Punch: Punch (76.1879)

July 5, 1879.] PUNCH, Oil THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 305

farmers at all, was answered in the Lowtherian manner, in a light
and jaunty style, that made the supporters of Government laugh,
and the Irish Home-Rule Members savage. Whereupon Mr. O'Connor
Power moved the adjournment of the House, for the purpose of
pitching into the Chief Secretary; whereupon the supporters of the
Government went off in a loud and lively conversation, which drowned
Mr. O'Connor's voice ; whereupon Mr. O'Connor's friends, Mr. Par-
nell at their head, rushed in, on the point of order; whereupon
Mr, Newdegate rose to order on Mr. Parnele, and Mr. Sullivan
to order on Mr. Newdegate, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer
on Mr. Sulltvan, and Mr. Mitchell-Henri? on the Chancellor
of the Exchequer, till at last the Speaker himself was swept into
the row, and disorder swamped order and reigned supreme. Then
the mild wisdom of Lord Haetington threw oil on the troubled
waters ; but, even after that, the storm was very nearly raised again
between Mr. Bright, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and Lord
John Manners. Whereupon explanations from everybody who had
been concerned in the disturbance made confusion worse confounded,
till Mr. O'Connor Power withdrew his Motion, and the House settled
down to the business of the evening, after an hour of such lively
scrimmage as would not have done discredit to the French Legislative
Chamber.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer confirmed the news of the
abdication of the Khedive in favour of his son, Prince Teweik, and
answered Lord Hartington's questions, to the effect that France,
Germany, Austria, Russia, Italy, and the Porte, had all had a finger
in the Egyptian pie ; that the principal ground for pressing Ismail's
abdication was the misgovernment of Egypt; and that the abdication
had taken place in obedience to orders received from the Porte.

Mr. Fawcett wanted to know if the recommendations to the
Khedive to resign had been made solely in consequence of the mis-
government of his people, and had nothing to do with the failure of
the Khedive to execute his engagements to his creditors.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer said the "complications"
between the Khedive and his creditors were '' part of the case
against him." To pay his creditors he had to squeeze his poor fellahs,
and this caused oppression ; '' but still it would be incorrect to say
that these complications were the reason of the action of the Govern-
ment."

Poor Sir Stafford ! How helplessly yet laboriously he beat about
the bush ! But it would not have been pleasant to say that England
has been dragged into action at the wheels of Prince Bismarck's
chariot, and that spirited England only interfered on finding that
the other European Powers were quite prepared to interfere with-
out her.

Friday {Lords).—Lord Carnarvon pleaded for the oppressed
Armenians.

Lord Salisbury sneered at the folly and impatience with the
progress of Turkish reforms in Asia Minor.

Hurry no man's cattle—especially the Sultan's. Money makes
the Turk to go,—and, as the Turk has no money, it is a case of " no
go " with the Turk. Yery pleasant, especially when we consider
that we have guaranteed Turkish dominion in Asia Minor on condition
of its reform, and that there is no reform of its condition.

{Commons.)—More talk over Army Discipline and Pteform Bill.
Suppose, after the scene of Thursday, the House brought in a Bill
for its own ?

A MATTER OP TASTE.

"As to the resthetical character of the work, that was purely a matter
of taste."—The Lord Chancellor on the Proposed Widening of London
Bridge.

A matter of taste ! Oh, precisely, my Lord!

And taste, as we know, is a question en Vair.
Why should Cits, or Lord Chancellors either, be bored

With moot points of aesthetics ? It's jolly unfair.
Our Boeotian Babylon's practical rule

Is that money expended on Beauty's sheer waste ;
So the man who disputes about Art is a fool,
For that's purely a matter of taste!

An architect's quarrel—between pot and kettle--

Think of making a fuss d propos of a Bridge !

The Court of C. C. all such questions should settle,
Undisturbed by the buzz of the critical midge.

Carnarvon, and Granville, and Grey may talk trash,
About grand designs marred and fine structures defaced ;

But our Chancellor—bless him!—such twaddlers can smash
With, " It's purely a matter of taste! "

Blow Beauty ! It bothers us Britishers so,
We can't get the hang of it, try how we may.

Besides our prime object is Trade, don't you know,
And we can't let mere prettiness stand in its way.

Some say since we've scarcely a building in town
That is handsome, imposing, artistic, or chaste,
That to spoil our best bridge were the work of a clown ;—
But that's purely a matter of taste!

Mere beauty don't count at the banker's, you see,

And ffisthetical plans do not turn in a penny.
Trade must have free way, and it's fiddle-de-dee

To talk of fine Art or the feelings of Bennie.
Thanks, my Lord, for your comforting words—they are pearls !

Such nous on the Woolsack seems wit run to waste ;
" It is more like an Alderman's view than an Earl's ! "—
Though,!,that's purely a matter of taste !

OUT-OF-DOORS REGISTER FOR THE WEEK.

eathee-Match at
Lord's {Monday).—■
Umbrellas versus
Waterproofs and
Goloshes. The um-
pires to be supplied
with swimming-
belts should the
weather necessitate
the precaution. ,

Tuesday.—Grand
Submarine Itegatta.
Diving-bell boats,
with crews in divers
costumes. Course
—the bed of the
Thames.

Wednesday. ■—
Grand Shower Show
in all the London
Parks.

Thursday.—Gar-
den Party, under

J C^v d^'^ canvas, in a fash-

V*v<^ k 'v j V A* ionable suburb.

(A^riKM!^ I , Thunderstorms, wa-

^A^^ M\ ,*C f) terspouts, and hail-

<:=~^ storms, at frequent

intervals.

Friday.—Grand Swimming Race over the Derby Course. Open to
horses of three years old and upwards.

Saturday.—Magnificent display of the, whole system of London
Waterworks. Hours, 1 a.m. to 11'30 p.m. inclusive.

GLORIOUS APOLLO!

New Song. " The Sun has set." The "setting" to music by
Mr. Waltee Austin. Another result of the wonderful weather.
It ought to be very popular this unseasonable Season. Plenty more
meteorological subjects at hand for this rising Composer—or rather
this setting Composer. Here are a few suggestive titles—" Where
is the Summer? Gone, alas!" "Hail! Frowning Morn!"
"Hoist the Cone!"—a patriotic song. "The Tar's Farewell to
Fine Weather." "See the Conquering Zt.ro comes!"—a barome-
trical measure. And a Glee, with words altered to suit the season.

" Under the greenwood tree,
A fool to lie you'd be,
To catch cold and sore-throat,
Till you cannot sing a note,
Come shiver ! Come shiver ! Come shiver !
'Tis plain to see,
No summer there '11 be,
But winter and rough weather!''

" The Weathercock proclaims the Morn ! " And the same Composer
could write a new Cantata suitable to this Summer, entitled " 'The
Fire Screen."

Bravo! Master Waltee, let us have the sun set to music. It's
the only thing that remains to be done with it.

A Speaker's Assistant.

Nolumus mores, anymore than leges Anglice mutai'i. Nevertheless,
might not the Speaker of the House of Commons as well be pro-
vided, like the President of the French Chamber of Deputies, with a
Bell, for the purpose of arguing, when necessary, with Obstructive
Home-Rulers. Or, if a Bell might seem a servile imitation, what
would the Collective Wisdom say to a Chinese gong ?