Punch (90.1886)

276

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 5, 1886.

"How do you make that out?" said Einlaysoit, doing the sum in
his head.

In Commons adjourned Debate
on Home-Rule Bill resumed.
But first the Sage of Queen
Anne's Gate carried Motion ad-
journing Sitting over Derby Day.
Quite touching to find the Sage
posing as a champion of old in-
stitutions, with special reference
to the Parliamentary holiday on
Derby Day. "In these days of
change," he said, "when institu-
tions most sacred are menaced,
let us at least hold firm to some-
thing." Isaacs, who seconded Motion,
a little heavy in his humour. '1 Some-
thing like what you might expect
from Noah," said Cadtb. Sir George
Campbell opposed Motion in most
popular speech he ever delivered. It
occupied only two minutes in the
delivery. Then Motion carried by
royal salute of 101 majority.

Business done. — More of Home-
Rule Debate.

Thursday.—Lobby filled with ex-
cited crowd. Reported that Old Par-
liamentary Hand has given a certain
turn to affairs, that the Government,
yesterday on the verge of defeat, and

the House, within measurable distance .....

of Dissolution, both been saved. Mem- H" B-ch-rd-OumBelf agam).

bers come and go, button-holeing each other in
earnest conversation. At 4'40 sudden scamper.
Report gone round that Gladstone is on his
legs. Members rush in, and crowd the House.
Yes, there he is at the table, smiling and
bland, indicating with courteous minuteness
precise passages in a speech delivered three
weeks ago, in which Members inquisitive as to
the fate of the Land Bill, can find full informa-
tion of the Government intention with respect
to it. That not quite what was wanted. In-
tended to draw Premier into damaging and
embarrassing statements. But he last man in
the world conscious of such intention. A new
Member has asked a question, and here is his
answer. So, smiling and nodding in friendliest
manner, he resumes his seat, whilst House
chuckles with delight, and enterprising
new Member sits in bewilderment. Not
quite sure whether it is he or the Old Par-
liamentary Hand who has scored, but a
little doubtful whether it is himself.

Hicks-Beach, backed by longer experi-
ence and more important position, tries it
on in another direction, but with no more
success. The Premier is blander than
ever, increasingly willing to be commu-
nicative, talks several moments, and sits
' down without having said anything.

House resumed Committee on Arms Bill.
Towards midnight proceedings interrupted
J. F-nl-ys-n. in extraordinary fashion. " Don't you,"
said Colonel Salls - Schwabe to Major
(Militia) Ashmead-Bartlett, "Don't you—hm{—{sniffing)— hear
a smell ? "

"Now you mention it," said the Major, "I
think I do."

Once mentioned, everybody, including Grand
Cross, heard the smell. Excitement grew.
Irish Members prattled on, but no one noticed.
At last, E. 11. Cook, suddenly rising, protested,
as a Liberal and a Soapmaker, against the pre-
valent perfume, and moved to report progress.
Lyon Playeair pleaded the ineffectiveness of
the proposal. Sir H. Roscoe, Chairman of the
Committee on Smells, whilst drawing the line at
going down to the sewers that evening, volun-
teered to " go round," and inspect the smell.
On this understanding, Motion to Report Pro-
gress withdrawn. Bill passed through Com-
mittee, and then Randolph, rising to the height
of the occasion, moved the Adjournment of the
House, in order to relieve Members from
the necessity of breathing " the poisonous
and mephitic air."

Business done.—House smelt out.

Friday Night, — " Such larks!" as
Joe Qargery said to Pip. Randolph
and Hicks-Beach walked down to House
together disconsolate.

"Must do something," said Hicks-
Beach. " Getting stale to accuse Old
Man of purposely delaying division. Time ,. T. ,, , „ „ .
to do something striking." Don * >'ou hear a SmeU;

" Very well," said Randolph, " let's obstruct
the debate ourselves by moving Adjournment of
House."

"Done!" said Hicks-Beach, and he did it.
Brought up Gladstone seething hot. Randolph
foUowed. In excitement of moment committed
grave blunder. Accused Gladstone of
having said he would postpone Home-Rule
Bill till the winter. Gladstone shook his
head. Randolph persisted. Unfortu-
nately held newspaper report of speech in
his hand. House insisted on his reading.
Randolph obliged to correct himself.

Worse still at the end. Beach wanted
to withdraw Motion for Adjournment.
House refused permission. Parnellites
clamoured for division. Beach, Ran-
dolph, and the rest consequently obliged
to vote against their own Motion, passing
group of jeering Irishmen on the way
to Lobby. For Sir Michael Beach's
motion 1, against, 405.

" I'm not sure, Randolph," said Beach,
"that your advice was, on the whole,
judicious."

" My advice ?" said Randolph, snap-
pishly. "Why, it was yours. Don't
you address me any more. I'll never
speak to you again." After this Rigby,
Q.O., resumed debate on Home-Rule Bill.
But the House had had. enough for one
night, and Rigby orated before empty ° •'

benches. Business done.—Arms Bill read Tmrd lime.

Dear Mr. Punch.—You heard of my mot f Sir William said that
in describing the G.O.M.'s manoeuvres I had used "the language of the
Derby." " No," says I, across the table, " it was the language of the
Hoax." Neat, eh ? Lots more where that came from.—Yours ever,
Randolph toe Rum'un, alias Joe Miller Junior.

Thuksday, May 27,—Insanitary state of the House. " O-dour what can the matter be ? " " The Nose have it!'

"You will Nose it in the Lobby "—Shakspcaro.

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