Punch (90.1886)

180 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAPJVAKI. [Apeil io, 1886.

progress 'of the Measure with keen interest, but took no part in the
discussion.

Commons chiefly engaged for some hours in consideration of
Motion in favour of Universal International Penny Postage. Sir P.

Temple fast asleep on "back bench. Hen-
nlkee Heaton moved Resolution. Reid
seconded it in speech of extraordinary vigour.

Never saw a man so agitated.
Trembled in every fibre as he
discussed probable effect of Mo-
tion if carried. Arms, legs,
fingers, head, and small of the
back all brought into action to
demonstrate that 1' it only needs
strong pressure to induce foreign
countries to adopt a Penny
Postage.'; "This agitation,"
Reed said, clearing a fresh
space around him, as a settler
clears an opening in a prim-
eval forest, "goes back in
its origin to the time when in
this country we had succeeded in esta-
blishing a Penny Postage."

" Well," said Willie Beight, who
sat on the bench below, wearing a new
The Sleeping Beauty. tat, d(m>t care iow far baek tJle

agitation went; but as it seems to promise to go forward for some
time, I '11 go and look at the evening papers."

Dr. Cameeon moved to disestablish and disendow Scotch Church
right off. Debate enlivened by promising maiden speech from
Robeetson of Dundee. House thought it had enough on hand with
Ireland. Decided by 237 Votes against 125 to leave Scotch Kirk
alone for the present.

Wednesday— Chaplin, that many-sided man, came out in new
character this afternoon. Bill for Allotments and Small Holdings
brought in. In absence of Jesse Colltngs, engaged at Ipswich,
Chaplin opposed Bill. But, as he explained, with a tear dimming

his eyeglass, only on
account of its machi-
nery. With its object
he had the profoundest
sympathy. If _ there
was a creature in the
world whom he most
esteemed and res-
pected, it was the
Agricultural Labourer.
He would give him
small holdings if he
insisted, but would be
happier if he would be
so good as to take large
ones. Haecotjrt in-
conveniently reminded
him of very different
views expressed a
couple of months ago.
Chaplin visibly hurt

Chaplin and the Agricultaai;Labourer. at this unkindness
* But he had faith that

it would fail in its obvious effort to induce dissension between him
and his old-time friend, Hodge.

Business done.—Police Forces Enfranchisement Bill read Second
Time. Allotments Bill taLked out.

Thursday.—Lord Kensington and Lord Stalbeidge (better
known as Lord Richabd Gbosvenoe) inducted to seats in the House
of Peers. " Good Whips, when they retire from business, go to
the Lords—eh ? " said Wolveeton, welcoming the new-comers, who
hung timidly together like young girls just "out." Many nights
spent in Lobby together; heard the chimes of midnight, and long
after. Lovely and pleasant in the Commons, in the Lords they are
not divided.

"We'll tell together again yet, Kensington," said Lord Stal-
beidge, as they walked out hand-in-hand.

"Yes—but we get home so confoundedly early; and besides,
there s no bench by the doorway where one can go to sleep with one
eye open, and spring up to catch Members going out without having
paired."

In the Commons, De Cobain has come to the conclusion that he
won't ask any more questions. He is one of the Members for Belfast.
Hates the Pope, and draws the skirts of his coat together when he
passes Joseph Gtllis. Not fluent of speech, but can ask questions.
Always at it. Industrious as Parnellites themselves in raking up
local fables, and putting questions to Chief Secretary, with intent to

bring Land-Leaguers into contempt. "The bhoys" determined to
let him in. To-day, being Pirst of April, appropriate occasion. Con-
cocted thrilling story about proceedings at Election of Poor Law
Guardians at Tralee. Represented that the Mary Street Branch of
the National League in Tralee threatened any voter who supported
Mr. John Dtjadon, Conservative candidate, and opposed William
Fltnn, the Nationalist. Drink generously supplied, and a man
named William Denny brought into Tralee dead drunk, occasioning
resort to stomach-pump effectively used by Doctors Mueeat and
Mallalt.

De Cobatn's hair bristled with indignation as he read these facts.
Government must be called immediately to account. Put down
question for All Fools' Day, reciting blood-curdling details, and de-
manding " whether Her Majesty's Government would take steps to
set aside the election P " On arriving at House, found telegram
awaiting him. All a hoax. No Mary Street Branch of League at
Tralee. Mr. John Duadon a myth, and so were Mr. William
Eltnn and Doctors Mueeat and Mdxlaly. Stomach-pump a
phantom. Only person in Tralee named William Denny, an
esteemed local leader of the Orange party. De Cobain found he
had a sudden and urgent engagement elsewhere. Not in his place
when Question put. But Tim Healt with inimitable gravity
dragged it all out. A fine light-hearted lot, the bhoys!

Business done.—Crofters' Bill in Committee.

Friday Night.—Randolph in his
place at question time. Stayed to
listen to discussion on Motion about
Diplomatic Agents Abroad. Thought
he would go to dinner. This debate
might last another hour or so. At
any rate nothing much would be
done after it. So strolled off to
dinner, and strolled back a little
after Ten, having in the meantime
judiciously dined. Horror at observ-
ing House upon Order Twelve,
having passed the rest all but
</~~Zf Motion relating to Distress,
and Out-door Relief. That
y passed over in absence of new
President of Local Government
Board, who has gone off to Halifax to
get re-elected. Randolph, having
regained his breath, stormed and
raged. Warned House against " the
rashness and recklessness of legisla-
tion going on at the moment."

Bill under discussion, one to prevent
sale of intoxicating liquors to children.
Grand Ceoss had, before Randolph
came in, supported the Bill. Mundella

, peached upon him. Pitiful to see
President of Local Government %r£ffld Ckoss-s state of terror when

Randolph turned round with mute
inquiry whether this was really so. Grand Ceoss endeavoured to
wriggle out of the situation, but House would not have it, and
Randolph resumed his seat in grim silenoe.
Business done.—A great deal.

TO BASHFUL AUTHORS.

It must be an awful thing nowadays to be a bashful Author, if
there are any. The terrors of his life,_as soon as he becomes anybody,
are growing impossible—and anonymity his only refuge. A friend
of ours who writes lectures and tales has consulted us, as the recog-
nised Dean of Letters, on what is to be done. His one desire is to do
his work to the best of his power, and then to hear the least he pos-
sibly can about it, and do some more. There really are a few like
that still. Of course the proverbial good-natured friend will be
careful that he shall hear of anything ill-natured enough: but that
is quite proper. But what of this ? A terrible person called Stomakt
or something like it, has established an " Agency," and writes to our
unhappy friend that, for a consideration, he will supply him "with
all comments, criticisms, &c, from the entire British, Colonial and
Foreign Press, on yourself, your lectures, or any subject in which you
may he interested." Underlined as in the original. As our friend
happens to be interested in everything that goes on, Stomaky's work,
in this respect, would seem to be out out for him. But what a ghastly
threat! "I may add," finally adds S., " that most of the principle
(sic) Actors and Actresses, among whom are G. B. Sims, Fsq., are
already subscribers." Whether the omnivorous Sims are an Actor or
an Actress, our friend, who has heard of him but as an Author, does
not know. But poor Sims, to have his little weaknesses thus adver-
tised ! Pollaky was nothing to Stomaet.

TO CORRESPONDENTS—In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied
by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders.