Punch: Punch (76.1879)

76

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February 22, 1879.

country in political cohesion P Easier asking than answering ques-
tions of this nasty sort.

All Sir Stafford, or his master, can say, is, that they have made
up their minds to get out of the Afghan galere as soon, and as
cheaply, as possible : and that those who wish to commit the Govern-
ment to the occupation of Cabul, or even Herat, will find they have
a harder task on hand than they expected. They have quite occu-
pation enough on their hands already.

Sir W. Harcourt delivered an amusing lecture on Cyprus,
illustrated by dissolving views en noir, as a pendant to the First
Lord of the Admiralty's picture of that interesting island en rose,
lately exhibited to another Westminster audience.

Mr. Mitchell-Henry spoke in the voice of indignant and ill-
used Ireland—the voice that we have hitherto heard out of a Btjtt
if not through a bung-hole, and with very "much the same hollow
ring about it.

The Marquis of Hartington, after languidly turning over the
topics of the time—the Afghan War, the Treaty of Berlin, the
Anglo-Turkish Convention, and the Zulu Disaster—succumbed
submissively to the flatness of the evening.

The First Lord of the Admiralty imparted a momentary flicker
to the smouldering embers of the night's talk, by insisting on the
beauties of Cyprus, the prospects of profit out of its occupation, and
the capacities of the harbour of Famagosta—if it ever came to be
made.

This " fit of light, this tongue of flame" was eagerly fanned by Sir
George Elliot on one side, and Mr. Samuelson on the other. But
nothing could keep the night's talk alive ; not even a general chorus
of Irish discontents, ending in a motion for adjournment, in which
Major Nolan and Sir P. O'Brien, Messrs. O'Donnell, Parnell,
and O'Connor Power, Meldon, Gray, and O'Sbaughnessy, "bore
a brave burdoun," crowned by a solemn imprecation upon the Go-
vernment—in the Major's grandest manner, with folded arms and
uplifted voice—of his " utter hatred and contempt."

If this Irish "blend" failed to put spirit into the House, what won-
der if the temperate but plaintive wail of Sir G. Balfour over the cruel
mockery of the long-suffering people of Scotland, as implied in the
scurvy treatment of their grievances in the Government programme,
did not awaken any more sympathy than barely sufficed to keep a
House for Sir Stafford's general reply, and Mr. Lowther's pro-
test against Government being bound by anything in the newspapers.
It was all very easy to talk about the Irish University Question,
but the Government could not be expected to take up Irish hot
pokers, only to have the pleasure of burning their fingers, and no
thanks for it from either side.

And so, drearily and wearily, the House dispersed, somewhere
between twelve and one, with a feeling modified from Titus's—
" Perdidimus nortem"

Friday (Lords).—Lord Granville wants to know—as no doubt do
a good many other people—how Afghanistan is to be made " strong,
self-governing, and independent," by the drastic doctoring of Lord
Beaconsfield and his Indian assistants. Lord B. disclaims the
" strong," but stands up for the " self-governing and independent."
Well—certainly the country may fairly be called " self-governing,"
in the sense of having nobody but itself to govern it; and '' inde-
pendent," as it has, apparently, nothing left to depend upon.

Lord Salisbury promised papers to show that the policy of the
Government had led to the withdrawal of the Russian Emissaries
from Cabul. Whether they had, or had not, cleared out before we
declared war, will be settled by the papers.

Lord Bury brought forward the Report of the Committee on the
Organisation of the Volunteer Force. Small Corps are to be amalga-
mated. The maximum of the force is to be fixed at 250,000.
Encouragement is to be given to engagements to serve for four
years. More drills are to be required ; and red coats are recom-
mended. No increase of the capitation grant is proposed, but
additional allowances will be given under certain conditions.

Sununa—The War Office wants to get a little more official red
tape round Volunteer legs and arms, and more professional buckram
on Volunteer backs; and Lord Truro, for one, doesn't like it.
Probably a good many Vulunteer Commanding Officers will agree
with him. Punch waits to hear the voice of the Volunteer on the
subject.

Lord Truro and Lord Cadogan had a smart round or two over
the still disputed question, whether Lord Chelmsford got all he
asked for in the way of troops for Zululand. C. a. v.

It is satisfactory to k^ow we are going to send a Doctor to look
after the Plague, if the Russians will let us. The Duke of Richmond
does not expect England to be favoured by a visit from this grim
guest. Unluckily, it is not likely to ask the Duke's leave to come
to us, as we have to ask the Czar's leave for our Doctor to go to it.

{Commons.)—Irish divarsion. Better now than later. If we are
to have a series of Donnybrook nights this Session, the sooner the
shillelaghing begins—and ends—the better.

To-night twigs were comparatively tame, tempers comparatively
tranquil, and treading on coat-tails comparatively harmless. Such

tame " foightin " as there was, was over Mr. Meldon's Motion for
the establishing of a £4 rating suffrage in Irish Boroughs.

The Marquis of Hartington, Mr. Forster, and the advanced
Liberals generally, backed the Motion ; the Irish Liberals supported
the Irish Conservatives, and the Government opposed it. Its rejec-
tion was a foregone conclusion; but 187 to 256 was at least a
respectable minority, and speaks of success, probably in the not
very far-off future. How a lowered franchise would work in
Ireland, remains to be seen. How has it worked in England ? Does
anybody quite know yet ?

AN INVITATION OF THE (NOT VERY
REMOTE) FUTURE.

Letter from the Hon. Mrs. Swellington to Lady Diana Gadderer.

Marwood Hall, Novemher 5, 1879.
My dearest Di,

Do get your old man
to bring you to Marwood
for a big shoot next week.
It will be great fun. The
men will shoot Tuesday,
Wednesday, and Thursday,
and on Friday we will all
drive over to the Assizes,
and hear the trial of that
quite too awfully interest-
ing creature; Sikes, for the
murder of his wife and their
three little children. Mr.
Rant, O.C., who is the
Counsel for the Crown, says
that he cannot possibly get
off, and Tom has got the
Sheriff to promise us the best
seats in the f ront row of the
reserved seats on the Bench,
so that we shall have a capi-
tal view of the Prisoner's
face when he is sentenced.
On dit that Mr. Justice
Downright (who, I hear, is
quite a darling) is going to
try the case, and that he is
a hanging Judge. We will make a regular day of it, and take lun-
cheon with us, so that we shall not miss anything. With a thousand
kisses to your charming chicks, and as many loves to yourself, believe
me, my dearest Di, Yours devotedly)

Charity Swellington.

P.S.—Don't forget to put your Opera-glasses into your travelling-
bag.

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Sir Stafford's Last—and not Best.

Sir Stafford got a smart facer from the Chelsea Pet—and deserved
it—for connecting the present wide-spread distress with the late
severe weather, and being silly enough to express the hope that the
barometer of prosperity might go up with the rise of the weather-
glass. He will yet have to learn that distress like the present is
distress, whether or no.