Punch: Punch (76.1879)

136

PUNCH, OB, THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI.

[March 29, 1879.

Mr. Cartwright may be congratulated on having wrung from the
Government their slow leave for a Select Committee to inquire into
the Wine Duties. An alcoholic test on the twenty-six degree scale,
argued the able Member for Oxfordshire, was untenable—did not
keep out brandied wines, and stood in the way of natural ones. Spain
had good ground of complaint. We had handicapped her sherry,
and high differential duties on British goods were a natural retort.

Mr. Bourke gave, at great length, all the reasons against any
change in the mode of levying the Wine Duties or any expectations
of benefit from such change, and concluded, with odd official logic,
by granting the Select Committee.

Mr. M'Iver tried to extract a little Protectionist capital out of the
concession.

Mr. W. E. Forster would not allow any such inference, and
hoped the inquiry would be into the Wine Duties, and those only.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer repudiated any intention of
initiating any change in our established commercial policy. If we
were about to take a leaf out of the book of Spanish policy, it would
be only for the purpose of tearing it up.

Mr. Delahunty gallantly charged the House on his currency-
hobby, and just cleared a Count-Out to find that he was to be
allowed a "walk over." The House accepted his Motion, "That a
free circulation of specie currency, with a free and adequate circula-
tion of paper currency convertible into specie on demand, is necessary
for the promotion and development of manufacture, commerce, and
trade;" all which, though the House most potently believes, yet holds
it not necessary to have it so set down, seeing that nobody doubts or
disputes Mr. Delahunty's pompous platitude.

Still-born—Mr. Sclater-Booth moved his County Boards Bill,
which, framed with the laudable desire of pleasing everybody, of
course pleases nobody. Punch need not discuss it, as it has not
the remotest chance of ever becoming law. A real County Repre-
sentation Bill would be too big a birth for a dying Parliament.

Wednesday.—Another Ministerial concession: Scotch Hypothec—
the aggravated_ form of English Distraint—doomed at last. The
Government, with an eye to Scotch Elections in general, and Mid-
lothian in particular, not only allows, but supports the Second
Reading of Mr. Vans Agnew's Bill.

Lord Elcho attempted to rally the English landlords to the rescue,
on the plea that if Hypothec goes, Distraint will follow. He tries
to make out, by some mysterious process of reasoning, that Hypothec
is for the good of Scotch small tenants. As, however, all Scotch
tenants, small and big, are against it, no wonder Lord Elcho talked
to empty air as well as empty benches.

Thursday (Lords).— Vivisection of Medical Acts by Medical
Corporations. They have forced in a provision that even after
a student has passed examination application for a diploma must
precede registration—though if the application be refused, regis-
tration must be _ granted. A most ridicidous concession to the
Medical Corporations, but introduced, as the Duke of Richmond
explained to the Marquis of Ripon, at their demand, and Punch
is forced to infer mainly from jealousy of feminine practitioners.

(Commons.)—Sir Stafford Northcote pleaded to Honourable
Members in misericordiam to postpone their Motions for this night
only, or really the Government and the Treasury would have to
stop the supplies or antedate the Appropriation Act.

Of _ course Honourable Members were compliant, there being,
happily, no Irish notice on the list.

In answer to Mr. Bright's questions, Sir Stafford had to own
that Canada was about to pass from the dominion of Free Trade and
common-sense to that of Protection; and that poor old Mother-
Country can do nothing—however much she might have to say—to
stop her headstrong child. You '11 have to take down the old sword
again, John. Punch gives you his blessing in this week's Cartoon.

The Attorney-General moved his little Bill to meet the great
evil of Corrupt Practices at Elections. He goes on the happy
principle of meddling with nothing that can be staved off, of existing
evils choosing the least, and to them applying the least drastic
remedies.

Among one of the most objectionable electioneering manoeuvres
is the conveyance of electors to the poll, as to which the law is
uncertain. This the Bill leaves untouched.

Sir C. Dilke, Mr. Gorst, Sir H. James, and a host of less conspi-
cuous Members, urged settlement of the law on this ambiguous
question, and Sir Charles even moved a Resolution, which was
defeated by 138 to 89._ Second Reading was ultimately carried by
118 to 6, in utter indifference of all who take any active interest
in the matter, and therefore little or none in the Attorney-Gene-
ral's poor little Bill.

Friday (Lords).— One of those pleasant pictures, en noir, which
the Duke of Somerset has such a gift for painting. This time the
subject was Eamagosta—the old port of Cyprus.

Lord Salisbury tried to throw in a few light touches by way of
relief, but without much effect. Plague and Pestilence, seem the
present representatives of the island, vice Venus vanished.

(Commons.)—A talk of the barristers over Sir Henry James's
scheme for strengthening our judicial system, by utilising the Judges
on the one-horse principle, and by improving Provincial arrangements.
Sir Henry suggests Local Bars and Permanent Civil Courts at four
of our principal centres. As a rule, the Lawyers don't like this.

The Attorney-General jaunty and degage as usual—

Eeform 's a jest, and all things show it;
I always thought so, now I know it.

A PLEASANT PROSPECT.

cene — The Lnterior of a
School Room under the
London School Poard.
Enthusiastic Teacher dis-
covered loith newly as-
sembled Pupils.

Teacher. Now that this
handsome and commodious
school-house, with its very
complete and costly school
apparatus, is at last com-
pleted, I am glad to meet
my classes. We will lose
no time in getting to work.
Our first lesson will be in
English History. We will
waive the Prehistoric early
British and Saxon periods
for the present, and com-
mence our studies with the
Norman Conquest. Who
can tell me anything about
William the Conqueror ?

First Pupil. Please,
Teacher, here's a cove at
the door as says he wants
to see you.

Teacher. "Person," not " cove," and " who," not "as." (Pupil
stands corrected.) Let him come in. (Enter Upholsterer's Foreman
with Assistants.) Well—what do you want, my man ?

First Man. There's something wrong about the money for these
here benches and black-boards and things. The Guvn'or says I'm
to take 'em back—so look alive, mates.

[ With the aid of his men removes all the seats, and the complete
and costly apparatus, and exit.

Teacher (cheerfully). Annoying, but we must make the best of it!
Happily we can sit upon the desks, and for a black-board I must
make shift with the back of a door. And now to resume our
historical studies. What can any boy tell me about William the
Conqueror ?

Second Pupil. Please, Teacher, it's so jolly cold, we can't tell you
nothink about nobody. We 're a-starving. Please mayn't we have
a fire ?

Teacher. Fire? Certainly. Why haven't they lighted it, I
wonder? In the heat of my enthusiasm I had not noticed the
omission. What ho! within there ! (Enter Charwoman.) Woman,
why is not the fire lighted ?

Chariooman. Please, Sir, there ain't no coals and nowood. Some-
body's been round and stopped 'em. The party said as how the
Board was ever so much short with the coal merchant, and as how he
wasn't a-going to stand another sack till he got his money.

Teacher. Cool on his part, and on ours. Boys that have overcoats
put 'em on. The rest can run about outside, in detachments of ten,
for a quarter of an hour in succession.

Pupils. Hooray! [Exit first detachment, joyously■.

Teacher (cheerfully). Meanwhile, our work and our great-coats to-
gether must keep us warm. So, once more, what can any boy tell
me about William the Conqueror ?

Third Pupil. Please, Teacher, here's another lot of coves wants
to speak with you.

Enter Second Upholster■er''s Man ivith Assistants.

Second Man. Very sorry to trouble you, Mister, but Master says
that we didn't ought to have left these here desks without the
money.

Teacher. That's not my business. Your Master should have sent
in his account to the School-Board.

Second Man. He have done that a lot of times. But, bless you !
it ain't no manner o' use. He says that there School-Board ain't no
better than the "Long Firm," a-gettin' goods on false pretences;
and he ain't agoin' to put up with it no longer. So I was to be sure
and stand no 'umbug, and if the money wasn't forked out at once, I
was to take the goods back again. [Removes the desks, and exit.

Teacher (with resignation). Is it even so ? The classes can stand.