Punch: Punch (76.1879)

72 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Februaky 15, 1879.

RELIEVING GUARD.

Password—" British Interests."

OUR SWEET GIRL-GRADUATES.

" Education of "Women.—There is a talk at
Cambridge of building a fresh hall of residence for
lady students. Girton College is being a second
time enlarged, and is always full. Newnham Hall
is quite full, and so is Norwich House, which has
been taken temporarily, although very unsuitable
for a permanent establishment. Twenty other
students have to be accommodated in lodgings,
besides many who reside with friends or relatives
in Cambridge. The number of applications from
those intending to enter next October is already
large. Consequently it is proposed to build a new
hall close to Newnham Hall of about the same
size. Very probably lecture-rooms suited for the
general work of the "Women's Educational Associa-
tion may be included in the plan. A sum of about
£3000 is already available for the project, but
at least £10,000 will be required."—Athenceum.

Here's Girton College is growing,
And Kewnham Hall is full—

Girl-graduates bravely showing,
That in Arts their weight they pull.

And M.A.'s, their eyes are piping,
As girl-graduates' claims prepare

To the shoes they were proud of wiping,
But soon will be game to wear.

The Diurnal Distress.

Failures, Strikes, Explosions, Accidents
—Railway, Naval, Military, and other—
Reports of Bloated Armaments, Torpedoes,
Shells, and in general, Inventions and
Apparatus for the Wholesale Destruction
of Human Life. '' Bring me no more re-
ports ! " as Macbeth says. Bother the
newspapers ! ISTo news is good news.

Valentine's Day, 1879.—The day Mr.
Val. Prinsep was elected A.R.A.

OUE FASHIONABLE CRIMINAL INTELLIGENCE

COLUMN.

{With Mr. Punch's Acknowledgments to his Daily Contemporaries.)

Mr. William Sires is paying a round of visits to the Governors
of several of Her Majesty's Gaols in the Southern and Western
Counties. He has just left Portland for Dartmoor, and may soon be
expected at Millbank. Mr. Sires has recently directed his atten-
tion to mat-making, and expresses himself much interested in the
manufacture.

Mr. Charles Bates has been gallantly going on with his great
oakum wager. On Thursday last he worked up no less than five
pounds of the material. This is understood to be a feat rarely
outdone.

Mrs. Sarah Snooks, the well-known Baby-Farmer, has been
slightly indisposed. She has been removed to the infirmary, and
ordered an improved diet. A relative of this interesting and un-
fortunate Lady visited her last week, and had a short but earnest
conversation with her. Mrs. Snooks is engaged on her own Memories,
which will contain some very curious reminiscences and revelations,
both of fashionable, professional, and criminal life, especially from
the debateable ground where these three social streams fall in with
one another.

Mr. Jeremiah Sneak has been attending a course of Lectures on
"Christian Experiences," by the Rev. Jabez Chadband. It is
said that the term of Mr. Sneak's detention is about to be shortened
at Mr. Chadband's recommendation. Mr. Sneak has received a
presentation copy of Mr. Chadband's well-known brochure, "Pies
and Piety ; or The Pastrycook of Putney."

Mr. Fagin has, we regret to say, lost a week's marks for pur-
chasing from a fellow-prisoner a plug of tobacco, supposed to have
been surreptitiously introduced to the B. Gallery by connivance
with one of the Assistant Warders. The Authorities are on the
qui vive.

Master Dodger made a very successful debut on the Treadmill on
Thursday last. Master Dodger's style is firm and graceful; and
with a few weeks' practice he may be expected to take a high rank
among the most skilful practitioners in the art of always going up
stairs, and never getting to the top.

Mr. Howler's second entertainment entitled " A Quarter of an

hour with the Cat o' JSTine Tails," is fixed to come off on Friday
next. Mr. Howler will be assisted by two Warders, and the Prison
Doctor will be in attendance.

The condemned cell will be tenantless on Monday morning next,
the present occupant having arranged with the Sheriff to give up
possession of the apartment on that day at five minutes to eight
o'clock.

We are requested by the late Mr. Scroggins's Solicitors to state that
his last breakfast included pork chops, coffee, buttered toast, and
a couple of fresh eggs, and was supplied from the "Pig and
Whistle" Restaurant. Their distinguished client expressed himself
much pleased with the style and quality of the dejeuner.

In Due Succession.

" At a full meeting of the Council of the Zoological Society, on the 5th inst.,
Professor William Henry Flower, F.R.S., Conservator of the Museum of
the Royal College of Surgeons, was unanimously elected President of the
Society, in succession to the late Arthur Hay, Marquis of Tweeddale. The
new President is one of the most learned zoologists and anatomists of the pre-
sent day."—Times.

O'er the Animal Kingdom the Vegetable hath power,

Now Birds and Beasts and Fishes are presided o'er by Flower.

" Better fresh blossom than dried grass," the Fellows well may say,

When they thus set up Flower in successorship to Hat.

Food for Fellow Creatures.

The wise and valuable communications of Mr. Ward to the
Times, extolling an exclusively vegetable diet, derive confirmation
from a popular saying relative to a certain quadruped which subsists
entirely upon vegetable food, and exhibits, somewhat in analogy
with Mr. Ward's esteem of pulse, a partiality for thistles ; although
at times evincing rather a desire to " a bottle of bay," and an
impression that "good hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow." This
quadruped—by the way a strict Teetotaller as well as Vegetarian-
is so generically distinguished by longevity, as to have occasioned,
from time immemorial, the common observation, that nobody has
ever beheld its defunct remains.

S3T To CoBBEspoifDEifis.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions, In no case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

stamped and directed envelope. Copies should be kept.