Punch (90.1886)

10, 1886.] PUNCH, OE THE LONDON

CHARIVARI.

169

IN COURT JUST NOW.

MORE ADVERTISEMENTS.

(Useful to Practical Jokists, after the style of the one recently
played on Mr. Justice Hawkins. For Price of Pullica
tion, apply at the Era Office.)

WANTED, IMMEDIATELY, FOR A GRAND
EASTER BURLESQUE, three hundred Ballet
Ladies, of unexceptionable appearance. Must be beautiful.
Apply to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Lambeth
Palace. Office hours from 11 to 3.

USEFUL PEOPLE FOR A CIRCUS.—Required, to
open shortly on the Continent, by a Gentleman of
considerable distinction in another walk of life, -who
has made up his mind to devote the remainder of his
existence to horsemanship, some Bounding; Brothers of
Bohemia, and a few performing Elephants. Apply to
Premier, Downing Street,

TO CHAMBERMAIDS, WALKING GENTLEMEN,
and OLD "WOMEN—Any number required by a
Legal Gentleman, who, having ample leisure during the
Long Vacation, purposes to utilise it by taking round a
complete Company to the principal Provincial Towns.
Apply in person at the Royal Courts of Justice. Ask
for Baron Httddleston, Q.B.D.

Scene—Royal Courts of Justice. Summing-up in the great case of Jarndyce
v. Jarndyce. Court crowded. Jury attentive. Usher vigilant.

The Judge. Gentlemen of the Jury, this is a case in which the Plaintiff is a

linen-draper, residing at "Wolverhampton, and the Def-■ {A crash. The

Electric lamp-glass, suspended in the centre of the Court, falls on to the head of
a Learned Counsel, who is carried out bleeding. Sensation.) Dear me! Mr.
Cookham, who is that who has been injured ?

Mr. Coohham, Q.C. Merely a Junior, m' Lud.

The Judge {much relieved). Ah! then he won't he missed. But I confess I
should prefer some '' ancient lights'' in Court. {Laughter.) These Electric play-
things aie too dangerous. "Where is the Engineer ?
Usher. Gone circuit, I believe, m' Lud. _
The Judge [astonished). Circuit! Why, is he a Barrister ?
Mr. Coohham, Q.C. So, m' Lud. The Usher has made a slight mistake. He's
gone to " complete the circuit," that's all.

The Judge. Ah, well, when he comes back, I shall really insist on his keeping

posed the Engineer to the animadversion of the Court of Croivn Cases Reserved.
{Laughter.)

Mr. Coohham, Q. C. Not preserved, nf Lud, certainly. {More laughter.)

The Judge {turning to Jury). Well, Gentlemen, as I was saying, when the
Electrical Engineer's desperate attempt at manslaughter interrupted me, this is
a case in which the Plaintiff's name's—dear me! what is the Plaintiff's name P
—let me examine my notes. {Does so.) Why, what's this ? My notes are covered
with soot, or dust, or something ! So is my desk! {Looking up.) Why, so is
your wig, Mr. Cookham! {Turning angrily to Usher.) What is the meaning
of this ?

Usher {deprecatingly). 'Taint my fault, m'Lud. It's the blacks " come in with
the ventilation " ; they've come from the street.

The Judge {growling). Not the first nuisance we owe to a Street in this build-
ing. Well, Gentlemen, I must—phew!—adjourn this case till to-morrow; I
can't see you, owing to the density of the atmosphere, but I dare say you can hear
my voice. To-morrow, at the same time. And let me advise you, for your own
sakes, to bring helmets and respirators with you. [ Court rises, as the Blacks fall.

"A Lord in Watting."—Lord Hartington.

VOL. XC.

WILLIAM TO JOHN.

" Is the old man friendly ? "■—Dick Swiveller.

What do you say, my old friend John ?

Followers falter and friends fall off.
Joseph has left me, George Otto is gone;

Backers look doubtful and enemies scoff.
All thoughts are turning to you, John, to-day.
What do you say, John, what do you say ?

Birmingham's shaky, your Birmingham, Bright ;

Even my Abdiel Scots show alarms.
Can I count you on my side in the fight ?

Say, once again, are we brothers-in-arms ?
Hundreds ask which is your side in the fray.
What do you say, John, what do you say P

Veterans both, we may yet hold our own,

Fighting together as often of yore.
If you desert me, I shall feel alone.

Sad that, you know, John, at nearly four-score.
Come, must we part ? Are you going my way ?
What do you say, John, what do you say ?

THE BILL OF THE LEVEE.

{Companion Account ti the Expense of the Drawing-Paom.)

£ s. d.

Prime Minister. Wear and tear of old

Official Costume, &c. . . . . 2 10 0

Newly-Appointed Cabinet Minister (com-
plete outfit, West-End) . . . . 150 0 0

Ditto, ditto, ditto (ditto, as advertised, East-
End) ....... 43 7 10i

Colonel of Yeomanry (Royal Diddlesex

George the Fourth's Own) . . .268 15 10

Ditto of Volunteers (3rd Volunteer Batallion

Auld Reekie Regiment) . . . . 7 10 0

Subaltern of Ditto (Light Cavalry Troop,

Hon. Gun Association) . . . .96 12 0

Bishop (washing of lawn-sleeves, and lunch

at the Athenajum).....4 3 6

Queen's Counsel (wig and silk gown) . . 26 5 0

South American Minister (full diplomatic

uniform, credit prices) . . . . 126 10 0

Minister of the United States (hire of dress

clothes).......0 10 6

Messrs. Spiers and Pond are opening a "Maison
Duval" opposite the Law Courts. If successful, its best
advertisement will he, " Oh, go to the Duval! " Of oourse
it will be patronised by " The Duval's Own."

Wh at is their refreshing drink at a Cabinet meeting ?-
A "split."