Punch (58.1870)

Mat 14, 1870.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

191

the Government had not had time to consider, and he was not prepared
tc express any opinion on the subject.

The Previous Question having been moved, in order to get rid of the
actual question, the former was rejected by 124 to 91, majority for the j
Women 33. i

The cheering was a caution. But—we would not damp anybody's
happiness ; on the contrary, we would dry it as much as possible—but |
notice was given by Mr. Bouverie, next day, for rescinding the vote.

Thursday. Mr. Ayrton said that he was going to give pedestrians
new advantages, by throwing into Kensington Gardens the portion of
Hyde Park lying west of the new road from Paddington to Brompton.
Having no acquaintance with either of the last-mentioned plebeian
localities, Mr. Punch has not a distinct idea of what is contemplated,
but he will consult the map—or rather, he will permit anybody else
to do so who likes. Being no pedestrian, but a spangled aristocrat
who reclines in his gilded chariot, the topic is without interest for
him.

Government do not mean to appropriate the seats vacated by the
disfranchisement of Beverley and Bridgewater. We hear that Lowes-
toft has put in a claim, and by way of endearing itself to the Executive
offers, if allowed members, to call itself Boblowestoft.

During the Convent debates, Mr. Whalley thought he heard
somebody cry, " Kick him ! " " Strangle him ! " The probability is,
that some Member, who had dined, did use the words; and if so,
ought to be ashamed of himself. But Mr. Whalley wrote to the
Times about it, and was awfully castigated by the Speaker for not
bringing the matter before the House at the time, instead of writing
a letter. Nobody seems to have heard the language, however, except
the Member for Peterborough.

More Land Bill debate, redeemed only by Lobd Elcho's telling
Mr. Robertson, Berwickshire, that he had reduced himself to a state

of Moral Molluskousness. Mr. Robertson was angry, and Mr. B.
Osborne was much, amused, and moreover, was very amusing, over this
polysyllabicalisticality.

I Friday. Mr. Cowper Temple wants to know why Mb. Edward
1 Barry, son of Sir Charles, has been dismissed from the office of
I Architect to the Houses. So does Mr. Punch, and the explanation
S had better be more satisfactory than he expects.

The Red River Row is to be settled amicably. We hope that this
announcement will enable millions of Englishmen to sleep quietly in
their beds. To assist in producing this beneficial result, we would
mention that the Red River does not run out of the Red Sea, but is
somewhere in North America.

A good deal of debate as to whether the National Gallery and the
British Museum can safely be opened at night, for the benefit of those
who cannot go there in the day-time. The authorities reluctantly come
to the conclusion that this cannot be done. A fire might easily occur,
and the disaster would be irreparable.

Mr. Whalley stated that he had ascertained that neither Catholic
nor Irish Members had desired to kick and strangle him. This is a
contribution to European history.

More Irish Land debate, rendered pleasanter by a disturbance with
Sir H. Croft, who had been ordered by the Chairman to be a Teller,
and who went and voted instead. So Sir H. Croft had to explain
that he did not know that a man could be told to be atelier against his
will. In the course of the debate Sir Roundell Palmer enunciated
so beautiful and rational a social rule, that Mr. Punch must close by
quoting it. " I have acted on the most intelligible of principles upon
which a man can act. I have endeavoured to get as much as I could,
and I have taken that which I was able to get." We always respected
Sir Roundell Palmer's genius—his rule is precisely that on which
Mr. Punch ever has acted.

AT THE ACADEMY—PERPLEXED.

O the young man of the
A-ifA\ period whose education has
been carefully neglected,
outside the classic precincts

of female relatives or friends
curious for a little more in-
formation as to the subjects
of the pictures than the

Eurthermore, he will be expected to have at his fingers' ends the
exact geographical position of the Doggerbank, Sherwood Forest,
McGillicuddy Reeks, the Piraeus, Pompeii, Leith Hill, Salami's, Swanage,
the Scheldt, the Lido, the Lizard, Calabria, Cheyne Walk, Knole Park,
Brixham, and the Oise ; and may be counted as finding himself com-
pletely out of his latitude, and proposing an adjournment to the
refreshment-room long before the banks of the Oise are reached,
of ancient Greece and Rome, Lastly, he will be tormented with questions on such subjects as
a visit to the Royal Academy Eata Morgana, Maundy Thursday, the Decameron, the Vestal, Heme
Exhibition, in the company j the Hunter, Mimosa pudica, the Sentimental Journey, and the

Broach Exhibition; and will be asked What is a rebec? What is a
mangold? What is an acolytef How is Pharmaceutical pronounced ?
Where do you put the accent on Tadema? Who was Sir Charles
G-randison? When did the Lord Chancellor become a Fishmonger?
Catalogue usually supplies, j Who are the Contadinif—und What is the derivation of chalybeate ?—
must too often prove a J until he will wish himself away at billiards, or athletic sports, or
gloomy trial and a painful j pigeon-shooting, or any other pursuit which requires no historical
operation, for which good j research, and can be followed without reference to chronology or
looks and dainty garments, 1 poetry.

and an accurate moustache But let him take heart. There are plenty of pictures before which
and a considerable reputa- he may stand in comfort, with fair companions, free from all alarm as
tion for proficiency in the to dates, undisturbed by the apprehension of biographical queries,
waltz cannot wholly com- j There are the portraits of the people about whom the Catalogue says
pensate. ! everything that need be known ; there are the landscapes and seascapes

Let us enumerate a few with judicious general titles; there are the little domestic pictures
of the thipgs which the telling their own story; there is fruit, there are flowers, there are
superior being (as man is horses and dogs, babies and pets, cats and kittens, monkeys and birds,
playfully imagined to be) bankers and orphans, Grand Chapkins, Town Clerks, and Masters
will be expected to know, on any day and at any hour betweeu eight of Hounds, St. Paul's and the Monument, and—never-failing delight
in the morning and seven in the evening, from now to the end of —there are Lords and Ladies, and the Royal Children.
July, without help from dictionaries, encyclopaedias, gazetteers, com-
pendiums, or manuals, in his humiliating progress through the galleries
in Piccadilly.

He will be expected to be familiar with the history of Cleopatra,
Mr. Kelk, St. Ferpecua, Sir Charles Lyell, Torquemada, Rev

PLENTY TO FIGHT FOR.

Through the French Atlantic Cable, the other day, came the fol-
Dr. Candlish, Diana of Poictiers, General Lafayette, Robert : lowing message from Washington :—
the Brtjcjs, Mr. Burne jones, marshal Ney, Sir Roger de „ u ig ted that the Mormons are secretly arming for the purpose of

Coverley, Andromeda, vhe-Chancellor James, La Lontessa ! rcsisting tne enforcement of the national laws against polygamy."
Guiccioli, Michael Angelo, Themistucles, Mrs. Roxjsby, the .... , . .

Pharmaceutical Society, Endymwn, St Francis, the Pytcbley Hunt, Chiefs and Rulers m prospect of invasion, have ever found that the
Louis the Thirteenth, Jodge Jeffreys. Joehebed. Richard Bax- I strongest incentive to vigorous and determined resistance they could

ter, Chrutabel, Baron Pigott, the Earls of Desmond and Okmond,
Sophia Western, Sir Charles Wheatstone, Ulysses, Mr Laird,
Sir Walter Raleigh, Sir Galahad, Robespierre, Undine, the
Empress Josephine, Beau Fielding, Launoelot Gobbo, the King of
Rome, Nvdia, the Duchess D'Angouleme, Giorgione, Gabrielle
D'Fstrees, Daphne, and the Seven Bishops—about all of whom, with
the excepiiou of Mrs. Rousby, whom he lias had the good luck to see
and hear, the Pytcbley Hunt, Sir Roger de Coverley (in connection
with the dance of which he wa* the inventor), and perhaps one or two
of his old Lempriere friends, the young man of the perioo will be utterly
vague, unsatisfactory, and dumbfounded.

address to their people was an exhortation to fight for their wives and
children. How strenuously, theu, may the Mormons be expected to
resist the United States Government when that appeal, always so
effectually made to other communities at large, is made to every one
man of their community. BrighaM Young, of course, will call upon
each individual male Mormon to fight for his wives. Being, as the
Mahometans are, polygannsts, the Mormons will fight like Turks.

Wanted There.—Young Ladies should nener have Misgivings
except at Church after a Charity Sermon.