Punch (90.1886)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat i, 1886.

A PRIMROSE DAME.

Sketched by Our Artist in Covent Garden, April 19.

AMATEUR WORK.

By a New Hand.

I have already described with what success I essayed the part of acting as my own Paper-
hanger and my own Chimney-sweep; and now, owing- to an attempt to serve as my own
Plumber, I have found myself called upon, by a natural sequence of events, to discbarge the
duties of my own Dentist. The details are very simple.

Wishing to arrange some irregularities of an upper cistern, I somehow contrived, by inju-
diciously removing a foot of the supply-pipe at, I fancy, the wrong place, to divert the con-
tinuous service inside the house for thirteen hours and a half, flooding the stairs and landings
with a complete cataract, and turning the whole of the premises from top to bottom, for the
time being, into a vigorous and unceasing shower-bath. Happening to have an invalid Uncle
staying on a visit with me, who would come out to see what was the matter, the damp flew to
his face, with the result of giving him a violent toothache. He talked of "having it out,"
upon which I at once volunteered my services, assuring him that I felt quite equal to acting,
on an emergency, as " my own family Dentist"; and, after a little pressure, he cheerfully
consented to place himself in my hands.

Thus came about my experience, which, as it is instructive, and may serve as a useful
guide to others who wish to conduct the operation of tooth-extraction at home, without the
intervention of the professional Middleman, I will furnish from my rough notes, jotted down
off-hand during the progress of the proceedings.

Having agreed to take out mj_ invalid Uncle's tooth, prepare to arrange
room suitably, and look out fitting instruments. After hunting well all over the
house for the latter, manage to secure a fair collection, consisting of a stout pair
of carpenter's pincers, a pair of nutcrackers, curling-tongs, iever-corkserew,
carving-fork, and piece of bell-wire, which I fancy will be sufficient. Fasten
the foot-stool to the back of the study arm-chair to make a head-rest, and place
it opposite the window, and, all being ready, ask my Uncle to take his seat. He
does so, and opens his mouth. I ask him which is the tooth. He says he
doesn't know, but thinks it is the third from the back at the bottom. I take
up the carpenter's pincers, but tell him it is better to make sure, and, as the boy
fr om the Chemist's happens to he calling with some medicine at that moment, I
propose to call him in, and have his opinion. My Uncle nods. Boy comes in.
Questioned, he says he can't tell which tooth it is, but that if I take three out
I'm pretty sure to have the right one. He adds that he has always seen that
done at the surgery. Put this to my Uncle. He says I had better, at any
rate, begin at something. Determine that I will, and endeavour to fasten on
the third tooth at the bottom with the carpenter's pincers. Fancy I have got it
all right. Give a wrench, and my Uncle comes out of the chair. I let go. He
says he doesn't think I had got hold of the right one, and, at any rate, he can't
keep his head steady when I pull. Suggest that I shall send up and ask the
man who is tuning the piano in the drawing-room, if "he '11 mind just stepping
clown for a moment and holding it."

Pianoforte Tuner appears, and vte try again. Result no better. This time
I pull my Uncle with the chair, and the Pianoforte Tuner holding on to the back
all together right up to the window. "We pause to take breath, and I again let

go. The Pianoforte Tuner suggests that it
isn't strength that is wanted but "knack."
He says it's all done by the wrist, and that
he has heard that savages can take out their
own teeth with the greatest ease. Remem-
ber that a Retired South-African Mission-
ary lives round the corner, and send a line
begging him '' just to step in for a moment."
He comes. Explain the situation. He says
that the natives with whom he had to deal
used to whip their teeth oat with a scalping-
knif e, but that this was a sort of relig ious
rite that he does not think I could safely
practise on my Uncle, and that he should
advise a piece of string and pulley, which,
when nine thousand miles away from a
Dentist, he used to have recourse to himself.
Thank him for his advice. Send for ball of
twine, fasten it with bell-wire to my Uncle's
tooth, and pass it over the curtain-pole.
Pull hard. My Uncle raised some way out
of his chair, but no use. String breaks.
Chemist's Boy asks why I don't "try the
nutcrackers." I do, but can't get a good
purchase with them. Offer them to the
Pianoforte Tuner, who also tries and fails.
Retired South-African Missionary and
Chemist's Boy both have a turn, but with
no better result. My Uncle says I had
better fall back upon the pincers, and that
he thinks I did "loosen something" with
them. Take them up again, and determine
to see if I cannot manage a little " knack"
with the wrist this time. Fix firmly, I
think, on the right tooth, the Pianoforte
Tuner and Chemist's Boy holding my Uncle
tightly back, while the Retired South-
African Missionary throws his weight on to
my side. The Pianoforte Tuner says that
when we pull a chorus would help us. He
leads as with:—" Yeo ho ! boys. Yeo oh ! "
We all join in this, and at each line give
a prolonged tug at my Uncle. Certainly the
tooth moves. I warm to my work. Yes, I
feel it giving! "Now then, once more, all
together—Yeo ho ! boys ! " I fall back-
wards on to the floor with the Retired South-
African Missionary, and my Uncle and the
chair go over in the opposite direction in a
heap with the Pianoforte Tuner and Chemist's
Boy. But the tooth is oat!

I must, however, add, in justice to those
who are disposed to follow in my footsteps,
that though the tooth was extracted, it was,
unfortunately, not the right one. That was
eventually removed at the Dental Hospital.
But I would not discourage the Amateur
Dentist. He onlj; requires_ decision in hand-
ling, and knaek in execution. The last he
could attain, I should say, by practising
pulling out carpet-nails.__

specimens op indigenous " floorer."

In preparation tor the Colonial Exhibition.

ijgg' TO CORKESPONDEIiTS__In no case can Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, or Drawings, be returned, unless accompanied

by a Stamped and Directed Envelope or Cover. Copies of MS. should be kept by the Senders.