Punch: Punch (76.1879)

Apbil 26, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI.

189

INJYABLE INJIA -

OR,

Notes and Sketches op a Specially-Commissioned Aptist.

BY

FUZZELI PRINCEPS.

Chaptep V.

Sir Jarge Orghustus Salar Jung—Applications—Portrait—Cha-
racter—Dialogue—Offer—Refusal — Odd-— Pony—Misunder-
standing—Imperial— Tippoo—No reason —■ England— Slidhodja
Rajah—Had—Painting—Autocrat—-No trifling— Thermometer
—Scaffold—Alteration—Change of Colour—Bayonets—Tiffin—■
Diary—Protest— Guns—Rummi—Solicitors — Treaty — Super-
stition—■ Caste—Down again— Off to Sumivar.

This morning induced Sip Japge Opghustus Salar Jung to give
me a sitting. It is quite the best thing I've done for years, and I
have had already five hundredgapplications from various societies to
exhibit it, and from the best engravers for permission to reproduce
it. Here it is!:—•

Sir Jarge Orghustus Salar Jung.

He is a wonderful fellow, and has a really marvellous command of
the English language. I doubt, though, whether he always under-
stands everything that is said to him, I mean when given in collo-
quial English. For example, I will reproduce a short conversation I
had with him yesterday.

'' Ah, Sip Japge ! How are you ? Jolly ? "

" I present you, my dear Mr. Fuzzeli Ppinceps, with the assu-
rances of my most distinguished consideration, and I am enabled,
from interior knowledge, to assert without fear or favour that I am
in the present enjoyment of the most perfect salubrity."

"Glad to hear it, Sip Salap Jung. Things looking well in the
City ? "

"Why,_ Sir, the shares which a benign Providence has allotted to
me in various estimable and trustworthy associations of honourable
merchants, as I am informed by those with whom no dread of con-
sequences would prevail as against the interests of truth, have risen
to a height of profit rarely exceeded in the history of mercantile
transactions."

'.' I am delighted to hear it, my dear Sir Salap Jung, as I can now
ask you to lend me a pony, which I assure you shall be returned
punctually next Saturday afternoon."

"I regret, my dear and accomplished Mr. Fuzzeli Ppinceps, that

in my stabulary equine collection I do not number the sort of animal
that would carry a person of your dimensions and ponderosity="

" When I say a 'pony,' Sir Salap, I mean twenty-five pounds."

"Now I see you are jesting. Why, Sir, no pony weighs so little
as twenty-five pounds ; and if you wish for such a rarity, it is my
deliberate opinion that you should first make every reasonable
endeavour to find a donkey. When you have secured the latter, I
have little doubt but that the former will soon be within your reach."

"But, Sir Salap, you can lend me twenty-five sovereigns till
to-morrow ? "

" Why, Sir,'| he replied, solemnly drawing himself up to his full
height, ' if it is a question of sovereigns, you should call to mind
that you and I alike own allegiance but to one Imperial Sovereign,
the Empress of India." Here he raised his hand to his turban, and
saluted. " And rather than listen to one single expression of any-
thing that might for one moment savour of disloyalty to Her
Imperial Highness, I must wish you a very good morning, and
there '« an end onH."

With which he stalked majestically from the room. I really do
not think he could have understood me.

I heard him, as he went out, speaking with Rummi at the door,
and I could almost swear I saw him place a tippoo {i.e. small gift of
money) in Rummi's hand.

Rummi has not mentioned the matter to me. I wish I could get
rid of him. But how ? There's the Injia rub.

By the way, in a book recently published I find the Author
blaming one of the Rajahs because " he imprisoned people without
any reason." Good gracious ! Isn't this in itself sufficient reason ?
Don't we in England lock up idiots and lunatics ?

Wednesday.—Called on Slidhodja Rajah. " You are the perfect
picture of a Rajah," I said to him, flatteringly. "Shall I paint
you ?''

" You shall," he said, " if you paint the palace first."
Willingly," I replied, foreseeing a little job on my own account,
or rather on his. It's a fine place, and would look well in a land-
scape. So I pulled out my box of paints, block, &c. " I'm ready,"
I said.

" So we," he rejoined. " Here materials."

And he pointed to twelve fierce-looking ebon slaves, each with a
bucket of gamboge-paint and whitewashing brushes.
" What's this for ?» I asked.

" To paint palace with," he answered, grinning from ear to ear.

" What! " I exclaimed, indignantly— I, an artist, a-"

" You painter. Then paint. You said you paint palace: here
palace—paint! Here paints : paint palace ! "

And he added, significantly, seeing me about to utter a further
remonstrance, " Scaffold up for painting palace. If painter no paint
palace, scaffold up for painter! Painter hang picture of Rajah.
Painter say me picture of Rajah. Picture of Rajah hang painter."

He was not a man to be trifled with. An autocrat is not to be
trifled with ; and, boiling with rage, and in a temperature of 180° in
the shade, I was forced, at the point of the scimetar, to comply.

Thursday [Extract from Diary).—Still working at the palace.
Heat intense. Rajah watching from a verandah, and drinking iced
beverages. Men with fixed bayonets and drawn scimetars, keeping
their eye on me. He won't let me stop for tiffin. I stop to make
this note in my diary. I am painting it yellow.

Friday.—Rajah Slidhodja changed his mind. He will have it
blue. I protest. No good—fixed bayonets and muskets out. He
won't let me stop work for tiffin.

" Take tiffin while touchin' up," he says, brutally. Slept on
scaffold. Guards all awake, relieving sentries every hour.

Saturday.—Temperature 190°. Rajah thinks it will look better if
red. Must paint it red. 1 protest. No use: fixed bayonets,
muskets loaded. I begin to paint it red. He is pleased. Tempera-
ture changes. Colder. Rajah says—

" So cold. Palace want two coats of paint."

At it again, under protest, and under the guns. Where is Rummi
all this time ? If he would only arrive with the English Resident
and a detachment of troops. But no, he never is here when he's
wanted.

Sunday.—Nearly finished palace. Just colouring the roof. From
the top I get a clear view of distant country. See Rummi in the
plain. Wave handkerchief to him, like Sister Anne. He comes !
He mounts the scaffold, and asks me if I will make it worth his
while to release me. Yes. I sign a promise to pay, and renounce
aU proceedings through Messrs. Pettie and Mien, my solicitors
(of which somehow he has got wind). He descends. He interviews
Rajah. Result, I am free.

The Rajah, I understand afterwards, is an inferior caste to Rummi,
and Rummi can make it uncomfortably hot for him, in futuro, if he
does anything to offend him here on earth. Thank goodness, the
Rajah is superstitious. But he has got his palace painted for
nothing, and that is all he cares about.

Leave to-day. Go to Sumwar.