Punch (68.1875)

272

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 26, 1875.

But suppose Turkey and its Porte both as black as they are

Bainted, what can F. 0., or Parliament either, do? As Lord
ieeby would say, what business is it of anybody’s but the Turks,
if they choose to run in debt, and go to the dogs by a variety of
roads, quite startling to the advanced Christian civilisation of their
English creditors. The ‘ ‘ Great Elchee ” might have done something,
but there is no Great Elchee now. “ More’s the pity ! ” say Me.
B. Cochrane and Sie H. D. Wolff. “ Thank Heaven ! ” say Me.
Eustace Smith and the knuckle-downers.

NOT SO GOOD AS A PLAY.

introduced as interludes to relieve the possible monotony of the
above performances.

Assistant Acting Manager.—Me. Disraeli (for a limited number of
Sessions).

Deputy Leader of the Liberal Band.—The Maequis oe Hartington.
Call Boy.—Me. Whalley. Gas Man.—De. Kenealy.

THE EXCELSIOR CLIMBING BOY.

(Poema partim Canino-Latinum, post Longtjm—seu potius, meritd
dicatur,—Excelsiorem Socium.)

JU

unlimited expansion) to everybody who is at
speedy despatch of public business :—

S every year a large
number of subjects
are introduced into
the House of Com-
mons, apparently
for the sole purpose
of wasting the time
at the disposition of
the Government, it
would not be out of
place if some such
programme as the
following could be
issued, before the
opening of the Ses-
sion, for the infor-
mation and instruc-
tion of electors who
send certain gentle-
men as representa-
tives to Westmin-
ster. The Right
Hon. Me. Punch
has much pleasure
in presenting the
copyright of the
notion (a notion
which it will at once
be seen is capable of
all interested in the

ST. STEPHEN’S HALL OF VARIETIES.

(Licensed under Magna Charta, Sfc.)

Responsible Manager—The Right Hon. Me. Beand.

Every Session until further notice the Performances will com-
mence with the Laughable Farce, in any number of “ Scenes,”
entitled

PERSONAL EXPLANATIONS;

Or How to make Much Ado about Nothing.

(For Characters see the Parliamentary Summaries.)

To be followed by a New and Original Burlesque (founded upon
the celebrated Comedy-Drama, “ The Wrongs of Ireland”) entitled

HOME-RULERS EAR FROM HOME;

Or, “ 0, dear ! what can the Matter be ! ”

Pat Riot (a lover of his country, living, however, in London).
Me. Butt, Q..C.

C harles-his-Friend (once an Englishman—now seeing the error of
J}ls ways). The Right Hon. Lord Robert Montagu.

Ihe Rnight of Malta (friend to “ Charles-his-Friend’’—also once
an Englishman). Sir George Bowyee.

Ihe Stranger (very strange indeed). Me. Biggae.

To be followed by a Piece of Absurdity entitled

THE PERMISSIVE BILL;

Or, Britons ever, ever should be Slaves !

and Court. Me. Bass and Talented Assistants.

Ihe Ghost of Joe Miller [with many fine old jokes—first time these
two hundred years). Sir Wilfrid Lawson.

. (By kind permission of — Punch, Esq.)

A Conservative ( who writes poems’ ’). Me. Alderman Cotton.

For other Characters see the speech of Me. Caetee.

Act^eiHitled t0 C<mclude wiUl the celebrated Tragedy, in one short

THE MASSACRE OF THE INNOCENTS;
ori Triumph of Procrastination.

Tne GovernnSSCMfe°Wer'~By a distin^uished Member of the
During the course of every Session several “ Count-Outs ” will be

Some few, whose days are closing fast,

Remember, in their time long past,

How youth, in toil of little price,

Might yet have borne, for their device,

Excelsior!

These youngsters, in that distant time,

Swept chimneys, which they had to climb,

They could have cried as they clomb higher,

Like one who skywards did aspire,

Excelsior!

Our “ Climbing Boys ” as they were called,
Howe’er they “Sweep ! ” and “ Soot 0 ! ” bawled,
As they ascended up the flue
Were not instructed to halloo

Excelsior!

By reek and close air overcome,

The Climbing Boy was oft struck dumb,

And stifled soon unless got out—

Of course he then no more could shout

Excelsior!

His knees were worn by rough ascent
Bare to the very ligament;

Flayed were his fingers and his toes,

Because he grazed them as he rose

Excelsior!

When, jammed in, on his upward way
He stuck fast, oft, some used to say,

His master, in the grate below,

Would light a fire, to make him go

Excelsior!

These horrors having been at last
Dragged into day, an Act was passed
Declaring it, henceforth, a crime
To make a child a chimney climb

Excelsior !

Still certain Bumbles, it appears,

Against the law, these many years,

Have had their Town Hall’s chimneys swept
By means of little boys who crept

Excelsior!

May a new law, more strictly framed,

All parties hit at whom ’tis aimed,

Concerned in making children sweep
Foul flues, whilst painfully they creep

Excelsior 1

Long brush, worked deftly by machine,

All chimneys must, ye Bumbles, clean.

Law must on cruel masters fall,

Who take to driving urchins small

Excelsior!

RELIGION AND REVENGE.

A special Times’ Correspondent at Paray-le-Monial describes a
pilgrimage to that place performed with immense pomp by devotees
from all parts of France, and comprising three Archbishops, two
Bishops, and a multitude of clergy, regular and secular. They went
from Paris by the Lyons and Mediterranean Railway, and the
reporter of this pilgrims’ progress records that: —

“It was not till we were well on our journey that a hymn was begun,
which, even as I write, is ringing in my ears :—“ Dieu clement, Bieu ven-
geur, sauvez la France au nom du Sacre Cceur.”

Mark the rhymes. Their consonance has probably not escaped
Bismarck. It unites ideas between which pious minds might have
discerned incongruity. But French Ultramontanism appears to be
Christianity—with a vengeance.