympic changed into Called Bach.

B