Punch: Punch (76.1879)

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PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 31, 1879.

''A WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING,

Old Woman [of the ancient Faith, dropping on her knees). " Oh, yer Eiv'rence,

Gl' ME a BLESSIN' ! "

Ritualistic Curate. " Augh—my good Woman, you mistake. I'm—ah—

not or your Church "-

Old Woman. " MusHA, thin bad Luck t' ye for a Decaiver 11 "

[Shuffles off in great wrath.

DAN KEARNEY.

(A Galifornian Adaptation.)

Oh, did you ne'er hear of Dan Kearney,
Frisco's roughs who has led with his blarney,
California's crown
Till they've set, upside down,
On the beautiful brow of Dan Kearney !

While Respectables thought he was dreaming,
And pooh-poohed all his Socialist screaming,

They find they were crazy

To take it so aisy,
Now they 're under the hoof of Dan Kearney !

He's all for the Poor, is Dan Kearney,
For the Rich—they may kick or may carney ;

They must fork out their tin,

And be thankful to win
Lave to live 'neath the rule of Dan Kearney !

Though they thought his red nose looked so simple,
There was mischief in every pimple ;

So now bottom's a-top,

And the Bich may shut shop,
In the illigant realm of Dan Kearney !

THE HORSE FOR A SWEEP.

Ie you plaze, Mr. Punch, affoord me lave to pint out
that amung the Hosses enter'd to run fur the Derby,
there 's one wi' the zummut strikun, and purticklarly
plezzunt neam o' 2;rf. Shart andswate. I daresay you
med know why they crissun'd un Zut, I dwooan't, nor
'it what colour he's of, but if black, s'pose a wus called
Zut praps along o' that. 'Cause why the sayun is "As
black as Zut." Therefoor, if so be as how Zut's a black
un, Zut stands to razon. In that case I should zay Zut
med be looked upon as an ixample o' that there " Dark
Hoss" you so often rades about in the "Prophets."
With which except the dooty of, Zur,

Your most obagiunt Sarvunt to command,

Mather Way.

P.S.—Zut! In the old days, when there wus witchcraft
in the land, 'oodn't a Zut 'a ben the sart o' Hoss for a
old 'ooman to come ridun upon down the chimley 'stead
of a broomstick ?

Pachydermatous People.—Parties in Pig-skin.

A RIDDLE FOR THE RACES.

What Horse is he that never stood in loose-box or in stall;
The Horse that ne'er was fed on hay, to oats or beans did fall;
The Horse that always answers to the whip, and ne'er says "Neigh ; "
The Horse that without saddle or bridle steers his way ?

The Horse whose points and paces no cad e'er yet found out;
The Horse that's unapproachable by tipster and by tout;
The Horse 'gainst or for whom the odds ne'er Turfite gave nor took ;
The Horse that ne'er lent sporting scribe a lift towards his book ?

The Horse that wants dumb-jockeying, but needs nor whip nor
spur ;

The Horse that's always in the way, yet ever swift to stir ;
The Horse that ne'er could win the Oaks, nor the Turf's blue riband
wear ;

The Horse that helps to make mare's nests, but never is a mare ?

The Horse that never makes a noise, that glanders cannot kill;
The Horse that never said his prayers, for whom Vet. ne'er drew bill;
The Horse that hath not on all-fours the wherewithal to go—
What Horse is he ? The Bicycle ? The Locomotive ? No.

Cudgel thy brains no more to guess the name of that dark prad;
But when thou 'rt asked that question next, replv, " His name is
Fad."

He's the Horse that men call Hobby-Horse, and most men have
their own:

Ride yours, and I '11 ride miue, and each the other leave alone.

Alexander oe Battenberg, Prince of Bulgaria (to judge by
his Photos).—A nice young man for a nasty Diplomatic Party.

A DUEL DANS DEUX FAUTEUILS.

There is a fierce fight raging in the French Academy over and
between M. Edouard Ollivier and M. Henri Martin. M. Martin
succeeds M. Thiers as one of the forty, and makes an opportunity
to attack the Empire in his ex-officio panegyric of his predecessor,
the great reviver and consolidator of the Imperial Legend.

M. Ollivier, in his ex-officio reply, makes occasion to attack M.
Thiers for not stepping forward to preserve the Empire after it
had thrown over M. Ollivier—the most ill-used of Imperial scape-
goats. Yiewed through English spectacles, and considering the
relations of the parties and persons at war, the conflict, if it must
include one of the Martin family, would seem rather to suggest
Madame Betty than Monsieur Henri as one of its combatants.

A Happy Return.

Punch's prayer to the Durham Miners was, " Strike, but hear
me! " They have heard him, at last, and have run down—i.e., ceased
striking. He begs to congratulate them on their return to reason—
the reason even of the strongest, who, strong as they may be, are yet
not strong enough to stand more than a very few weeks' knocking
of their heads against a wall.

Not Unlikely.—Large shoals of porpoises have been seen dis-
porting themselves in the Mersey last week. It was supposed they
had run in for Protection—at the invitation of the Honourable
Member for Birkenhead.

The Nose for the Turf.—The one with what looks like " a
straight tip," but is a crooked one.

To CosEEBPOifDEHTS.—The Editor does not hold himself bound to acknowledge, return, or pay for Contributions. In «» case can these be returned unless accompanied by a

tramped and directed envtlope. Copies should be kept.