Punch (90.1886)

G6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[February 6, 1886.

MAKING THE BEST

'At the back of the House there is a steep Hill—so we turned all the Baths we could find into Toboggans

a glorious time ! "—Extract from Julia's Correspondence, January 25.

THE FRIEND OE AGRICULTURE AND THE NEEDY
NEW VOTER.

a contribution to modern anti-jacobinism.

(Imitated from the celebrated Sapphics of Canning and Frcre.)

Friend of Agriculture.

Needy New Voter! Whither are you wending ?
Bad are the times, and hard upon your order.
Prices fall fast;—yonr stomach feels a vacuum,
So does your pocket!

Nubbly-knee'd rustic! little know the proud ones,
Who at their button flaunt the expensive orchid,
"What dreary work 'tis delving- all your days, and
Ending a pauper.

Tell me, Giles Joskin, whom your vote inclines to.
Is't the rich Had, who only aims to use you f
Or the kind Squire ? or Parson of the Parish—
Lavish of blankets ?

Is it sly Joe, who's playing his own game, or
Arch-diddler Arch? Are you the dupe or "ransom,"
Or roguish land-schemes, baited with that bogus^
Cow and Three Acres ?

(Have you read Popular Government, by Sir R. Maine ?)
Tears of compassion tremble on my eyelids.
Tell me your tale ; turn up those Rads, and trust the
Pitiful Tory.

Needy New Voter.
Tory ? Lor' bless ye, he has proved a sell, Sir.
What hath he done for I, or for the farmer ?
This poor old hat and breeches, yon bare acres,
Show him a diddle.
Promised Protection ? Boh! Can't take me in so.
Cow and Three Acres ? That's a Tory scare-crow ;
But,there be some small hope in altered land-laws
And small allotments.

I should be glad to think yer honour loved us ;
Might, if ye 'd been the first to gi' us the Vote now.
But do ut des* as Bizzy puts it; that is

My politics, Sir!

Friend of Agriculture.

Give thee the Vote ? I wish we 'd seen thee starved first.
Wretch! whom no thought but gain can move to gratitude ;
Sordid, uncultured, Socialistic, stupid

Radical cat's-paw V-

[Kicks the New Voter, compares him unfavourably with the
intelligent Conservative Working Man, and exit in a transport
of Constitutional enthusiasm and universal Anti- Jacobinism.

* Evidently Giles now reads his newspaper.

WISHES FOR SIR WILFRID.

(On his Egyptian Tour.)

1. That he may get rid of all his ale-ments.

2. That he may be recognised on the banks of the Nile as a jolly
good Fellah.

3. That the Red Sea won't make him an Ultra-Radical.
i. That he will induce the Khedive to sign the pledge.

5. That ho may rescue Egypt from the dominion of a Sublime (and
crusted) Port.

6. That he may bring back a really good Temperance Drink.

7. That he will invest the new Mahdi with a Blue Ribbon.

8. That his presence may conduce to the (harmless) elevation of
the Egyptian people.

9. That he may strike a blow at the worst of the Egyptian bonds—
the Soudanese slave-trade.

10. That his sojourn at Shepherd's Hotel, at Cairo, may be
marked by the introduction of a satisfactory " Liquor Bill."

The Bitter Cry of London (in the Snow-tiile).—" 'Ave yer
door done, Mum P "