DOI issue:
January 30, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16621#0056
4S
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 30, 1855.
AN ADVERTISING CONSCIENCE.
eaven knows we have no
wish to be thought of a
complaining disposition, or
0 have it said that we let
trifles put us out, but the
advertisements we see in the
second column of the Times
are really a continual cause
of great annoyance to us.
We rarely ever now can
get our breakfast in peace,
by reason of the problems
which are there to puzzle
us: and we have generally
a fit of indigestion after-
wards, from the state of
mental worry these perplex-
ities occasion. As a sample
of the way in which we are
bewildered, we quote the
following enigma from the
Times of the 6th ult.:—
HPHE PERSON" who acci-
1 dently broke the bow of
a stranger engaged at an archery
meeting in the neighbourhood of
Stafford, about 30 years ago. is
< esirous of making restitu-
tion for the offence, and ready
to do so on receiving the address
of the owner, with particulars as
to the time of day when, and the
»)iace where, their bow was found broken. Apply to A. C. H., post office, Staff jid
We hate to use harsh language, but we really think if A. C. EL had had the least regard
for the fitness of things, he would have said, apply to me at Bedlam or St. Luke's, and have
reserved his announcement for the First of April. The notion of expecting one to recollect
a circumstance like that which forms the subject of this long-deferred advertisement, is
really so insane, that a lunacy commission might be issued on the strength of it. If one
even had a memory as long as the Leviathan, it would reach with little certainty to so remote
a date.
Besides the puzzle of remembering so small a circumstance at so great a length of time
as thirty years ago, there is to thinking minds an additional bewilderment in the doubt bit too proud to take it.
which must ensue from the wording of the
notice as to how many proprietors the broken
bow belonged to. The singular noun "owner,"
is coupled with the plural possessive pronoun
"their" in a way, that not only sets grammar
at defiance, but adds to the perplexity the state-
ment must occasion. Not merely is it doubtful
whether or no, the " Stranger" and the " Owner"
be one and the same person, but whether one or
both of them were with other one or others joint-
stock holders of the bow, and interested therefore
in the restitution to be made for it. In short,
the mystery in which this " Stranger " is enve-
loped is scarcely less than that which afflicted
Mrs. Haller, and we can hardly hope to feel quite
easy in our mind until we have been told tht
way we may unravel it. If the Duplex Boy had
lived " about thirty years ago," we should have
guessed at once that he had been the injurec
one; for only to some such singular a personage
could the plural pronoun "their" be grammati-
cally applied. There is one thing, however, which
seems completely clear tons : namely, that at any
rate, the owner, it is known, was not a lady, or
A. 0. H. would have been spared the cost of his
advertisement. For as the recollection of thirty
years ago is tantamount of course to the confes-
sion of a life of so prolonged duration, it is obvious
that only from a masculine memory could the proo.
of such longevity be reasonably looked for.
The only construction we can put upon the
matter is, that A. C. H. has lately had the night-
mare, and his awakened conscience prompts him
to expiate his fault as far as it is possible at
this late day to do so. If this be really so,
although we feel we cannot pity, we in our
benevolence will do our best to help him, and to
this end we have given his announcement the
publicity our world-wide circulation will ensue
Should A. C. H. consider it will ease his troublec
mind to send us up some conscience-money in
atonement for his fault, we have the still further
charity to say, he need not fear to find we are a
AN ALDERMAN ON A PEDESTAL
Metaphysical talkers are generally hard to understand, but the
obscurity of their phrases is sometimes exceeded by persons who pass
for the plainest speakers. The discourse of Aldermen has the character
of being, for the most part, remarkably idiomatic and familiar; so
familiar, indeed, as now and then to border on vulgarity. Bu*" it is
sometimes almost or quite incomprehensible, although the v, in alder-
manic speech, may be substituted for the to, and wicey-waucey. Yes-
wicey-waucey we say, though those who live in glass houses should
not throw stones, as we shall probably be informed by the ci-devant
academy-usher, who criticises dog-Latinisms and typographical errors
ir the Saturday Review. An example of the obscurity in question
occurs in a speech reported to have been delivered by Alderman
Sidney, at a recent Court of Aldermen, in reference to the address
voted by that worshipful body to the Emperor of the French. The
worthy Alderman is represented to have said, alluding to the Emperoi's
address to the Chambers :—
" The sentiments therein expressed must not only raise him in the estimation of
his people, but must place him on a pedestal of fame among the crowned heads of
the world."
A pedestal is the basis of a statue, according to Johnson. That is
to say, it is the block, more or less ornamental, on which a statue is
placed. It may be a simple pillar or column. Fame is denoted by
wings and a trumpet; but the pedestal of fame is indistinguishable
from any other pedestal. Alderman Sidney, if he were placed upon
the pedestal of fame, would stand on exactly the same elevation as
that on which he says that Louis Napoleon must be placed by the
sentiments which he expressed the other day. He might not look
quite so statuesque there, perhaps. But whether it were the Alderman
or the Emperor that was placed on the pedestal of fame, nobody would
know whose the pedestal was, if the occupant thereof did not indicate
the owner by wearing a pair of wings and blowing a trumpet.
According to the Alderman's statement, it appears doubtful whether
the crowned heads of the world have only one pedestal of fame among
them, or stand each of them on its own pedestal of fame. There is
one of those heads—that of the Royal Bomba—which, adopting and
adapting Mr. Alderman Sidney's diction, we may describe as standing
on a pedestal of infamy.
By this time we may be thought to have erected a pedestal on which
Alderman Sidney will stand as it were upon a stool; whilst on the
other hand we may be considered to have given him too great a length
of column. However there he is ; and we will say no more except just
to call attention to his attitude, which, though it may not be exactly
graceful, is that of an upright Citizen and Magistrate.
PENURY IN PLENTY.
On the Kooria Mooria Islands
May guano in plenty be found,
But oh 1 they're such hard rocky dry lands,
We can't dig it out of the ground.
Meanwhile the Thames, under our noses,
Flows rich with deposit impure,
And we waste all that essence of roses,
That treasure of native manure.
TOLERATION FOR A WHIM.
The Roman Catholics of Doncaster have gained a point which they
have been long contending for, having, by dint of importunity, com-
pelled the Doncaster Cemetery Commissioners to give them a portion
of the Cemetery for themselves exclusively. This is all very well; anc
if they choose to believe that the remains of Popish organizations wil
decompose more comfortably by themselves apart than they would
intermingled with Protestant remains, by all means let them enjoy
their belief, and be humoured in it. But how the Spanish priesthood,
who will not, or would not till lately, allow Dissenters to be buried
elsewhere than at low-water mark, on the coast, must laugh at our
Government for allowing our Romish fellowr subjects—if they will
allow us to call them so—to be interred in a Cemetery at all!
The Industrious and Idle (Political) Apprentices.—Fredh
rick Peel, and Sir Robert Peel.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 30, 1855.
AN ADVERTISING CONSCIENCE.
eaven knows we have no
wish to be thought of a
complaining disposition, or
0 have it said that we let
trifles put us out, but the
advertisements we see in the
second column of the Times
are really a continual cause
of great annoyance to us.
We rarely ever now can
get our breakfast in peace,
by reason of the problems
which are there to puzzle
us: and we have generally
a fit of indigestion after-
wards, from the state of
mental worry these perplex-
ities occasion. As a sample
of the way in which we are
bewildered, we quote the
following enigma from the
Times of the 6th ult.:—
HPHE PERSON" who acci-
1 dently broke the bow of
a stranger engaged at an archery
meeting in the neighbourhood of
Stafford, about 30 years ago. is
< esirous of making restitu-
tion for the offence, and ready
to do so on receiving the address
of the owner, with particulars as
to the time of day when, and the
»)iace where, their bow was found broken. Apply to A. C. H., post office, Staff jid
We hate to use harsh language, but we really think if A. C. EL had had the least regard
for the fitness of things, he would have said, apply to me at Bedlam or St. Luke's, and have
reserved his announcement for the First of April. The notion of expecting one to recollect
a circumstance like that which forms the subject of this long-deferred advertisement, is
really so insane, that a lunacy commission might be issued on the strength of it. If one
even had a memory as long as the Leviathan, it would reach with little certainty to so remote
a date.
Besides the puzzle of remembering so small a circumstance at so great a length of time
as thirty years ago, there is to thinking minds an additional bewilderment in the doubt bit too proud to take it.
which must ensue from the wording of the
notice as to how many proprietors the broken
bow belonged to. The singular noun "owner,"
is coupled with the plural possessive pronoun
"their" in a way, that not only sets grammar
at defiance, but adds to the perplexity the state-
ment must occasion. Not merely is it doubtful
whether or no, the " Stranger" and the " Owner"
be one and the same person, but whether one or
both of them were with other one or others joint-
stock holders of the bow, and interested therefore
in the restitution to be made for it. In short,
the mystery in which this " Stranger " is enve-
loped is scarcely less than that which afflicted
Mrs. Haller, and we can hardly hope to feel quite
easy in our mind until we have been told tht
way we may unravel it. If the Duplex Boy had
lived " about thirty years ago," we should have
guessed at once that he had been the injurec
one; for only to some such singular a personage
could the plural pronoun "their" be grammati-
cally applied. There is one thing, however, which
seems completely clear tons : namely, that at any
rate, the owner, it is known, was not a lady, or
A. 0. H. would have been spared the cost of his
advertisement. For as the recollection of thirty
years ago is tantamount of course to the confes-
sion of a life of so prolonged duration, it is obvious
that only from a masculine memory could the proo.
of such longevity be reasonably looked for.
The only construction we can put upon the
matter is, that A. C. H. has lately had the night-
mare, and his awakened conscience prompts him
to expiate his fault as far as it is possible at
this late day to do so. If this be really so,
although we feel we cannot pity, we in our
benevolence will do our best to help him, and to
this end we have given his announcement the
publicity our world-wide circulation will ensue
Should A. C. H. consider it will ease his troublec
mind to send us up some conscience-money in
atonement for his fault, we have the still further
charity to say, he need not fear to find we are a
AN ALDERMAN ON A PEDESTAL
Metaphysical talkers are generally hard to understand, but the
obscurity of their phrases is sometimes exceeded by persons who pass
for the plainest speakers. The discourse of Aldermen has the character
of being, for the most part, remarkably idiomatic and familiar; so
familiar, indeed, as now and then to border on vulgarity. Bu*" it is
sometimes almost or quite incomprehensible, although the v, in alder-
manic speech, may be substituted for the to, and wicey-waucey. Yes-
wicey-waucey we say, though those who live in glass houses should
not throw stones, as we shall probably be informed by the ci-devant
academy-usher, who criticises dog-Latinisms and typographical errors
ir the Saturday Review. An example of the obscurity in question
occurs in a speech reported to have been delivered by Alderman
Sidney, at a recent Court of Aldermen, in reference to the address
voted by that worshipful body to the Emperor of the French. The
worthy Alderman is represented to have said, alluding to the Emperoi's
address to the Chambers :—
" The sentiments therein expressed must not only raise him in the estimation of
his people, but must place him on a pedestal of fame among the crowned heads of
the world."
A pedestal is the basis of a statue, according to Johnson. That is
to say, it is the block, more or less ornamental, on which a statue is
placed. It may be a simple pillar or column. Fame is denoted by
wings and a trumpet; but the pedestal of fame is indistinguishable
from any other pedestal. Alderman Sidney, if he were placed upon
the pedestal of fame, would stand on exactly the same elevation as
that on which he says that Louis Napoleon must be placed by the
sentiments which he expressed the other day. He might not look
quite so statuesque there, perhaps. But whether it were the Alderman
or the Emperor that was placed on the pedestal of fame, nobody would
know whose the pedestal was, if the occupant thereof did not indicate
the owner by wearing a pair of wings and blowing a trumpet.
According to the Alderman's statement, it appears doubtful whether
the crowned heads of the world have only one pedestal of fame among
them, or stand each of them on its own pedestal of fame. There is
one of those heads—that of the Royal Bomba—which, adopting and
adapting Mr. Alderman Sidney's diction, we may describe as standing
on a pedestal of infamy.
By this time we may be thought to have erected a pedestal on which
Alderman Sidney will stand as it were upon a stool; whilst on the
other hand we may be considered to have given him too great a length
of column. However there he is ; and we will say no more except just
to call attention to his attitude, which, though it may not be exactly
graceful, is that of an upright Citizen and Magistrate.
PENURY IN PLENTY.
On the Kooria Mooria Islands
May guano in plenty be found,
But oh 1 they're such hard rocky dry lands,
We can't dig it out of the ground.
Meanwhile the Thames, under our noses,
Flows rich with deposit impure,
And we waste all that essence of roses,
That treasure of native manure.
TOLERATION FOR A WHIM.
The Roman Catholics of Doncaster have gained a point which they
have been long contending for, having, by dint of importunity, com-
pelled the Doncaster Cemetery Commissioners to give them a portion
of the Cemetery for themselves exclusively. This is all very well; anc
if they choose to believe that the remains of Popish organizations wil
decompose more comfortably by themselves apart than they would
intermingled with Protestant remains, by all means let them enjoy
their belief, and be humoured in it. But how the Spanish priesthood,
who will not, or would not till lately, allow Dissenters to be buried
elsewhere than at low-water mark, on the coast, must laugh at our
Government for allowing our Romish fellowr subjects—if they will
allow us to call them so—to be interred in a Cemetery at all!
The Industrious and Idle (Political) Apprentices.—Fredh
rick Peel, and Sir Robert Peel.