Punch: Punch (76.1879)

May 31, 1879.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 251

AN UNFORESEEN MATRIMONIAL CONTINGENCY.

Angelina. " Did you ever see anything so wonderful as the Likeness between old Mr. and Mrs. Bellamy, Edwin?
One would think they were Brother and Sister, instead of Husband and Wife!"

Edwin. "Married People always grow like each other in time, Darling. It's very Touching and Beautiful to

behold ! "

Angelina {not without anxiety). " Dear me ! And is it invariably the case, my Love ? "

Pommery sec, Ruinart, Perrier Jouet, and Moet and Chandon,
Issuing forth in their might to lay the proprieties prostrate,
Flooring the Snob and the Swell, with the Plough, and the Cad, and
the Coster,

Up on the Hill, by the Ropes, in the Furzes—both gentle and simple,
All, in the largeness of luncheon, o'er-eaten, o'er-drunken, together.

" CLEARING THE COURSE."

" Clear it ? " By Jove, 'tis a pretty stiff task,
And one that some time and much patience will ask.

Head-Constable Dizzy

Is knowing and busy,
And the men at his orders are fussy and fizzy,
And the big force behind them is sturdy and strong ;
But was e'er such a rough and recalcitrant throng,
So motley a mob, or so much in the way,
As cumbers the course upon this Derby Day ?
" Now, then, you in the fur cap, ' twere well you stood back ;
And you feathered and cow-tailed Zulu, big and brown,
Clear out like a shot, or the staff shall come down,
And teach you to tread on the Constable's toes,
And the serried array of Ben's Bobbies oppose.

Move on ! Clear the Course ! "-

But the strength of " The Force,"
Will be taxed to the utmost of footman and horse
By this crowd of obstructives—a regular block!
From workman in fustian, to yokel in smock,—■
Prompt to strike and to chivey, that pair, if close pressed!—
And the troublesome Turk, who inertia likes best,
What shall make him move on ? And Pat, ragged in rig,
As perverse as his country's proverbial pig ;
And the Muscovite dodger, as stolid as sly ;
And the bothering Bulgar, and Creek with an eye

To possible pickings ; and Ismail, all oil,

Yet purposing not to be spoiled, but to spoilj;

And rowdy Roumelian, and starving Hindoo !—

A precious tough job for that cohort in blue !

It would seem we'd the raffs of three Continents mustered

To-day on the Course, and so crowded and clustered,

That clearing the way for the race of the year

Is a task at which Hercules well might look queer.

But the race must be run;]

And a way must be won,
By hook or by crook, half by force, half in fun.
There's the big Derby horse that changed stables—will he
Bun at all ? In new colours ? Be backed ?—We shall see !
There are screws in the field, roarers touched in the wind,
And some, it may be, to whom faiths are now pinned,
Pretty safe to break down ere the winning post's gained.
Though backed at long prices and carefully trained.
Meanwhile there's the Course to be cleared ! They must do it,
Bobby Ben, and his men. Let us wish them well through it!

Natural Allies.

We understand that Lord Beaconseield has handed the Arch-
bishop of Canterbury a handsome cheque towards the collection to
defray the Rev. Mr. Horsley's costs. His Lordship remarked to
His Grace that he admired the man who had shut up one Argyll at
least, and only wished he could shut up the other.

with a difference.

Punch finds that in his Essence he has proposed a new name for
the British Army—Our Boys. He should have remembered one
difference—Our Boys ran; the British Army don't.