Punch: Punch (76.1879)

280 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVARI. [June 21, 1879.

Lord George Hamilton" damned the Board with faint praise, and
thought there was disquietude at the London scale of salaries. _ He
hoped the Motion would not be pressed, as Government could neither
vote for, nor against, it.

Bravo, Lord George ! nothing like plain speaking. But did you
think that Punch was behind you, with a dream-Cartoon, of a cer-
tain animal—not Bottom with an ass's head, but with Lord B.'s head
on an ass's body—between two bundles ?

The debate was adjourned, but is not likely to be resumed. If the
School Board spends, it schools ; and the best-spent money that is
taken out of the pockets of the heavily-taxed London ratepayer is
just, Punch verily believes, that School Board " fippenee."

Wednesday.—Mr. Chamberlain" does not see why the polling-
hours of our public Elections should not be from 8 to 8, and brings
in a Bill to extend them accordingly. If it was feared that darkness
would bring drunkenness, let them shut up the publics, after dark,
at Election times.

Mr. Assheton moved the rejection of the Bill. Taking Elections
into the dark hours, was a return to the Dark Ages. It would lead
to increase of bribery, personation, and all " deeds of darkness."

Mr. Wheelhouse supported the Bill on behalf of Leeds ; so did
Sir Charles Dilke, Mr. Rathbone, Dr. Cameron (of Glasgow), Mr.
Hibbert, Mr. Samuelson, and Colonel Bereseord—Members for
large boroughs.

Mr. W. E. Eorster said it was difficult for many electors, in large
and widely-scattered boroughs, to record their votes before four; and
he knew of no other remedy but this.

Sir M. W. Ridley laid weight on the objections of Mayors and
Town-Clerks (Sir J. Heron, of Manchester, for one).

Eltimately, the Bill was rejected by 190 to 165—a division which
marks the measure as one on its way to be carried.

Though Punch finds it difficult to believe that any man who cares
to vote is now prevented by the polling hours, he does not see why a
working-man should be mulcted of his brief dinner-time. "I've
only an hour for my dinner," says Toole, in Todgers, and it is not
pleasant to have to make that little less. It is all very well for
Swells to sneer at the sacrifice, but they have more leisure than they
know what to do with. Not so the working-man—except on his
Saint Mondays—regularly once a week, "with liberty to add to their
number."

Thursday.—Question-time overflowed till nearly six, thanks to a
row caused by Mr. O'Donnell's question to Sir M. H. Beach about
alleged atrocities committed by English soldiers in Zulu-land. The
War-Office has directed an inquiry into these allegations. Sir M.
H. Beach insisting that anybody would have been satisfied with
this but Mr. O'Donnell, Mr. O'Donnell, moving the adjournment
of the House, declared he was no more satisfied with Colonel Stan-
ley's inquiries than with Sir M. H. Beach's answers.

This brought up half-a-dozen Members eager to tread on the tail
of Mr. O'Donnell's coat. Sullivan was straightway in it, and
Parnell. Then Forster and Newdegati interfered to pour oil on
the waters ; and the row ended, after loss of an hour and a half, with
Mr. O'Donnell disclaiming all personal imputations, and explaining
that he only meant that the Beach of East Gloucestershire, like the
Oak of Dodona, had been made the mouthpiece of evasive answers.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer, sanguine man, hopes that
the South-African war will be brought to a close by the end of June,
and will have cost only half a Million a month by the time all the
bills come in. Walker !

Adjourned debate on the Indian Budget. Was there ever heard
such a thing! An Indian Budget discussed in Ascot week ! John
Bull's eyes must be opening at last. India's case is evidently serious.
J. K. Cross, gloomy, Mr. Hubbard, hopeful, Mr. Gladstone grave
and ominous. The time seemed at hand, when, unless we could
retrench Eour Millions a year, we should have to take on our
shoulders the responsibility of Indian expenditure as well as our
own, and carry an Indian Old Man of the Sea, as well as his British
brethren, on our own shoulders. It is well that Government has
decided on retrenchment. But it has not the pluck to cut deep
enough. All looks gloomy in the Indian Empire since we hailed our
Queen its Empress—augmented taxes ; Arms Act; Press Law; un-
certain and inelastic revenue ; new territory ; more expensive frontier
defences ; duties unadvisedly repealed ; licence-tax strained to dis-
affection point! And how are the Eour Millions a year to be cut off P
In civil expenditure something may be possible ; more in military^
The ultimate responsibility rests with Parliament. Here we have a
Treasury check : India has none.

Mr. Smollett congratulated Mr. Gladstone on his speech, and
then proceeded to lash all round, laying his thong heaviest on the
Duke of Argyll, and his "bete noire," the Public Works Depart-
ment, whose "productive" works produced nothing but mischief.
He gave a summary of the Company's Government from 1814 com-
pared with the Imperial Government from 1860. The first had made
an Indian Empire, the last had made an Indian Bankruptcy. There
was only one remedy, economy and reforms. But had the Govern-

ment the pluck to retrench ? The Departments were overloaded
with officials, and they were the curse and the scourge of India.
Five Millions a year could and should be saved, and contentment,
comfort, and loyalty would be brought back to the Indian people.

Mr. Bathbone followed suit, with less of the whip.

Mr. Goschen delivered an excellent exposition of the Silver diffi-
culty. It was temporary, and what was most to be feared was
empirical remedies.

Only leave them alone,
The rupees will come home,
And leave no loss behind them !

But no tampering with the currency. Better the vagaries of the
precious metals than the vagaries of Yieeroys and Legislatures.
Allow natural causes to work, and adjust your expenditure to the
new price of the rupee.

Mr. Baleour, as a member of the Silver Committee, said ditto to
Mr. Goschen.

Mr. E. Stanhope put the best official face upon everything—
advance of India, social, material, and moral; education; finance;
frontier wars ; remission of cotton duties ; Arms Act and Yernacular
Press censorship. He thought they could save Two Millions a year
all round, and that continued year after year would put things
straight and keep them straight.

Punch can only say as the Spartan said, in capital letters—" IF."

Sir G. Campbell doubted if the material condition of the people of
India had recently improved.

And then the Five Million India Loan Bill was read a Second
Time, and the House was Counted Out at a quarter past one on its
first night's really creditable—not doing—but talking, since its first
night on the Indian Budget.

So let John Bull stomach his disillusion, and hold hard to the
fact, that India is not worth a mint of money.

Friday.—The Lords met and adjourned by half-past five, after
forwarding some BiUs a stage. That the Lords can do, without
talking about it; whereas the Commons can talk about it but can-
not do it.

Commons.—Local Government of the Metropolis. Heaven belp
our prospect of it, if it is to be gauged by to-night's desultory talk.
Then to Continuous Brakes. Agreed to leave their adoption to the
proper feeling of the Railway Companies !

rARMER HAWFINCH'S DREAM.

Loramassy, what
wonderful pie-
ters they be
What we zees in
our drames, or
do sim fur to
zee,

When our eyes be
fast closed in
the dark and
abed!
Have us got eyes
behind eyes,
inside o' the
head ?

Gwiun whoam-
ards from mar-
kut at Win-
chester town,
I wus ketched in
the raain dri-
vun over the
down.

And I'd got about 'leven mile vurder to goo,

Zo, afoor I rached whoam, I got drippun wet droo.

For to 'vide ketchun cold, that night, 'fore I turned in,
I mixed me a nightcap o' hot beer and gin,
And set out in the kitchen, and swiggled un there,
Till a smokun my pipe I drapt off in my chair.

I dremp I'd gone back to the pleace where I'd ben,
And strolled down to the Close from "the Corn Markut then.
The Cathadral was nigh when ut come on to power ;
Zo I went and took shelter within from the shower.

When lo and behold, unto me did appear
Dree wry-fashioned figgers in robes long and queer,
Stiff as shapes in staain'd winders of old, wi' a thing
Aitch atop of 'a's head like a shiny gold ring.