Punch: Punch (39.1860)

192 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 17, 1860.

orange in favour of those Armstrong guns. {Cheers.) As for the Volun-
teers, I am told they marclied in a remarkably elegant manner in the
Show to-day, and those who were so good-natured, ought, I think, to
be called “Gog’s Own,” for the future. I am sorry to hear that any
Volunteers are likely to be such asses as to be diddled into joining a
ridiculous expedition to Paris, but I trust that the number will be
small, and that they will all be expelled from their companies on their
return. Well, my Lord, we are Hampshire neighbours, and though
we can’t quite do this sort of thing at Broadlands, I needn’t say that
we shall always be delighted to see you there, and in the meantime I
congratulate you on getting upon a dais which has added a Cubit to
your stature. {Loud cheers.)

Mr. Gladstone. I have the honour of proposing the health of the
Lobd Mayor. I always like three courses before me, but to-day I
have had nine. When I proposed that the people should have cheap
Claret, I did not exactly design to drink it myself; and 1 am bound to
say that this last bottle is an inconceivably thin potation. When I can
get a decent glass I will give the toast I am honoured with. {Tastes.)
Yes, that’s more like it. That’s real stuff, and not Treaty tipple.
Quam bonum est in visceribus meis ! My Lord, you are a Conservative.
1 was one once, aud may be again; but that’s nothing. I propose
your health, and, as Chancellor of the Exchequer, I thank you for
having built so many hundreds of residences for persons of the class
only too happy to contribute to the taxation which it is my duty to
impose—builders like you are indeed bricks.

The Loud Mayor gave the House of Lords and Lord Brougram.

Lord Brougham said that he was going to speak for forty years.
{Sensation) No, no, he meant that he had been speaking during
that time, and very frequently in the City. He hoped often to do
so again, aud was very sorry that M. Berryer was not in better
spirits.

The Lord Mayor gave the House of Commons and Lord John
Russell.

Lord John Russell said that he had perfectly understood M. de
Persigny, whose French was exceedingly pure {a bow from M. de P),
and extremely like that which he, Lord John, adopted in his despatches.
He was very much indebted to M. de Persigny for the warm tribute
he had paid to the administration of the Foreign Office by himself,
Lord J. Russell (M. de Persigny. “Mon ceil!”), and he hoped
long to deserve the praises which had been showered upon him. He
had his own authority and Dr. Cumming’s for stating, that so long as
the Foreign Affairs of England were in his, Lord J. Russell’s, hands,
so long would England pursue the exact path delineated for her by a
favouring Destiny.

Some other toasts followed, especially some exceedingly buttery
ones, which were handed round with the tea, and which the medical
gentlemen present recommended, with furtive smiles. There was also
a good deal of music, which prevented a certain amount of nonsense
from being talked and heard. We did not hear of any particular
accidents up to the time of going to press.

HELP FOR BOMBALINO.

..... . .1 i.

houses with their instruments of torture, and extorting from their
inmates the blackest of black mail. The police, it seems, are power-
less to protect us from these robbers, who steal away our brains like
the enemy of Cassius, and if they cannot rob us of our money, rob us of
our quiet, our comfort, and our rest.

Now might we not, relieve both Bombalino and ourselves by sending
him at once a contingent of these creatures, who are amply good
enough to be food for powder, and to serve the falling cruel tyrant’s
cause? Detested as they are by all thinking persons here, the Organ-
men must surely lead most miserable lives, and it would be far better
to be shot down at Gaiita than be hunted down in England (as they
will ere long) by Punch. Besides, are they not Italians ? And is it not
dulceet decorum, pro patria mori? To Be sure, if they assisted the
wretched Bourbon cause, it could scarcely be asserted that they died
for Italy. Still they would have the satisfaction at least of dying in it,
and England would be grateful to them if Italy were not. We gladly
would engage Dr. Cullen and his priests, and get up a subscription to
say masses for their souls, if we only knew for certain that their bodies
had departed, and would not again molest us with their brain-dis-
tracting arts.

Persons of humane and charitable feelings, and the bumps of whose
benevolence are unusually big, might earn our lasting thanks by taking
up this matter ; by enlisting first of all, say, the six or seven millions
of Organmen in London, and supplying them with ships and so forth
to depart. It would, we think, be hardly needful to furnish them with
arms, for of course care would be taken that they had their organs
with them, and it would be difficult to give them a more offensive
weapon. An organ in full play is indeed a deadly instrument, and he
must be a bold man who would at short range dare to face it. Our
chief fear, in fact, would be that, like the brave Irish Brigade, the
Organmen would prove rather difficult to kill, and would come back
like those martyrs to be feted in the flesh, instead, as we would wish,
of being henceforth heard of only in the spirit.

NO MORE SAXON FOR CELTS !

An Irish patriot aud geographer, called The O’Donoghue, who is
said to have discovered that Ireland is not a part of Great Britain, has,
in concert with several compatriots, embarked in an agitation for the
Repeal of the Union which connects Great Britain with Ireland. With
j a view to the prosecution of their advantageous and hopeful design,
they are about to expose themselves at an assembly which the Nation
announces in the following paragraph:—

“ We are Lappy to leam that our highly-talented and distinguished countryman
The O’Donoghce, M.P., and Mr. Georoe Henry Moore, with other gentlemen oi
known patriotism and abilities, have signified their intention to be present at a
meeting in favour of Ireland’s right to choose her own rulers which is shortly to be
held in this City.”

Repeal, which an O’Connell proved unable to carry, is evidently
going to be accomplished by the O’Donoghue. We are fortunately in
a position to be enabled to explain the means by which the success of
this hitherto impracticable undertaking will be secured. The O’Don-
ogiiue’s discovery that Ireland is not a part of Great Britain involves
the equally important discovery that Irish is not English; that the
language of one of these countries differs from that of the other. This
being so, it is felt that a great mistake has been made by Irish patriots
in going on, year after year, shouting for repeal in the language of
Dr. Johnson and Lindley Murray. A man’s speech bewrayeth him
all the world over, and The O’Donoghue and his associates find that
they have been howling for Irish nationality in the Saxon tongue amid
the ridicule of mankind. They have therefore determined that the
rights of Ireland shall henceforth be proclaimed in Irish. It is their
intention to harangue their countrymen in the original brogue which
served Brian Boru or Burroo—or whatever they call him—to express
his ideas, such as he had, and was employed by St. Patrick in con-
verting the natives of the Emerald Isle and bothering the varmint.

The national language will also be adopted by all the Ultramontane
Press, and especially of course by the Nation. By" this expedient
great facilities will be gained for publishing treason with impunity.
Religious journals will be enabled to express unbounded sympathy for
Sepoys or other savages undergoing persecution for the slaughter of
English heretics. Yelling with joy over the reverses of Britons in wild
Irish, the faithful, intelligible only to each other, will not create that
scandal of which his Holiness the Pope is now reaping some of the
consequences in the influence exerted by England on his temporal affairs.

The O’Donoghue himself, if with the Speaker’s permission, he shall
address the House of Commons in his native language, will be quite
as patiently listened to, and as implicitly credited as he would if he
were to solicit the dismemberment of the Empire, abuse the Italiau
nationalists, and trumpet forth the wrongs of tortured Ireland, in terms
which all his hearers could understand. Erin, go bragh ! Hurroo for
The O’Donoghue—the gentleman that goes in for an Irish Parliament,
and has the definite article for a handle to his name

Valuations Taken.

We fancy a very pretty Rule of Three sum might be worked out of
the title of a book, which has recently been introduced to the notice of
the public, under the name of the Valley of a Hundred Fires. If, as
the advertisements tell us, it is possible to get “FYnir Fires for a
1 Penny,” it would not be very difficult, we imagine, to ascertain what
j the “valley” of a hundred fires would come to. Any school-boy, ca
! Lord Malmesbury, could do it.