Punch: Punch (76.1879)

4pril 19, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

179

FROM THE EMERALD ISLE.

Visitor. "Mrs. Bobitol at home?"

Neiv Irish Footman. "Mrs. Bobitol is not at home, Sor. But
I don't rightly know if she won't see you ! "

CAIEO-MANCY.

{A Prophecy d V' Egyptienne.)

The Khedive, in a commendable fit of patriotism, having
announced his intention of making1 several personal sacrifices with a
view to restoring- the financial integrity of his country, Mr. Punch
suggests the following historic forecast:—

1879. Egypt declared solvent by Act of Parliament. Departure
of Mr. Rivers "Wilson and Mons. de Blignieres, by deck-passage
and_ third-class night excursion train and P. 0., for London and
Paris. The era of economy commences.

1880. The Coptic Patriarch first seen walking about in calico on
a week-day.

1881. Pensions after fifty years' service pronounced a luxury,
and abolished. " Faust" played at the Grand Opera at Cairo with-
out a corps de ballet, and with a chorus of four.

1882. General reduction of official salaries. The Ministers of
Agriculture, the Interior, Foreign Affairs, Education, and Public
Works, receive a five-pound note each, in full of all demands, on
New Year's Day. Rise of one in Unified Stock.

1883. Progress of economical reforms. The Ministry of Finance
abolished by Firman. Personal collection of taxes by the Khedive.

1884. Solvency of the State inaugurated by a public banquet of
Revalenta Arabica and Imperial Pop. Three generals of division
receive an_instalment on account of arrears of pay for the year before
last amid indescribable enthusiasm.

1885. Popular prosperity commences. The Khedive suddenly
collects six years' taxes in advance, purchases five ironclads, builds
three new palaces, and produces Le Prophete at the Grand Opera,
with a full band, and chorus of three hundred and seventy.

1886. Prosperity at its zenith. Patent leather boots reappear at
official receptions. The new Consolidated National Twenty-five per
Cent. Loan offered on advantageous terms to a banking-house in
Copenhagen, and declined.

1887. No signs of decrease in national prosperity. The use of
fireworks on holidays made compulsory. Third era of new financial
reforms begins. The Khedive again collects personally another
three years taxes in advance, and mortgages the Nile and its Banks
to the House of Rothschild after a solemn religious function by
the Grand Ulema.

1888. Offensive and defensive National Alliance concluded
between Egypt and Monaco. Failure of the Khedive to prosecute
further financial reforms. Panic.

1889. General exodus of everybody for the interior of Africa ;
and first appearance of the late "Viceroy in Messrs. Maskelyne and
Cook's Entertainment at the Egyptian Hall favourably noticed in
the Sunday papers.

But Mr. Punch need not continue his prophetic research much
further ; the above, no doubt, being quite enough for the moment
to satisfy the most sanguine believers in the astute ruler whose
" plighted word " has just proved of such marketable value at Cairo,
and elsewhere.

PHRASES FOR ENGLISH TOURISTS TRAVELLING IN
ROUMELIA DURING THE MIXED OCCUPATION.

To be Translated into German and Russian.

I have only come to see the country, and have no intention of
proclaiming myself King of Bulgaria.

I do not wish to seize the Treasury, or to upset the Administration,
or to raise a revolt against the Sultan, I only want to find a respect-
able hotel.

The three Ladies (one of them elderly), two Boys, and the Man, are
merely my family. I most solemnly declare that they are not troops
in disguise.

I do not wish to take the Capital by surprise, but merely to dis-
cover a good table d'hote.

I have the greatest possible respect for the Treaty of Berlin, and
would not embroil the Signatory Powers in a dispute for worlds. I
may say the same for my wife, daughters, sons (both of them travel-
ling half-price as under twelve), and my servant, who is a native of
Hackney.

I love the Austrians with all my heart and soul, and feel that
while England and Austria are united, nothing is to be feared from
Russia.

I know that the Austrians were pleased to hear of our victories in
the Crimea, and that they hate the Prussians as much as we do.

It certainly was delightful that the Russians should have been
kept out of Constantinople by a British Fleet.

What England has done once, she will do again, when the time
comes.

What! Why are you taking me to be shot ?
"What have I done ? I had no intention of giving offence !
You a Russian! On my word of honour, I believed you to be an
Austrian!

Please, Sir, let me off this time ; and I won't do it again !

Extravagance or Economy ?

Some landlords have been complaining of the extravagance of the
farmers in keeping Governesses for their children. But is there any
domestic "slavey" as cheap as a Governess? If they had com-
plained of the farmers keeping Cooks !

Read this from the Daily Telegraph of the 4th inst. :—

GOVERNESS WANTED (daily), hours from nine to six, to teach
the rudiments of Latin, French, Music, and English, and to take charge
of two little boys, ages six and eight. Salary, £18. Apply, by letter, &c.

And this offer comes from the eminently genteel region of the
Regent's Park, too. Punch would be glad to know what servant
in that Regent's Park household is expected to do as much work for
as little pay as the Daily Governess.

after reading lord harris's letter to the daily telegraph.

Punch's advice to Australian Cricketers: — Do unto Lords as
Lord's did unto you. _

Mixed Pickle.—Joint Occupation of Eastern Roumelia.