Punch (90.1886)

Apeil 3, 1886.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 159

PLENARY.

Visitor (stalwart Spinster). "Five and a half are you, Dear? And how Old do you think I am?"

Ethel (deliberately). "Sixteen." Visitor. "Sixteen? Oh!—you quite flatt-"

Mhel. "I can't Count any further than that!"

To slick us up, keep us from getting tight,
And make smart peep-shows of our leaky
garrets. [here,
Look at 'em, Lords and Commons, Speaker
Lord Chancelloe there,—the kindness and
the grace of 'em!—
One shuts the puhs to save us from the heer,
One opens the Museum doors in place
of 'em.

Wot could be pleasanter ? They'd like, of
course, [salaries,
To drop their Clubs, and turn up their snug
"Work six days out o' seven like a horse,
And pass their Sundays all in Pickter
Galleries!

No river larks, no Richmond feeds for them,
No Sabbath club-cracks, and no Sunday
tennis!

Fancy a lecture on Jerusalem,

A lot of hodds and hends from Rome or
Wenice, [birds,
A stroll among chipped statues or stuffed

Nme hours with long-mugged Saints and

TXT l-P,™1^ Cupids !

Wouldn't that suit the Swells? Oh, why
waste words ? [stupids.

Them as such wouldn't satisfy must be
JJ if ty-two Sundays in the year, you see,

But Galleries and Museums are like baccy,
The more you have the better they agree,

That is, unless you're obstinate or cracky,
Like—well, like me, I s'pose, for, dash my wig,

If I can stand too much of 'em! It needles
My temper somehow to take picters big

In ttoo big doses,—or stuffed snakes, or
beedles.

Theerf ore, my Lords and Gentlemen, it strikes

Me somehow as you ain't pereisely hit it.
"We 'vo all our little likes and our dislikes, _

And my tastes ain't for statues, I admit it.
Shut wot you like, and open wot you will,

'Tain't doors alone as does it. Look at
Churches!
I tell you we ain't babies, drawn at will

By sugar-sticks, or drove away by birches.
" Now then, my little man, be good, and drop

That nasty pot and pipe—they're most
injurious—•

And take this pretty pickter-book ! "—0 stop
That Granny gabble! It just makes us
furious.

Wholesome amusement, handy to us all
To take or leave, no question asked, no
cackle,

Would empty half the pubs, and leave no
call

To shut the others. Who's prepared to
tackle

That little bizness ? Don't all speak at once!

It wants a man no canter, and not quacky.
Till he turns up, I'm such a blooming dunce,

I don't see turning up my beer and 'baccy.

To Be or Not to Be.—This is a good form
of advertisement:—

"MAID (Useful) or Maid to Young Ladies."

If she's to be engaged in a general way,
she's " useful" ; but if only as a " Maid to
Young Ladies," then she is no longer " use-
ful," and therefore useless; though, of course,
she may remain purely ornamental.

LEGAL OPINIONS v. STREET'S
GHOST.

On Thursday, March 25, judgment in this
interesting case, so long pending, was deli-
vered in the Central Hall, and in the Queen's
Bench Division, as reported in the Times :—

"The Loud Chancellor (in the Central Hall)
said,—This Palace of Justice was the crowning
work of Mr. Street's life. I am quite sure of
this, that the more this building is studied, arid the
longer the profession live in it, the more reason
they will see to be grateful to the architect who
designed it, and to be satisfied with the result of
his labours. I remember, on the day when the
Courts were opened, a gentleman, whom I now Bee
present, said that he was quite sure that every day
we lived in them we should discover some fresh
beauty in them. As far as I am concerned, that
observation has been completely verified.

" Mr. Baron Huddleston (in the Queen's
Bench) said, with regard to the Royal Courts of
Justice, that they seemed to have been designed
and constructed so as to combine every possible
inconvenience to every person connected with them.
When consulted aa to the proposed new Courts at
Birmingham, he had said that, whatever was done,
he strongly advised them not to copy the Eoyal
Courts of Justice of London."

The Lord Chief Chancellor Justice Punch
fully agrees with what has fallen from both
his learned brethren, and is glad, in the
interests of the Public, that the matter is
settled. Not that the Public matters much.

^ Motto foe Claeet Drinkers.—Revenons
d nos " Moutons."