Punch: Punch (76.1879)

May 10, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

209

OUR OWN ACADEMY GUIDE.

Prefatial remarks—Advice—Starting on the round—Galleries.

The One -Hundred
and Eleventh
Royal Academy
Annual and First Ex-
hibition under Sir
Frederick's Presi-
dency.

With that disregard
of rank and title which
should always cha-
racterise Art, the Aca-
demicians give priority
of visiting to the dis-
tinguished Private
View before they admit
the General Public.
There is also a "Press
day," and the Private
View is a " Crush day"
after two o'clock, when
the Academy, having
lunched, is full.

Of course, on Private
Yiew day everybody
goes to see every other
body. As to the Pic-
tures—hang 'em !

I will start the visi-
tors with just one ob-
servation, which each
person can adapt ac-
cording to his company.
Here it is :—

There are as many Ages of Art as there are of Man; but the chief
Age is the Aver-age, and since the very commencement of the
Academy, it may be fairly said that this is the first year when the
show of Pictures is, on the whole, far above (or below) the average.

I will only add that my purpose, as your Guide to the Academy,
is to save your valuable time, by directing your wandering attention
to Number So-and-So in the books; not by any particular rule, but
at haphazard.

General Advice.—First look at a Picture without reference to the
Catalogue. Settle in your own mind all about it, its subject, what
it ought to mean, its drawing, its painting. See if you recognise
the style. Then refer to the Number in the Catalogue, and prepare
for astonishment. Your immediate remarks will generally be—"Is
it, indeed ? Well, I should never have thought that was the subject!
And whose is it ? No ! Surely not!! Well! ! ! I had no idea it
was his!!!" I will not begin with "Number One "—that may
safely be left to see after itself; but I will point out

No. 22. A Well-stocked Larder. H. M. Page. How the Page
in the larder must have gloated over these provisions! Yisit this
picture about luncheon time.

Then go at once—for I'm sure you 're dying to know what
Professor Hart, R.A., has painted this year,—go at once to Gallery
No. ILL, No. 198.

It is difficult to find: almost a hidden gem. "Not half a bad
picture," said some kindly disposed critic. He was right. It is not
half a bad picture, it being only about a quarter of the size of the
one last year. "Small by degrees and beautifully less." He is
evidently taking his oivn line, instead of that devoted to the Acade-
micians ; and the Hanging Committee, acting on my advice, given
cordially and gratuitously last year, have done their best celare
Hartem. Perhaps it is Professor Solomon Hart's own suggestion.
If so, I admire not so much Solomon's Wart as the "Judgment
of Solomon."

Pass on to

No. 208—and guess what it is. My first impression was that
various coloured Boys,—such as the "Blue Boy," &c.,—having been
painted by various distinguished artists, and named after their
clothes, some rare original genius had hit upon the idea of depicting
a Yellow Boy without any clothes—a Bilious Boy. Then his attitude
is that of rapt attention to something in the distance. Now then,
Ladies and Gentlemen, who is the only historical Boy who ever
listened in rapt attention—this "wrapt attention" serving him for
clothes—to anything ?

You will, of course, answer, " Whittington," when the distant
bells rang, " Turn again," &c. Of course, Whittington was very
poor, and he might have pawned his clothes. But—no—it is not
Whittington, and for what it really is, I refer you to the Catalogue,
where you will find what Mr. J. R. Herbert, R.A., meant by it.
To me it will ever be, " The Bilious Boy."

No. 261. A Marionette at rest ivhen the organ isnH playing'. This

is the idea suggested by the central figure. It is called A Justice in
1500, and is by Mr. Chester Loomis.

This picture, by Loomis,
Not the best in the room is.

Gallery No. IY. And look at—

No. 294. "Ahem!" Charles Landseer, R.A. "Ahem!" is
not its title ; but after one glance at the figures you will find that to
be the expression. Pass on quickly to—

No. 307. Nausicaa and Her Maidens Playing at Ball. Ed. J.
Poynter, R.A. A disap-Poynter. The visitor will, probably, have
heard, that, in this picture, are to be seen all " The Beauties of the
Day." Perhaps so; he may find them, but it will take him all his
time to discover the Beauties of the Picture.

No. 379. Science and Measurement. H. S. Marks, R.A. Elect.
His diploma picture. Capital. Yery glad to find that Mr. H. S.
Marks is " one of the Elect." One of these days we shall see his
likeness in the painted window of a Cathedral.

Gallery No. Y.

No. 394. Gehazi, servant of Elisha. J. E. Hodgson, A. Evi-
dently the first of an intended series of Comic Scripture Characters.
From this point of view, a success. But hardly sufficient to encourage
its continuance.

No. 398. One of the many gems in this Gallery. Stay, Visitor,
and try to make out what it is intended to represent. Its title
might be His First Cockle. Dedicated to Captain Btjrnaby. Mr.
Herbert Sidney is the author of this medical composition. But,
really, one may expect anything from a gentleman who will
provokingly call himself Herbert Sidney, instead of Sidney
Herbert.

No. 442. Painted by Robert Bateman. A prize of a free ad-
mission on any day will be given to the person who hits on the
subject of this picture in the first twenty guesses. Queer materials
—a Bogie—a sheep's head, and a Gentleman on the ground suf-
fering from a violent fit of indigestion.

Only one more with which to conclude the first visit. Go to
Gallery No. VII. and see—

No. 613. By Ernest Crofts, R.A. Historical picture, showing
how Madame Tussatjd obtained Napoleon's carriage. _ Her emissary
has awaited his opportunity, has ridden up and said to the Em-
peror, "Sir, you must come out; we've bought it." "Oh, then,"
replies the Emperor, rather annoyed, "I'll come down at once."
And he did. The carriage is now at the Tussatjd's, Baker Street.
Bravo, Ernest Crofts ! In Real Ernest, Crofts ! So ends the
first visit.

MUSTY PHRASES.

" But when, he taunts me with his quotation of some musty phrases of
mine thirty or forty years ago, I must remind him that we had elements
then," &c., &c.—Lord Beaconsfield on Reciprocity.

When Venus yields to us her "place of arms,"
John Bull must own he pins small faith upon her;

Though from Berlin, instead, of war's alarms,

Somebody (who was't P) brought us " Peace with Honour."

And still we seek, by help of Tancred's views,—

Of which we are doomed to bear the cost and brunt here,—

From dark Afghans, and not less dark Zulus,
That blessed boon, "A Scientific Frontier."

What joy, when to the winds reporters scatter
Speeches and sayings of more show than quality,

That we may laugh to scorn the '' idle chatter
Of "—was it ?—" irresponsible frivolity " ?

So let us own, as fact's hard ground appears
Below the glare of rhetoric's firework-blazes,

We need not travel back for thirty years
To find what will one day be "musty phrases."

Nosology.

After the recent deaths of children lodged over stables, it is no
wonder that public attention should have been called to the fact
that '' a sneeze from a glandered horse in the shafts of a Hansom
cab may be certain death." Of course that depends a little on
circumstances; but the probability of it is strong enough to warn
us to take care how we trust ourselves in Hansom cabs. It is
wise, no doubt, never to look a gift-horse in the mouth ; but it would
be wiser always, ere you seat yourself behind a possibly infectious
animal, to look a Hansom cab-horse carefully in the nostrils.

The Fashion of the Season.—Letting Houses—alone!

The Kitchen-Range-finder.—The Policeman !