Punch: Punch (76.1879)

March 1, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 85

COSMOPOLITANS AND COOK.

T

he Geographers of
France have done a
generous thing. On the
night of Friday the 14th in-
stant, the French Geogra-
phical Society assembled and
met together to commemo-
rate the anniversary of the
death of Captain Cook.
Few, perhaps, ,of Cook's
own countrymen are aware
that St. Valentine's Day is
also Cook's Day, or St. Cook's
Day for the matter of that,
since, from all that is known
of him, Cook seems to have
been probably as good_ as
Yalentine. There was a time
when the average English-
man, if informed that
Frenchmen had been honour-
ing the memory of a Cook,
would have concluded the
Cook to have been one of
their own countrymen, and
a chef de cuisine. We rejoice to record the magnanimity with
which they have rendered that homage to a Chief who was a British
Sea Captain —but one who, in serving his country has also served
mankind. Could not some of us, by way of return, unite in a similar
glorification of some great Frenchman—and who should it be ?

"IN LIQUIDATION."

a screaming- farce.

(As Performed, to the tune of Eighteen Millions a Year, in London

and the Provinces.)

Scene.—A Solicitor's Office—Meeting of Creditors discovered.

Enter to them Hawkslet, Trustee, and Smooth, Solicitor to
Buttery's Liquidation.
Brown {a plethoric large Creditor). We all know what we're here
for. _ I move that Mr. Jones, as Principal Creditor, do take the
Chair.

Bobinson (another still more full-bodied large Creditor). I beg
to second that motion. \_Motion put, and carried uncmimously.

Jones (after bowing himself into the Chair). Gentlemen, we are
met here to receive the Trustee's statement of the liquidation in that
business of Buttery's. I hope, for all our sakes, that we're in for
a substantial dividend. (Applause.) And the sooner we get it
the better. (Lmmense applause.) So I will waste no more words,
but call at once on the Trustee for his report.

[Hawksley responds to the summons by settling his double-
eyeglass and arranging his papers.

Hawksley. You are doubtless aware, Gentlemen—practical men of
business as you all are—that this has been a most troublesome estate
to wind up—the property of the debtor peculiarly difficult to realise—
in fact, I may truly call it one of the toughest jobs, though of
trifling character as regards assets and liabilities, I have ever taken
in hand in all my long and varied experience. The assets, as some
of you may remember, were stated at £1500. The liabilities, oddly
enough, stood at precisely the same figure—a very rare and gratifying
feature in the case. We have been forced to three sales by auction
—very troublesome things always. One was of furniture, valued by
Mr. Butteky himself at £400. This realised £185. (Movement among
Creditors.) The plant and machinery of the concern were sold in one
lot for £160. (Renewed sensation.) Mr. B.'s valuation of this, con-
firmed by our own valuer, was £800—not an extravagant amount,
if, as I am informed, it originally cost £3,000—and 1 shouldn't at
all wonder. You know, as men of business, what these forced sales
are—ruinous, Gentlemen—simply ruinous. (Lifts up his eyelids and
shrugs his shoulders.) Then there was the sale, by auction, of two
small freehold-houses. We put them at £200. There was a first
mortgage charge on them of £650. They realised £25, after satisfy-
ing mortgagee's claims—there was half a year's interest due—£16 5s.
—and so left £8 13s. for the benefit of the estate. (Groiving depres-
sion among Creditors) The book-debts, which were valued—some-
what sanguinely, perhaps— at £100, we have sold for £10. (Creditors
who looked blank before look blanker still.) We don't consider
ten per cent, at all bad for book-debts. This, I think, is aU the assets.
Coming to sum-totals, Gentlemen, (Movement; Jones mopping his
forehead, Brown in a high state of perspiration, Robinson breathing
hard), we have, all realised, £363 15s. available for dividend (a

smothered groan from Jones) and expenses—or perhaps I should
rather say expenses and dividend.

Broivn (jumping up after having with difficulty kept his seat thus
far). Con-found it, Sir ! We were offered ten shillings in the pound
guaranteed, at the first meeting; but Mr. Smooth here (turning
to glare furiously on that Gentleman), he advised liquidation as
the best thing for the creditors—and talked about twenty shillings
in the pound—he did—and be-to him! (Prolonged sensation.)

Smooth (severely). Take care, Mr. Brown! (beaming blandly on
the rest of the Creditors), I can assure you, Gentlemen, that Mr.
Hawksley has been, literally, indefatigable in this case—most care-
ful to do the best for the estate and the creditors. I can answer for
it, that he has never taken a step without consulting me.

Jones (malignantly). And you charging us jolly well for it, I'll
be bound.

Smooth (warningly). Take care, Mr. Jones !

Bobinson (who is short-necked and plethoric, and daren't trust
himself to express his feelings). What's the dividend ?

Jones (ivho knows his Friend''s symptoms). Don't excite yourself,
Robinson. It's bad for you, you know it is. (To other Creditors who
are gradually approaching to boiling-point.) Gentlemen, be patient.
It ain't any good gettingin a passion. {A lull.)

Hawksley (serenely). Having stated realised assets, we now come
to costs of liquidation (looking at Paper through his double eye-glass).
First, we have Solicitor's costs—most moderate, I think you will
admit—£104 6s. ; then Auctioneer's valuations and commissions,—
that's always a heavy item,—£36 6s.; and Trustee's costs,—we have
kept them down as close as we could, as the estate was a small one,
—£222 9s., leaving available for dividend the sum of Eighteen
Shillings and Fourpence precisely! (Silence and stupefaction.)

Jones (with a ghastly attempt at humour). How much may that be
in the pound ?

Hawksley. I have not worked it out yet, but if you'll give me
a few minutes—perhaps—■ {Flourishing his gold pencil-case.

Bobinson (with ironical calm). Don't trouble yourself. We've had
quite enough of your figures. It cost me eighteen-pence to prove my
debt. I should have been better off if I'd made Buttery a present
o' the money, and had done with it; and now he's cleaned out, and
the Creditors have got nothing, and all the estate has found its way
into your pockets between you. A nice state o' things, I call it!

Mr. Smooth. Be careful with your inuendoes, Sir ! I may have
to teach you that professional men have a character to uphold.

JLnoksley (soothingly). I am sure, Mr. Robinson did not mean
—(Robinson shows in his face that he did mean all that Mr. H. means
he did not mean, and a good deal more)—I can assure you^ Gentle-
men, that the realisation has been a careful one—most careful—has,
in fact, had more time given to it than the amount of the estate,
perhaps, would have justified, strictly speaking.

Bobitison (with a ghastly chuckle). Ha, ha, ha! All I hope is,
that Mr. Hawksley,' when he's realising for himself, will look as
sharp as when he's realising for us.

Jones (bursting his bounds)._ I think it's quite time this humbugging
trustee-business was done with; blowed if it ain't-

Hawksley (indignantly). "Humbugging," Mr. Jones? I did not
come here to be insulted. You will find I am master of the situation.

Jones. " Situation " be hanged ! I should jolly well like to move
the Court, and see if you are master.

Hawksley. Better not waste your money, Mr. Jones, if you'll
allow me to advise you. I am not amenable to any Court—(with
solemnitij), except that of my character and my conscience. To the
former 1 appeal—to the latter I look for support, under these cruel
and undeserved aspersions. Ask your legal adviser.

Jones. Is that so, Mr. Smooth ?

Smooth. Undoubtedly. Good gracious! Didn't you put your-
selves into his hands ? Didn't you give him full power ? The Lord
Chancellor himself couldn't do anything.

Llawksley (with calm superiority). And if he could, you seem to
forget, Gentlemen, that I am, in the eye of the law, an officer of the
Court (proudly).

Jones (getting lower and lower in his language, under the influence
of excitement). It seems to me you are the Court. As far as I can
make out, you owe nobody no accoxmt,—no money—no nothing.
Blessed if it ain't a regular swindle, all round !

Hawksley (with wounded dignity). Did you hear, Mr. Smooth?
(Sternly.) You will repent this language, Mr. Jones.

Jones (desperate and defiant). Do your worst! I can always face
the like of you —in Court, or out—though the less I see of you, any-
where, the better. Come along, Gents. It don't smell sweet here,
somehow—it really don't.

Robinson (resignedly). Well, we 're all done brown. I suppose that s
all about it. Case o' " grin and bear it" all round. Come along!
[Exeunt Creditors crestfallen, headed by Bbown, Jones, and
Robinson, ivho exchange looks of defiance with Hawksley
and Smooth, as they pass out. Smooth and Hawksley
gather up their papers, ivhisper, smile, shake hands, and
move to the door, in fraternal alliance.

VOL. LXXVI.

I