Punch: Punch (39.1860)

December 1, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. SIT

:

1

A JOKE AT ST. GEORGE’S-IN-THE-EAST.

ne day last week some
very good fun occur-
red at a meeting of
the vestry of that ec-
clesiastical bear gar-
den, St. George’s-in-
the-East. Mr. How-
ell, theYestry Clerk,
having related the
particulars of an in-
terview with the
Bishop of London-

“ Mr. Barrett said he
could not help thinking
that the Bishop was act-
ing courteously; but what
he might be doing spi-
ritually was a very dif-
ferent thing. He tried to
please the people, but so
would a mountebank.
{Oh, oh, and uproar.) ”

Mr. Barrett had
never perhaps had oc-
casion to transcribe,
in his early days, the
aphorism which de-
clares that “compari-
sons are odious.” A
gentleman capable of
comparing the Bishop
of London to a
mountebank, would
be likely not to have
been very highly edu-
cated; indeed, to be
an offender against
decorum of the class
“R. &W. Imp.” The

similitude insinuated by Mr. Barrett was, if rather objectionable, still highly comical,
as anybody will acknowledge who recollects the bishop’s photograph, and endeavours, by
its aid, to imagine him grimacing in motley, or even making a fool of himself at a
Puseyit.e altar. Scandalised, however, rather than diverted by the irreverent absurdity which
his colleague had just perpetrated—

“ Mr. Littlejohn protested against the Bishop being likened to a mountebank, and moved that the state-
ment of Mr. Howell be entered upon the minutes of the vestry.

The motion was agreed to.”

Yery well; but Mr. Barrett’s comparison ought to have been recorded, as well as the
statement of Mr. Howell. Oh, that somebody had been there to write down the Bishop

a mountebank, according to Mr. Barrett, and
to write Mr. Barrett down a British Vestry-
man! The convocation of parochial authorities
in which that worthy distinguished himself by
the above quoted sally of broad but disrespect-
ful humour, is called, in the report of it, an
“Extraordinary Vestry Meeting.” In point of
intelligence, wisdom, and refinement, however,
it seems to have been characterised by just the
ordinary features of that species of assembly.

TURNING-POINTS ?

We read that, an action for damages has been
brought for some “ turn-tables.” It turned out
that they bad been supplied to a railway com-
pany, but at first we thought that, these “turn-
tables” bad been ordered by our friends, the
Spirit-rappers, and were some of the rotary in-
struments by which they help to turn the heads
of the credulous fools who place their faith and
bank-notes in them. By the bye, will any
Spiritualist, whose sight is deeper than most of
his far-seeing fraternity, have the kindness to
inform us whether King Arthur and his knights,
as they sat round their circular table, were in
the habit of turning it? It might be a handy
practice for sending the bottle round. We should,
also, like to be informed by the same obliging
gentleman, whose sight, we are sure, is not
deeper than his sagacity, whether we should he
justified in calling, and whether he would take
any offence if we did call, this old trick of
turning the tables a round game. The game
of Spirit-rappinsr, the rapacious sums that are
rapped out of fools, we should think went by
the name of cribbage.

A Fatal Sentence.

“ Liberty is fatal to the Bourbons.” So said
the father of the present, or rather the ex-KiNG
of Naples. But supposing the son is caught,
ought he not, as tried by the sentence above, to
be locked up for life. If “Liberty is fatal” to
a Bourbon, the most generous, the most chari-
table thing would be to deprive him of it. The
Castle of St. Elmo, we suggest, wouldn’t be a
bad residence for him. He couldn’t object to try
what he had so often recommended to others.

LONG LIVE THE LORDS!

“Extraordinary Longevity of the Peers” was the heading of
■a newspaper paragraph which lately appeared, containing a statement
of the advanced ages to which several members of the House of
Lords have attained. The longevity of their Lordships, however, is
not extraordinary. They ate almost all of them born with the peculiar
advantage of having in their mouths, at birth, a wonderful instrument,
■ensuring the best possible nutrition. This is that bountiful provision,
which, in the vulgar tongue, is denominated the Silver Spoon. By
■means thereof the very best of food and drink that may be desired can
be introduced into the system, and when that is out of order, also the
j best of physic. Change of air and scene, recreation of all kinds, and
all manner of enjoyment are at the command of .their Lordships gene-
rally, and they are exempt from cares which kill other people, either
-by directly wearing them out, or by inducing them to drink gin, and
smoke interior tobacco. Good wine and first-rate cigars, in which
they are seldom driven by depression and misery to indulge too
freely, tend much to prolong their noble lives.

The old Law-Lords, who were not provided with a congenital silver
spoon, have contrived, however, to butter their bread well early in life on
| one side, and afterwards to get it thickly buttered for them on the other.
None of the Peers are obliged to live in the constant practice of self-
denial, and also in the fear of ruin, and a destitute old age. They are
j exempt from dread of bailiffs, and have .no bills to meet, except those
which tradesmen send in at Christmas, which they can afford to pay, or
! which come up from the Lower House, which they are free to reject.
In legislation, moreover, they carefully observe the truly constitutional
rule which prescribes early hours. No marvel they live so long as
they do. The only wonder is that most of them do not outlive Old
Parr, and that many of the Peers do not reach the years of the
Patriarchs.

A TRIFLE EROM THE HAYMARKET:

In the which are a pretty little theatre, with a pretty little name, (the
Bijou) and a neat little company, and everything to help out a pleasant
evening, except one thing. And as Mr. Punch has no idea either of
being deprived of the French Flay or of being suffocated while at it, he
begs to apprise Mr. E. T. Smith, or M. Talexy, or the responsible
party, that he, Mr. Punch, took a little gherkin in his pocket, the last
time he went to see Madame Doc he, and that the fearful heat so
operated upon the vegetable, iu a forcing point of view, that it grew
into a cucumber big enough to supply supper to his party of five, ou
their reaching Eaton Square, besides leaving two large knobs to shy at
the cabmen as they drove away with his guests three hours later. Mr.
Punch trusts that this appalling anecdote (for the truth of which he
vouches) will induce the management to supply the one thing wanting
at the little Bijou, namely, ventilation. As Iachimo says:—

“ I beg but leave to air this Jewel.”

“Another victim to Crinoline.”

So many are these victims, that we think every newspaper establish-
ment must keep the above heading standing to meet the demand.
Another poor girl has been burnt at Warwick. The Hindoo widow used
to sacrifice herself ou the funereal pile out of love for her husband.
Tlie fanaticism of the English maiden is not less sad, lor doesn’t she
sacrifice herself to the flames out of love towards an absurd fashion?
The authorities have nearly suppressed the first wicked absurdity; why
doesn’t the Government interfere with the second one, and try to put it
down ? If it were only ou account of these frequent accidents, we think
we should be warranted in denouncing Crinoline as A Burning Shame-