Punch (90.1886)

30 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [January 16, 1886,

ANNALS OF A QUIET NEIGHBOURHOOD.

(THE FANCY BAZAAR IN AID OF THE SCHOOLS.)

Fair Stranger (to Dean's Wife, who is driving a lively trade with Photographs of her Husband). '' A—un—a—what would be the Price

of the Frame—a—without the Portrait?"

THE "OPENING CHOBUS."

Tutti. "We Swear!" All right, of course,
so far

Ensemble perfect, unison delightful.
One "back-row yoice, at most, may slightly

jar.

Its tone is coarse, its timbre truly frightful.
But for the rest, they warble as one man.
With such a Choir the piece should go!
They 're equal
To aught from rootletoo to rataplan.
Well, wait the sequel!

'Tis a new Choir, well stiffened, it is true,
With the old leading voices, but compacted

Of raw material much, with not a few
Mere novices, who've never sung or acted.

Well fugled they may do exceeding well,
Prove up to time and equal to their duty.

Only their promise one can hardly tell
By this first "tutti."

How many old familiar forms we miss!

How many more or less agreeable voices !
Where's Warton's bass? Well, on the
whole that is
A happy loss, in which the world rejoices.
But Cadte s agreeable chirp sounds now no
more,

Neither does Lawson's gay, if watery,
twitter;

Russell's exclusion is no doubt a bore,
Power's loss is bitter'.

And many another pleasant pipe is mute.
And many another blatant horn is muffled.

Well, well, with destiny who may dispute ?

There's mighty little use in being ruffled.
Lots of fresh voices swell the Choir's full ranks.

Will they go in for melody or blether ?
Will they essay eccentric vocal pranks,
Or sing together p

Their programme is, at present, little known,
Their repertoire 's untried, their power
uncertain.

They'll need first-rate conducting; that is
shown

Almost before the rising of the curtain.
Who's equal to the task ? A motley band,

If they should prove or wandering or wilful,
The Leader who would keep them well in hand,
Must needs be skilful.

The Opera has commenced ; bids fair to be
That rather common wonder called "a
Crisis "

(Each season now produces two or three).

Dark, doubtful, as the Mystery of Isis,
The future of the Company whose start

Is pictured pleasantly enough before us,
Performing, arm in air, or hand on heart,
The Opening Chorus.

Lux in Luce.

We are very sorry to hear that the" late
Editor of the Daily News has been compelled
to retire, because he was Hill. We hope he
will soon be Well. Also that a modus vivendi
may be satisfactorily arranged between the
retiring and untiring Editor and the Daily
Newsmen.

EXAMINATION PAPER FOR OFFICERS
OF THE FRENCH ARMY.

f Intended to test their Knowledge of the threatened
English Invasion.)

1. Give the names of the steamboats plying
between Southampton, Jersey, and St. Malo
that, could be used for conveying troops from
the English frontier to Dinard.

2. Describe the best mode of armour-
plating English bathing-maqhines.

3. What is the strength of the Heme Bay
Police ? Howis itlikely that force would be em-
ployed in an English descent upon Boulogne ?

4. Give* sketch-maps of Southend, the Isle
of Dogs, Margate, Broadstairs, and Eel Pie
Island, showing their strategical importance
in the event of an English invading flotilla
taking the seas.

5. Who is " Sir Watedj " ? Show how he
would utilise his Channel Tunnel if he com-
manded "the Monetic Army " (the Brigade of
Bulls and Bears from the Stock Exchange,
London).

6. Give your reason for considering '1 the In-
vasion Scare " ridiculous, and trace how the
Dove of Peace has been transformed by the
French newspapers into the warlike Canard.

tip for tories.

Oh ! scents from the river, the rail, the bone-
boilers ;

Cologne is not in it with London! Sad fact!
For the sake of our thinkers as well as our
toilers.

Will nobody pass an Oliactory Act P