Punch: Punch (39.1860)

December 22, I860.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

247

GRUB FOR THE MIND.

A DITTY BY A DOCTOR.

hat do you think ?
At a meeting of the
Linnsean Society the
other evening, Mr.
Lovell described “a
parasite grub found
inside of humble bees,
but not in the intes-
tinal canal, which he
had minutely exa-
mined.” It is strange
that humble bees
should be infested
with parasites. Such
creatures are more
commonly associated
with proud drones.
'I he grub that is
found inside the bees
but not in the intes-
tinal canal, is evi-
dently a case of grub
that has gone the
wrong way. No doubt
the learned natu-
ralists of the Lin-
naean Society greatly

I enjoyed the grub which Mr. Lovell placed before them. That grub must have
afforded them a high treat and a rich intellectual repast, and they ought to be
I much obliged for it to Mr. Lovell, who had evidently taken some trouble to
j cater for them.

Written in the Prospect of a nice Unhealthy Winter.

Hurrah! ’tis drear December,

It snows and blows like fun,

Abroad is influenza
As sure as auy gun;—

The fogs are growing yellow,

There’s jaundice in the air,

And ague, cramp, and asthma,

To earth will soon repair.

Chorus.—-All among the bottles

Who would not be gay ?

While physic for some throttles
Is wanted more each day!

The spring is not a bad time
When hooping-cough it brings,

The summer is a glad time
With fever on its wings ;

If autumn be but sickly
Our profits are not small,

But in winter far more thickly
Complaints around us fall.

Chorus.—So, all among the bottles, &o.

“The Soldier Tired.”

We fancy that every soldier, who was either at Delhi
or Lucknow, must be pretty well “tired” by this time of
waiting for the prize money that is due to him.

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COSTERMONGERS AND CHERUBS.

The Costermongers of the City of London met a few days since to
get up a petition to the Aldermen for the discontinuance of the Police
persecution to which they have lately been subjected. These are times
of progress, and obstructives ought to be forced to move on; but when
you tell the Costermonger to get on with his barrow, you invite him to
bring his business to a stand-still. Popular preachers and performers
■ cause obstructions in the streets, consisting of lines of carriages, whicli
are more in the public way than vegetable carts and apple-stalls. It
does not lie in the mouths of the Corporation, blocking up the
thoroughfares annually with their Lord Mayor’s Show, to bid the
j Policeman say “Move on ” to the Costermonger. Live and let live;
live on buck’s haunch and green fat, and let live on ’taturs.

A street nuisance, for which the Costermonger’s barrow would be an
acceptable exchange anywhere, is the perambulator. That and Crino-
line are the Scylla and Charybdis of the streets. You avoid the hoops
of the fashionable, or unfashionable female to get your foot crushed
under the wheels of a machine with a heavy baby in it, propelled
by a blundering nursemaid. And what remedy have you under these
painful circumstances ? None, except you are a savage old fogy and
can read with delight the letter lately written by an eminent physician
| in the Morning Post, wherein he disinterestedly protests against the
-practice of taking children down from a hot nursery and wheeling them
about the streets in the most inclement weather, the result being their
seizure with “dyspnoea, hooping-cough, mumps, bronchitis, aphthae, or
whatever name you may please to affix, which, in the great majority of
cases, soon terminate in death.” All these effects of the employment of
perambulators, except just the fatal termination of the diseases thence
resulting, must be advantageous to doctors; and therefore it is very
j liberal of a physician to publish them. The Policemen who order Cos-
termongers to move on with their stock in trade would be much better
■employed, and would confer a real blessing on unthinking mothers, as
well as on the pedestrian public, in obliging nursemaids with their
pestilent perambulators to move off. If parents make idols of their
children, they ought not to expect that other people will worship them
by submitting to have their toes smashed beneath the cars in which
stupid servant-girls drag about these little Juggernauts.

Anglo-Mania.

The latest Nouveaute de Paris is a strong reaction in favour of the
English. In proof of this, a rich London November Eog went over
there a week or two ago, and the whole town, with the exception of a
single house, illuminated in its honour during the whole time of its stay!
As a further testimony of respect, we may also mention, that business
was almost entirely suspended so long as the fog remained in the lively
capital.

DRAW THE CORK, SCOTLAND !

Now that, thanks to Punch, the Spiritualists have found their occu-
pation gone in London, we almost wonder that they do not try their
luck across the Border, ana see what business (and believers) they
could do in Edinburgh, or any other place where the Thistle is the
i crest. It may be that the Scotch are too far North and canny to be
taken in and done as many Southerns have been lately by spiritual
conjuring and clairvoyant second-sight. We, indeed, can scarcely
picture a party of cool, cautious, calculating Scotchmen, sitting
gravely round a table and expecting it to move. Such a process would
at best be deemed a waste of time, with the risk, nay, utter certainty,
of being made a fool of, from both of which results the mind of a
shrewd Scotchman instinctively would shrink. Yet, that Spirit influ-
ence is largely felt in Scotland, this extract from a Parliamentary
return will surely show ;—

“ While England, with its 20.000,000 of people, consumed 17,000,000 gallons of
spirits last year, Scotland, with its 3,000,000 of population, took 5,600,000; and
Ireland, with perhaps only its 6,000,000 of inhabitants, very nearly that precise
number of gallons ; so that in England we do not take quite a gallon of spirits
a year apiece, but Scotland drinks the deficiency for us, so as to bring the consum p-
tiou of the United Kingdom up to about that rate.”

Clearly, no one who reads this will doubt that there are lots of
people now in Scotland who are once a-week, at least, under the influ-
ence of spirits. Instances of second-sight, or of persons who see
double, are by no means rare in London on occasions, such for instance,
as a Southwark Election; but they must certainly occur much more
frequently iu Scotland, where the spirits yearly called from the vasty
deep of whiskey-cellars, are at a doable rate per throttle to what they
are with us. We may add, to show our learning, that Dr. Dee and
other ancients raised spirits by the aid of what they called a Magic
Crystal, whereas, in our more modern time, no magic is required, and
a common piece of glass suffices amply for the purpose. Merely with
the aid of an ordinary wine-glass, any Scotchman can raise spirits as
high up as his lips, which everybody knows is a sufficient elevation for
anyone whose aim is simply to get elevated.

Adieu to the Empress.

(.For the “ Moniteur.”)

The Empress of the French quitted London for Paris on
Wednesday last, by the South Eastern Railway, saluted with an
ovation.

Her Imperial Majesty was attended on the platform by an enthu-
siastic multitude, and a large number of illustrious personages, at the
head of whom was Mr. Punch.

Eugenie took her departure amid cries of Ouree ! Vive la France t
Vive la Crinoline !