Punch: Punch (76.1879)

Mat 17, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

221

whole, though, he firmly believes, with Colonel Makxns, that the
persons who would chiefly suffer by the change in the law would
be eloquent junior counsel, speculative attorneys, and newspaper
proprietors—and the Colonel ought to have added, knowing and
disagreeable females—Punch is inclined to back these against the
law-reforming energy of the House, even with Mr. Herschell '' up,"
and declines to halloo over the abolition of Actions for Breach,
till he sees them abolished. Threatened laws, like threatened men,
live long; and the Action for Breach has a tremendous array of

was Dr. Kenealy's as to the authority for an alleged message of
sympathy from Her Majesty to Lady Bartle Frere.

Sir M. H. Beach did not see why Her Majesty should not express
her sympathy with any of her subjects—nor does Mr. Punch.

Mr. Bylands, too, elicited the interesting intelligence that
Government did not see why they should be in any hurry to fill up
the six vacant seats this Session.

We don't ourselves contemplate immediate Dissolution, then ?
Lord Hartington and Mr. Fawcett mean to step between Mr.

bad reasons at its back, if it have some very good ones warring ''■ Dillwyn and any Liberal acceptance of his Motion implying that
against it. | the Queen has been acting with unconstitutional independence of

Wednesday.—Another day of wonder. A Bill read a Second Time, | her Ministers in Indian matters,
without a division, and with the formal consent of the Government, j The House did a stroke of work in Committee on the Discipline
legalising the formation of Volunteer Corps in Ireland. Perhaps a Dill

General Election may account for more than a Borrowing Budget.
But in any case it was a comfort to see Orange Lions lying down
with Home-Rule Lambs,—O'Clery, and King-Harman, and

O'Shaughnessy, and Major Nolan, and Mitchell Henry, in har- ChineeT Lord~CARNARvoN~says"he has7~Lord IlTmmoniT agrees

Two strokes of work in three days in the Commons—to say
nothing of the Lords' doings ! This is indeed a week of wonders !

Friday [Lords).—Has the Christian Briton been doing the Heathen

monious chorus for once with Plunket, and Macartney, Black
Protestant Bruen. and Attorney-General Gibson !

"What with to-night's Bill and Mr. Shaw-Leeevre's for giving
more power to the Bright-Clauses of the Land Act, last week, Punch
is constrained to ask himself, are we coming back to the days
" when Malachi wore his collar of gold," or is the Millennium on
its way to us, in Milesian garb ? Anyway, an Irish night that ends
in a Second Beading instead of a row is such a comfort, that Punch
can hardly get over the recurrence of two such miracles in a fort

with him (and he ought to know, having held all the keys of the
F. 0. ciphers for so many years) ; Lord Salisbury doesn't.

Punch does not pretend to unravel the skein of complicated
interests in dispute between two equally sharp customers. John
Bull and John Chinaman must be left to settle their difficulties
over the Chef oo Convention ; and may the best man win!

[Commons.)—A night to be noted of the British Landlord, and
not with a white stone. The Beginning of the End of Distress.
The abolition of that ancient feudal Landlord power—of making

night sufficiently to return thanks for them in properly devotional a clean sweep of everything on a defaulting tenant's holding to the
and grateful language. exclusion of all other claims—moved by Irish Blennerhasset and

Thursday [Lords).—Lord Shaftesbury Moved Second Beading ! backed by Scottish Barclay, was resisted by Norfolk Conservative
of the Habitual Drunkards Bill, authorising dipsomaniacs to con- j C. S. Bead, only on condition of changes which will transform the
sent to their own confinement in dipso-lunatic asylums, with due ; law from harsh and unfair to comparatively mild and just. Before
provision against foul play._ j long English Distress will have to follow Scottish Hypothec, and then

Anything that can be devised for the restraint and cure of these ; the biggest nail will have been driven in the coffin of Landlordism
most miserable of all maniacs,—now treated among us as responsible as it is. The sole defenders of the present law, case-hardened
and rational_ beings,—is worth trying, and there is experience in lawyers like Mr. Gregory and Mr. Bodwell, fought as men do in
America which seems to warrant some hope from such places of covering a retreat. There is no mistaking the extra-Parliamentary
restraint and treatment, duly inspected and secured against abuse,'— signs of the times, and last night's debate told the same story,
to which like private lunatic _ asylums they are obviously open, Mr. Pell's speech and Sir W. Barttelot's and Sir Thomas
unless closely watched. But will so purely permissive a Bill work ? I Acland's, and those of all the English Squires with heads on their
Doubtful. | shoulders, proclaim that Distress is doomed. Would Punch felt

[Commons.)—The most noteworthy among the rush of questions ; as sure of its disappearance from England as from Law!

ASTROLOGY v. METEOROLOGY.

SUNDAY IN LONDON.

Scene—London. Time—Sunday. Intelligent Foreigner and
Charles [his friend) discovered perambulating the streets.

' J in the Times pyaaper. I got a
speciment o' one on 'um afoor
? me now, in witch there be no
less nor 'leven proffysize far
^*-v differ'nt dixtrix in England,
Ireland, Scotland, andWaailes.
§f " Very offun fair's foortold fur
M' one, foul fur another, waarm
\\ \ here, cold there, in zum parts
M. snow, in others raain, starm,
_J\ or caam, frost and snow, or
thunder - an - lightnun, as the
J case med be, and wind in zo
many quarters oppersite waays.
Now, Mr. Punch, you must
know I reglarly takes in Zad-
!^JL— kieVs Almanac, and have a took

^^^^^^^sJ'^I^s-^— 'un *n' man ai1^ buoy, a matter

—^j^^^^\^j^g|^\-Zr o' varty year. Zadkiel, he gies

ask the same sart o' proffysize as
y~ £. them voorcasts, what'a calls
his "Weather Predictions," in
a teeable for aitch munth in the year, one arter another. Ees; but
there bain't no differ'nce in they for narth nor south, aist or west,
in the British Ilunds. _ They be all alike in the same month for
all over the United Kingdom, and simmrmly all over the world.
What's the sense, then, o' foorcastun peculier weather in pur-
tickler pleaces, hereabouts or thereabouts ? and what do the Clerk
o' the Times Weather Office mane by flyun like that there in
Z ad Kiel's veass ? Meteorology ? Taa! What's that to the Vices o'
the Stars ?

I be, honnerd Sur, yure umble Sarvant to command,

Jacob Homegreen.

P.S.—I belaves in Zadkiel, I do. Why, in coorse a Prophet as
can foortel the news must be yeable to purdict the weather. Stands
to razon.

nder your lave, Mr. Punch,
Honner'd Sur, I bags to pur-
test agin them there Voorcaasts ,

as appares vrom daay to daay i Intelligent Foreigner. My faith, but yours is a wonderful

country ! But why are the streets so deserted r Where are your
artisans ? They are not at work ?

Charles [his friend). Of course not. It is Sunday.
Lntelligent Foreigner. I see, they are at your noble British
Museum, admiring its natural history, its superb statues ?

Charles [his friend). Well, no. The Museum is closed on Sundays.
Lntelligent Foreigner. Then they are in your fine National Gallery,
enjoying your grand pictures P

Charles [his friend). Well, no. The National Gallery is closed on
Sundays.

Lntelligent Foreigner. Then they are at your spacious South Ken-
sington, studying the industrial arts, eh ?

Charles [his friend). Well, no. The South Kensington Museum is
closed on Sundays.
Lntelligent Foreigner. Then of course they are at home ?
Charles [his friend). Well, no, the truth is, our proletariat have
not much of a home for Sundays.

Lntelligent Foreigner. Ha! Hold! How stupid I am! You
are religious, you English. They are at church !

Charles [his friend). Well, no. They don't go much to church.
Besides, it is past one, and all the churches will be closed by this
time. They always are after service on Sundays.

Lntelligent Foreigner [puzzled). Then where are they? What is
open on Sundays ?

Charles [his friend). Oh, the public-houses. You will find plenty
of them open on Sundays, after the hours allowed by the Act!

[Changes the conversation.

A Right-Down Clever Horse.

(With Mr. Punch's Compliments to Mr. Loriliard.)

However much you lose on him,

You can't be in the hole ;
Their tin though all the talent drop,

'Tis only on Parole.