Punch: Punch (76.1879)

A PHONETIC RENDERING.

Dunce No. 1 (translating a Fable of La Fontaine). "AVhat does We plie, et ne ROMP& PAs' mean? It's what the Roseau

says to the chene, you know ! "

Dunce No. 2. " Oh, I suppose it means, 'i play, but I don't romp '—what Mamma's always telling us we ought to do ! "

Army, as opened by Lord Galloway and closed by Viscount Card- \ At all events, let Punch congratulate tbe country tbat it has, at
well, with incidental despondency from Lord Steathnaien, Earls , last, got the " right man in the right place," and that what seems to
Ellenboeough and Longfobd, Lord Buey and the Duke of Buc- be the brightest .jewel in the British Crown—its Garnet—is to be set

cleuch, Punch hopes he may never have to try distilling into
Essence. The process can end only in lamentation, and mourn-

in the South-African fleuron of the sorely-smirched Imperial diadem,
Tuesday (Lords).—You see, Lord B., their Lordships are really

ing, and woe. Lord Galloway s complaint was like his own intereste^ More'curiosity about Sir Gaenet. Assurance from
description of Lord Cabdwell's Army-Reform which began by i Lord Cadogan that no Lieutenant-Governor, neither Colonel Lanyon
being comprehensive ; then,_ for a time, after it had ceased to-be in the Transvaal nor Sir Henet Bulweeiii Natal, has been, or will

comprehensive, was comprehensible ; but ended by being neither
comprehensive nor comprehensible."

Pwich's feeling, after first reading Lord Galloway's and my Lords'
conversation, is bewilderment; after long thinking both over, some-
thing as like hopelessness as he is capable of. He sees only one con-

be, recalled or superseded. Only everything and everybody will be
put under Sir Gaenet's orders. Sir Baetle Eeeee's High Com-
mission has not been cancelled, " except"—rather large exception—
"as regards those districts where Sir Gaenet's Commission gives
mmg as nice nopeiessness as ne is capaoie or. ne sees oniy one con- him ju£sdiction » Large as that runs, it may be safely said that

^'S^J^l^&SiSt S iZI, * <^** ^ ^ Aflica, and that Sir Gaenet will be-
and the man, to make it.

{Commons.)—Received, with cheers, the same good news as the
Lords. But Sir Staffoed did not need to " speak sarcastic," and
say " perhaps " it would interest Honourable Members to know that
Sir Gaenet Wolseley had been sent to keep Sir Baetle Feeee in
order, and help Lord Chelmseoed to a head. There was no mistake
about it—it did interest them; interested them so much that the
best part of the night was spent in asking such questions as " What
was Sir Gaenet to be, exactly ?" and " Where would Sir Baetle
and Lord Chelmseoed be, exactly, when he got out there P " and
"How would they be likely to like it?" and "What would Sir
Gaenet do with them ? " and " What did Government mean him to
do—and not to do ? " and " Would he be likely to do it—and not to
do it ? "

To this "process of the question" Sir Staefoed and Sir Michael
naturally resisted being put. Anything they told the House would
be telegraphed to South Africa,_ and get there before Sir Gaenet.
All they could say was, that he did not go out to annex and to exter-
minate anybody or anything — not even a High Commissioner's
dominion, or a Commander-in-Chief's commission, but to bring this
miserable war to a good end at least cost of time, blood, and money
compatible with the security of South Africa.

" The Garnet of all he surveys;

His right there '11 be none to dispute ;
For his ox-waggon where there are ways,
He '11 ' whip in' and 'whip out' man and brute."

(See Punch's Cartoon, with Sir Gaenet getting the South-African
ox-waggon out of its impasse.)

(Commons.)—Even greater press of question about Sir Garnet's
powers and instructions than in the Lords.

After Mr. Boueke had assured Mr. Otway that the Government
knew nothing about any disagreement or difference of policy between
the French Government and our own—a good hearing, if one was
quite sure what official words mean—there was a discussion of
South-African policy, the action of Sir Baetle Eeeee, and the
character of King Cetewayo, in which Mr. Sullivan administered
interrogatories to the Government as to the terms of peace to be
imposed on the Zulu king — were they to be short and sweet,
or long and bitter ?— and Lord Elcho sounded the trumpet for Sir
Baetle and annexation, and gave Cetewayo_ the rough side of his
tongue, calling him—by way of quotation, it is true—" an armed
gorilla," and provoking cries of " Withdraw ! "

Whereupon Mr. Gladstone, echoing all Lord Elcho's praises of
his friend Sir Baetle, with a chivalrous warmth that became him,