Punch: Punch (39.1860)

November 3, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

173

THE CAUSE OF THE ROMISH CRUSADERS.

THERE was a time not far away.

When Cullen’s Church the wisest schooled

Rings governed with unbridled sway;

And priests the ruler’s conscience ruled.

How high attained the human mind?

A holy Mother formed it then;

She had the teaching of mankind,

And should have made them noble men.

Ah ! then the world, for some brief space,
Beheld the reign of truth and good.

And, lessoned by supernal grace,

Man’s dues and duties understood ;

But rarely’then were subjects moved
Against their monarchs to rebel:

For Princes in their conduct proved
The right divine to govern well.

Yes, then hard hearts were taught to feel;
Then scourges tore the scorner’s back;

Then bones were crushed upon the wheel,

And sinews snapped upon the rack.

The tongue that uttered words of sin
Was then torn out by zealous ire,

And misbelievers’ living skin
Hissed, shrunk, and crackled in the fire.

Alas! offenders now atone
Their crimes by torment scarcely more;

Subverted is the Bourbon’s Throne,

That did some wretches force to roar.

The groan, the shriek, the scream, the wail,
From cell and scaffold cease to rise ;

IN o roasting heretics exhale
Unwilling incense to the skies.

Ages of Faith, will you revive,

And miscreants shall we yet behold,
Whipped, mangled, maimed, and burnt alive,
As in the pious days of old ?

Or have the wise, the good, and brave,

Been fighting, with devotion fired,

In vain, that Dynasty to save
Which those delightful times inspired ?

I

A NEW OPENING.

The way in which our streets are torn up at the present moment
affords an admirable opening for street conjurors and posture-mongers,
of which our al fresco professors liberally avail themselves. As the
thoroughfares are impassable for vehicles, they have the street all to
themselves, and they can carry on their gymnastics without the slightest
interruption. When half-a-dozen Risleys have built themselves into a
living pyramid almost as tall as a Manchester warehouse, ithey can-
not pick themselves quickly to pieces, a Bounding Brick of Babylon
at a time, as often as a Pickford’s van is seen in the distance gallop-
ing, w-ith the speed of a fire-engine, towards them. The consequence
is, that the wearers of pink flesnings have been doing a rare sweeping
business lately, which is likely to continue until such time as our
Paving Commissioners and Gas Companies force them to shut up
shop, by closing the chasms that are such profitable mines of
wealth to all followers of the haute gymnastique. The only drawback
is, the fear that occasionally possesses the aspiring gentleman who
acts the apex of la Perche, of falling some thirty or forty feet to the
bottom of a most uninviting sewer, that he sees yawning beneath
him.

It is not at all pleasant to think that the smallest hesitation, the most
trifling deviation from the right line of conduct, on the part of his
confrere who is performing the part of base below, might cause him
at any moment to play the involuntary character of Marcus Curtius.
The apprehension takes away materially from the pleasure that ambition
has generally in reaching the summit of its wishes; nor can the poor
posturer, who, poised in the air, is girouettiny, like a corporeal weather-
cock, in front of the attic windows, be buoyed up mucii with the con-
soling conviction that, supposing he were to leap into the gulf, his
country would gain anything by it, or even be grateful for the sacrifice.
We doubt if the sewers would close any the quicker. Another draw-
back is, that these exciting performances distract the attention of the
workmen a great deal too much. The bold navvy leans upon his pick-
axe, and stares his eyes out with admiration, quite unconscious of
■ he rolling hours. We cannot blame him, for human nature loves play
better than work; but still we see clearly that, unless these moving
distractions are made to move off altogether, our streets give every

promise of being, like the Haymarket Theatre, open all the year
round.

Is there no Early-Closing Association that can look into the matter,
and get these million-and-one cruel incisions into the bowels of the
earth to close a little earlier. If they would close at two o’clock on
the Saturdays only, still it would be a great boon, and would go a long
way to make matters a little smoother. Rent-day, we believe, comes
in the country not more than four times a-year, and in Ireland, some-
times, it never comes at all; but in London it is rent-day every day
throughout the year, and so sadly is every thoroughfare distrained upon
in consequence of these numerous rents, that we have scarcely a stick
or a stone that we can call our own.

Couldn’t the Paving and Lighting Commissioners come to some
arrangement to open only one or two, and not all the streets, at the
same time ? Or are the present regulations intended as a punishment
upon all those pitiable parties who are compelled, less from choice than
necessity, to stop in town ? It may probably be our own fault. It
serves us right, if we do inhale gases and other perfumes unregistered
by Delcroix, and other perfumers who take the nose of the public in
hand. By rights, we should be at Brighton, or Leamington, or Scar-
borough—anywhere but in this unpleasant London.

In the interim, if there is any inquiring foreigner who is anxious to
see anything of the interior life of London, now then, we say, is his
time. He will find a capital opening for pursuing his researches,
ready-made for him, in Piccadilly, the Strand, or Regent Street, or
any main thoroughfare (so called, because the main is always being
pulled up) where the traffic is greatest.

THE MOST DELICATE COURTESY OF 4LL,

In graceful acknowledgment of the Duke of Newcastle’s having
brought H. R. H. to America, the Republicans have nearly made up
their minds to choose as President—A Lincoln.

A PARALLEL—SLIGHTLY COLOURED.

If China suffers under its Tae-pings, England has almost as great a
nuisance in its Red Ta-pings.