Punch: Punch (38.1860)

March 3, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

91

MR. BULL ENLARGING HIS BUSINESS.

Mr. John Bull, having lately been obliged to incur an enormous outlay in consequence
of the necessity of making the vast repairs and alterations requisite for the defence and
security of his Extensive Premises, is sensible that his object of reimbursing himself will
be most speedily and certainly effected by an unlimited expansion of his gigantic Business,
in all its numerous and important branches. He has accordingly come to the deter-
mination of devoting his whole energies to the prosecution of Trade, in defiance of all
obstacles, and irrespectively of every other consideration. Eor the thorough accomplishment
of this grand design, he is fully resolved to make the most tremendous sacrifices, at an
immediate loss, which would be ruinous under ordinary circumstances. Accordingly it is his
intention to adopt a system which will virtually be one of

ENTIRELY FREE IMPORTS,

He lias also made up his mind to ruu every risk which may be

Unlimited Exportation of Coal

regardless of reciprocity,
involved in allowing the

and everything else, in pursuance of an agreement into which he has entered with his
Majesty the Emperor of the French, which will also involve the unrestricted

ADMISSION OF FOREIGN WINE,

subject only to a slight duty for purposes of revenue, which will most likely be ultimately
altogether repealed. By the same arrangement all French manufactures, Silks, Gloves,
Works of Ornament and Luxury, will be taken on the same advantageous terms. To
provide for the temporary deficiency which may be apprehended as the immediate consequence
of a bold Commercial Policy, Mr. Bellas fully prepared to submit to pay the awful penalty
of a galling, oppressive, and inquisitorial Income-Tax amounting to the amazing, awful,
and portentous figure of

TENPENCE IN THE POUND!

By the proof which he has thus afforded of his decided resolution to do Business on the
largest and most liberal scale, Mr. Bull hopes to secure the immensely increased custom of
his European Patrons, and all Consumers in the other quarters of the Globe.

J. B. begs to state, that he has now nearly completed the Insurance of his Premises, which,
beside the regular Police, are guarded by a numerous and effective force, consisting of his
Young Men, by whose assistance he trusts to be enabled to repel attack as well as to defy
competition.

A New Feature that will Shortly be Seen.

So numerous are the Divorces and Judicial Separations now becoming, that we should not be
surprised to see them regularly inserted in the Papers every day amongst the Births, Deaths,
and Marriages, taking up their place, with becoming modesty, after the latter. We throw out
the notion for the benefit of any cheap paper that is anxious to bid largely for notoriety.
What a fearful column, too, they would make every week in the Observer; and we have not
the least doubt it would prove, especially to the friends and acquaintances of the parties
implicated, a most attractive one. Borrowing the title of the Colonne, that stands with
outstretched wings on the old Place de la Bastille, it might be called The Column of Liber'y.

“CHAPLAIN, BUTLER, BRATS AND
ALL.”

Is there no mistake about the following
advertisement, which appeared a day or two ago
iu the Times:—

TJUTLER WANTED, an experienced middle.
-L* aged man, without encumbrance, for a large family,
decided in his religious views (Evangelical). No nominal
Christian need apply. Address A.B., 5, Soho Square, by
letter, paid.

Surely there is some misprint. The Soho
Square personage is made to ask for a Butler,
but surely he means Chaplain. What is the con-
nection between decided Evangelical views and
the duties of the butler’s pantry ? Can only a
Calvinist detect a corked bottle, and is an Armi-
nian’s nose dead to the aroma of Burgundy ?
Must one despise good works before one can
appreciate good port, and is a belief that nine-
tenths of one’s acquaintances will be eternally
unhappy necessary to keeping the cellar-book
straight and airing the claret before dinner?
Evidently there must be some mistake. A. B.
cannot be such a fool as the advertisement would
make him. We are the more inclined to think
that lie wants, or at least needs, a chaplain, tc
teach him a little of what is fitting, inasmuch as
real Christians do not usually speak of Heaven’s
gift of little children as an “ encumbrance.” They
remember something of a Book where children
are mentioned in another way. Evidently A. B.
has a right to have his advertisement corrected.
By the way, what does he mean by saying he
will have “no Nominal Christian?” Is the
chaplain or butler, or whatever he may be, to
represent himself as something else than a
Christian ? It may be so, for his proposed master
A. B. certainly does the same in his advertise-
ment. We don’t know what sort of a cellar of
wine A. B. may keep, but it strikes us that as
Mr. Compton said in a play, “ his bottle of
brains has suddenly come to the thicks.”

ASTROLOGY IN QUEER STREET.

The other day, in a report of the proceedings in
the Insolvent Debtors’ Court, there appeared a
case under the alarming designation-

“ In re Francis Moore.”

What 1 everybody must have exclaimed on
meeting the above name in such a position, is
this the pass that things have come to with our
old friend, Francis AIoore, Physician? On
further perusal, however, it appeared, to the
relief of the reader, that—

“ Mr. Sargood applied to vacate proceedings, on the
satisfactory plea that the debts were paid and satisfied.”

Rejoicing, therefore, to find that Francis
Moore has surmounted his difficulties, wre sup-
pose that Saturn has got out of conjunction with
Mars, or some other equally malefic planet;
and accordingly that Francis Moore, Physician,
if he is the Physician, has got out of his scrape.

Income with a Difference.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer treats
precarious income and permanent income, taken
together for the purpose of taxation, as alike
income simply and absolutely considered;
whereas the truth is, that they are incommen-
surate.

PICKED UP AT THE DRAMATIC AUTHORS’.

Why is a Syncretic’s * tragedy like a blister ?

Because it draws only one night.

* We generously forbear printing the distinguished
Syncretic's name.