Punch: Punch (76.1879)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 215

HEDGING.

Rector. "And what are your Views?"

Candidate for Curacy. "Well, Sir, I'm an Evangelical High Churchman, of liberal opinions.

PATERNAL PUNISHMENT.

A Clause in the new Mutiny Act,
identical with one in the old, awards
capital punishment to any soldier who
" misbehaves or induces others to
misbehave in manner in this Act not
specifically mentioned." This, ac-
cording to Major Nolan, is popularly
known in the Army as the " Devil's
Clause." Empowering Courts-Mar-
tial to punish an obnoxious party for
an offence created for the nonce by
judge-made law, perhaps may appear
extremely diabolical to civilians ; yet,
certainly, an inclination to administer
justice in such sort is not entirely
peculiar to the military mind. Per-
haps it would be rather too often ex-
emplified in the sentences of ecclesi-
astical tribunals if the presidents
were Clergymen authorised to convict
accused persons of heresy or miscon-
duct for deeds and doctrines "not
specifically mentioned" in any legal
document, but decided in Court to
be wrong or false dogmatically, off-
hand. Of course it would not do to
say that a condemnation of that kind
was a judgment pronounced under
a " Devil's Clause," although, to be
sure, the victim of it might well be
pitied as a poor devil.

Royalty Set to Music.

The Athenceum of April 26th,
among the contents of Blackwood
for May, enumerates '1 The Life of
the Prince Concert.'''1 Who can the
"Prince Concert" be? The only
Prince we know answering the de-
scription would seem to be H.R.H.
the Duke of Edinburgh—the only
scion of Royalty, as far as we are
aware, who frequently figures in the
orchestra.

SALISBURY ON THE SITUATION.

{At the Biennial Banquet of the Middlesex Conservative Registration

Association.)

Sir Charles, and the rest,—in your presence my attitude

Is one of profound and unspeakable gratitude.

"We've been five years in office : foes wish our removal;

But while we retain your support and approval,

We stand in small fear of that fractional faction

Whose only desire is to hamper our action.

We found England's honour a-tremble, like jelly,

Now 'tis firm as Mount Atlas,—just ask Turnerelli.

We've shown " proper pride," as the servant-girls say,

When they 're sore at not having it all their own way.

We know our right place—at the top—and have taken it,

And snarling of Russians or Rads has not shaken it.

You wise men of the South like our course in the East

(That up North they 're such noodles is funny, at least).

You 're awake to the Nation's true honour and glory,

Intelligent, loyal—in short, truly Tory.

Foes say we 're aggressive. Such malice one scorns ;

But we 're bound to hit out if men tread on our corns—

Or interests—and we've so many of those,

That we cannot let strangers step too near our toes.

That Bulgarian business ! I will not revile

Those Britons whom Turkish atrocities rile.

They 're the noblest of fellows,—the silent ones, namely ;

But as for their spokesmen, the few who fought gamely

On platforms, in pamphlet, and speech, why, their action

Was simply the outcome of blackguardly faction.

They pooh-poohed our advice to our client the Turk,

And helped him our claims and his duties to shirk,

Till my delicate counsels he would not pay heed to,

And,—but stay, where the deuce will this argument lead to F

I will not pursue it, but simply remark

Bulgarian's bite may be worse than Turk's bark,

Though to say so may make hot philanthropy gush.

Then as for our Treaty. I care not a rush

What the Rads or what Reuter may say; we intend

Bv that compact to hold like grim death to the end.

We have given up lots, some may fancy too much,

But let them look out who our Treaty would touch !

If we stick to our text, 'tis our earnest and sure hope

The Turk will yet turn out a blessing to Europe.

Now then for home politics! What ivould you do

If the Libs should come in ? They 're the raggedest crew.

There are scarce two among them subscribe the same credo,

So they cannot pull sweetly together, as we do.

(Lord Derby ? Pooh pooh!—a good riddance, of course.

Eh ! The Derby-Day's near f Yes, but he's not the horse.)

Lord Hartington ? Squeezeable ! Leaders who yield

To their followers, fail in a well-stricken field.

No, Gladstone—yes, goose him!—will rally, and then

With his henchmen, those smart but most pestilent men,

Messrs. Fawcett and Chamberlain, he '11 make it hot;

And the country will go at express pace to pot.

We, we are the men, and your duty is plain,

Ne'er to let gushing Gladstone befool you again.

But keep in (for a little while longer) Lord B.,

And after him, hand the reversion to me /

From Egypt.

Decree.

We, Khedive of Egypt, by the advice of our Council of Ministers,
decree that—

Art. I. No taxes of any sort shall be levied henceforward from
the population of Egypt, whether native or European.

Art. II. The Creditors of the Government shall be paid in full.

Art. III. The Khedive is charged with the execution of the
present Decree. Ismail.
Cherif, President of the Council of Ministers.