Punch: Punch (76.1879)

June 21, 1879.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

285

QUEER SITE FOR A CHURCH.

" A proposal has been set
on foot, with every prospect of
success, to build a memorial
church on a site which will
bear a mournful but immortal
name in English history."—
Times.

By all means raise a me-
morial to the brave who fell
at Isandlana; but would
not a preferable place for
it be inside St. Paul's ? Or
if the monument must needs
be a church, had it not
better stand in some neigh-
bourhood where it would
have a chance of being occa-
sionally occupied by a con-
gregation P Have we gone
the right way to convert
the Zulus by invading their
territory ? Are they likely
ever to frequent a sacred
edifice erected on a battle-
field which Christian and
heathen have made memor-
able by mutual slaughter ?
The only place of worship
to build with propriety over
interred carnage would be
a Temple of Mars.

THE GAY GROSVENOR GALLERY GUIDE.

[A Personally-Conducted Tour through the Collection of Curiosities.)

Wo. 1. A Labour of Love. Mrs. Wylie. Love's Labour—not
lost, I hope. Cupid is represented here as a Wylie little rogue.
No. 2. Portrait of Herr Henschel.

Alma Tadema said, " 'Tis essential

I should paint the great Herr Henschel."

Here is the Herr playing another H'air on the piano very forte.
There is nobody else in the room, so he can make as much noise as he
likes. But never mind, Herr. Walls have ears, and if you only
keep up the forte, you '11 bring down the house.

Works by W. B. Richmond. Nos. 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. There
are seven Bichmonds in the field.

No. 6. She must be a Giantess when she stands up.

No. 7. Daisy Houldsworth. Very melancholy expression. It
ought to be Lack-a-daisy Houldsworth.

No. 9. A Study in Light and Shade. More fitted for a drawing-
room than a study. Good. But send for the doctor. She must be
unwell. _ Look at the colour of her lips! She 's the Lass o' Rich-
mond—'ill. She should go and kiss Carlo Pellegrini's girl,
"Violets " (211), and take a little of the rouge off her; she can spare
it. As for the lips of the Lass o' Richmond 'ill, they could never
tell anything but white lies—which brings us to

No. 10. The End of the Story.

No. 11. Portrait of Lieut.-Colonel T. White Thompson. Too
White Thompson. Pale with rage; but, fortunately, the gallant
warrior is separated from the artist by a high and massive table.
He is evidently some distance from Richmond. Perhaps, judging
from the colour of his face, somewhere about Putty-ney. (Oh !)

No. 13. Arabs in the Museum of Algiers. By F. Dicey. If we
speak nowadays of So-and-so's harmonies in colour, this must be
one of Moor's Melodies.

No. 15. A Morning Mist. Cecil Lawson. Well, Mr. Lawson,
a Morning Mist is better than a Day Lost. You are fond of this
subject.

No. 16. Charing Cross Bridge. Midnight. A. Stuart-Wort-
ley. Of course. Lost his way coming home from the Club. Won't
go home till morning. This Bridge is exactly what he should have
painted, because its Archie—Stuart-Wortley.

No. 17. Psyche's Toil in Venus' Garden. E. Matthew Hale.
The tale of Cupid and Psyche, illustrated, from the Morris Papers.
The idea is Love in a Maize.

No. 20. What's this ? A knight in armour, clawing with his left
hand the shoulder of a shrinking girl, while in his right he holds a
drawn sword, threateningly. The idea conveyed is, " Row between a
Young Married Couple in the Olden Time." Knight says, " By my
halidame, mistress mine, an ye say another angry word, I Tl cut your
head off! Now! " On referring to the Catalogue, however, I find

that the picture is by Mr. W. G. Wills, who intends it to represent
Ophelia and Laertes. 0 dear me ! I beg your pardon, Mr. Wills !
I really hadn't an idea—bless me !—how very stupid of me—but
now you mention it—I see—of course— Olivia and Laertes—I mean
Ophelia. Ah ! very nice, yes. I '11 look at the next.

No. 21. Now, what is this ? Bless me, why this also is by
Mr. Wills, who tells us it is intended to represent The Spirit of the
Shell. It looks more like The Body in the Shell. But that would
be funereal. What Spirit is in the Shell ? You mean in the Cask,
don't you ? Oh, I see ! Yes—it's one of the Gmii, sheU'j) me !
Good morning, Mr. W. G. W., and much obliged for the informa-
tion.

No. 22. Sarpedon. W. B. Richmond. Another Richmond ! He
quotes—

" To the soft arms of silent sleep and death,
They to his friends the mournful charge shall bear."

We fly by night. The "mournful charge" seems rather high—in
the air. The one winged being above is evidently asking the other
beneath (who is carrying the legs) " Which way ? " They have lost
their bearings, but not what they bear. "Conning and Steering"
wouldn't have been a bad title for it.

No. 19. Kent. Cecil Lawson. " Kent! " It's Kent all oyer-
except Canterbury. Admirable! Bravo, Cecil Lawson ! This is
your line, Sir—stick to it, and to all other competitors in the Kent
field you can say, " All hops abandon ye who enter here ! " Quite a
hop-pickture ! Keep up your picker ! Allez .' Hop Id !

No. 24. Light, Life, and Melody. H. Herkomee. The ^ Beer -
veerian Highlands. Peasants smoking and drinking beer, while one
of them is playing, on the zither, a selection from Meyer-beer. It
is a large water-colour painting. The objection to water-colour
paintings is that they won't last. But this will, because of its size.

No. 26. Dressing Mustard-Seed on a Norfolk Farmstead. R. W.
Macbeth. Clever, but uninteresting. Next time let the worthy
Thane take a Shakspearian subject—" Bottom a-dressing Mustard-
Seed."

No. 27. The Fountain. Thomas Armstrong. This picture is
chiefly remarkable for a portrait of Walter Crane in the right
corner; and that this is so intended is evident from the juxtaposition
of that Artist's work entitled

No. 21. The Sirens. Walter Crane. A scene at Margate in
the olden time. Bathing-women surprised by the near approach of
a boat-load of Cockneys. Where are the Police ?

No. 32. Music ; or, let us be LLarpy together. W. E. F. Beitten.
This isn't Great Britten.

No. 33. What is this f Eh ? A young gentleman in a fancy-
costume—half knight, half troubadour, without the guitar—is trying
to induce a damsel, slightly decolletee, to step into a boat— i. e. just to
put her foot in it. He is saying, artfully, " It's very fine outside.
Good day for a row." But she hesitates. By E. C. Halle. H'allez-
vous-en !

No. 34. Kitty. Child with dog. Portrait. W. Wilfrid Major.
Kitty and Doggy. Pity it wasn't Kit-Cat. Eyes right, Major !

No. 36. Llead of a Girl at Lerici. G. Costa. Try something
English. Next time let's have, The Head of a House at Oxford.

No. 40. Lsabella. J. M. Strudwick. Lady in great distress
looking at an empty umbrella-stand.

Poor Isabella
Lost her umbrella.
Where is it ? Tell her !
Not in the cellar.
Oh, my umbrella!

Mr. Strudwick has been far more careful over his picture than
his Isabella was with her parapluie.

No. 32. Night and Sleep. Miss E. Pickering. Both wide
awake, and taking a Fly.

No. 43. Shipbuilding. P. R. Morris, A.R.A. AVhat good model
workmen to keep so nice and clean! "Those who touch pitch"
doesn't apply here. And what a nice model ship ! Clean as a well-
kept baby in its own cradle. Mr. Morris should next paint A Clean
Siveep. This Shipbuilding is of course a "marine piece." The
Sweep would make an excellent "chimney-piece." Why, these
workmen, caulking a vessel, couldn't be cleaner if they were the
Queen's chief butlers uncorking the wine.

No. 51. The Widow's Acre. G. H. Boughton. He should have
called it, The Widow's Diggings. For what the diggins else is she
doing with that spade in her hand ? The Widow's back must be the
Widow's acher. Good for a Boughton if it's a Sold 'un—as it ought
to be. Yes, that should be mine, if I'd bought 'un. By the way,

I'm informed the name spelt Boughton
Is pronounced the same as Houghton.
But the play on words I've thought on
Needs that you pronounce it Bought-on.
But that rightly 'tis called Bough-ton.—
Well, that subject I 'ye a doubt on.

No. 54. Portrait of Miss Rosa Corder. J. M. Whistler. Better