DOI issue:
March 27, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16621#0131
March 27, 1SD8.J PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 123
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
arch 15, Monday.
The Marquis of
Clanricarde had
given notice that
he should to-night
show that he de-
served the monu-
ment which Lord
scamperdale, in
Soapey Sponge, pro-
mised to set up
over Mr. John
Spraggon, should
that gentleman
break his neck in
trying to break
somebody else's in
the steeple-chace ;
namely, white mar-
ble, bearing a
statement that he
was the most spot-
less virtuous man under the sun. On consideration, the Marquis
abandoned the attempt and disappointed the audience.
Lord Derby stated, that though it might be undesirable that either
Orangemen or Parsons should be Magistrates, he should not adhere to
the late Irish Chancellor's edict that no Orangeman should be a Magis-
trate in Ireland. Mr. Punch has never been able to see the use of
either Magistrates or Laws in that island. Every question there resolves
itself into the question of Papist or Protestant, and the only chance of
fair play lies in the confused minds of jurors, who, with the best desire
to give a party verdict, sometimes blunder into a just one.
The Earl op Malmesbury produced the correspondence he has
had with the Court of France. There are five letters: 1. Cowley
tells Clarendon that Walewski is very sorry that he has been mis-
understood. 2. Malmesbury tells Cowley to tell Walewski that
we are glad of his sorrow for the misunderstanding, but that his
language, under the circumstances, made it exceedingly natural.
3. Cowley tells Malmesbury that he has told Walewski this, and
that he is glad that we are glad. 4. Malmesbury tells Cowley that
a formal despatch from Walewski will now put all straight. 5. Wa-
lewski writes to Persigny a despatch stating that the Emperor loves
England, trusts in Heaven, meant no offence, and drops the subject.
So that there is no reason to believe in the probability of war this
week or even next week. And now Persigny, dissatisfied with
Walewski and his master, resigns office.
Oar friends and correspondents, the Dublin University lads, appear
to have been brutally treated by the Dublin Police, for simply favour-
ing the latter with some Irish epigrams in the forms of lighted squibs,
and other missiles, on occasion of Lord Eglintoun's entry. Again
the amiable Irish element was evoked, the youths being Protestants
and the police being Papists. Mr. Punch's own suggestion for
managing Leland by means of some indifferent parties,_say Jews, is
really the only safe one. It is found to work very well in the East,
where the Turks (with whips) contrive to keep rival Christians from
fighting much too ferociously over The Sepulchre.
The Commons rejected the Bill for providing Tramways for the
London Omnibuses. Lord John Manners said that, if anybody
would give Statues to be set up in the Parks, he would accept them,
but they must be good ones, as it would not do to let every stone-
mason in the New Road stick up an advertisement in the shape
of a Discobolus, with the maker's address cut where most space for
inscription might be afforded.
Touching the Cagliari question, there then ensued conflict. Mr.
Punch begs to point out, with his usual unhesitating frankness, that
there has been Humbug on the part both of the present and the late
Ministers in this matter. Each party tried to shift responsibility upon
the other. Lord Palmerston boldly told two entirely different
stories about his own conduct, and Mr. Disraeli was compelled to
pretend to have new lights, and to undertake that the subject should
be reconsidered. Meantime, Bomba seems frightened, for he has
liberated Watt, and ordered Park's trial to be hastened, in order to
get rid of him.
A very neat quarrel scene, if one may call it so, ensued between
Mr. Bernal Osborne and Mr. Benjamin Disraeli, and the Oriental
origin of both gentlemen was amply vindicated by the eagerness with
which they joined battle. There was no Saxon clumsiness of blow,
but excellent carte and tierce. Mr. Osborne demanded a statement
of Ministerial policy. Mr. Disraeli was astonished at such impu-
dence, and said that he was a Conservative. Mr. Horsman thoughf.
Mr. Osborne's attack unfair. Lord John Russell defended the old
Reform Act, and will probably one of these days rise with a word for
Magna Charta, and a plea for the Pyramids. "Mr. Drummond said
that the Reform Act was contrived to help the Whigs to beat the
Tories. Lord Palmerston, more practically, recited his own good
deeds, and then the discussion ended, to the great advantage of the
country.
Tuesday. Ellenborough the First, King of India (in taking the
Indian Loan), stated his belief, that, by the end of March, Sir Colin
Campbell will have destroyed Lucknow by a fire under which no man
could hope to live. Furthermore, the Derby Government have
hastened to do what the Palmerston Government ought to have long
since done, namely, to give the son of Sir Henry Lawrence a
baronetcy (the Company giving him an annuity), and to pay a tribute
to Frederick James Halliday (Lieutenant-Governor of Bengal), a
civilian, who has done marvels of Military Administration in India.
Mr. Disraeli stated that Lord Derby's Government had refused
to allow a Mr. Hodge, a young man who appears to have been
making a goose of himself abroad, by chattering against foreign
governments, to be delivered up by Sardinia to France. At this the
Commons cheered, as does Mr. Punch, as Hodge's having lost his head
in one sense is not reason enough why he should lose it in another.
The House gave Mr. Disraeli what money he wanted; the
abominable Billeting System was assailed, and Mr. Ewart obtained a
Committee on Colonisation in India, upon which Mr. Bernal
Osborne made an extremely feeble joke to the effect that, before you
thought of Colon-isation, you should put a Full Stop to the Rebellion.
There is more sense in the notion than salt in the joke.
Wednesday. A brief debate on that elegantly flowering, but easily
killed Annual, the Billa Judaica Russelliensis, was raised, and post-
poned, the discoverer declining to state what he should do if his pet
flower were forced to wither in the cold shade of aristocracy.
Thursday. That there might be no mistake as to what is expected by
the country from Ministers, about the Cagliari, Lord Lyndhurst
brought the case forward as it now stands, and put it before Govern-
ment in a mercilessly lucid way. Chalk marks on a black board could
not be more obvious, and Lord Lyndhurst having led Lord Malmes-
bury like a schoolboy to the board, and asked him, sternly, " You see
that, do you?" let him go. There can be no wriggling away, now,
except at the price of a vote which will re-construct the Cabinet. Even
Bomba's surrender of his prey, the moment he sees that we have
discovered his fraud, will not suffice. We should have apology, and
compensation to the injured men. Remember what we did for
Pacieico, who had sustained no such wrong as our Gives.
Lord Dunkellin having taken his seat for Gal way, Mr. Roebuck
had much pleasure in inaugurating the new Member by presenting a
petition setting forth that his seat was obtained by bribery, of which his
father, the Lord Clanricarde, had been one of the practitioners.
Subsequently a Bill was brought in for disfranchising the freemen of
Gal way.
A discussion arose, originated by Mr. Rich, on the subject of the
vengeance that is being dealt out to the Indian insurgents, and two or
three Members expressed opinions that there had been enough or too
much slaughter. Others thought there had been nothing of the kind,
and that it was necessary to make examples so terrific that they would
abide in the minds of the natives. As the matter is entirely in the
hands of the Indian Army, the conversation could have no particular
result. But on one point there seemed an obfuscation which may as
well be removed. The enemies with whom we fight are of three
classes. First, there are the miscreants, military or civil, who had share
in the murder of our women and children. Secondly, there are the
people of Oude, who resist British sway. Thirdly, there are the
Sepoys who have mutinied. For the first class, the most shameful and
painful death we can inflict is too light, and they must be hunted down
and hung up without mercy. For the second, they are simply enemies,
and (except where they have countenanced the murderers) will be
treated just as the Russians were in the last war. For the third, they
are traitors, and have no right to mercy, although it is of course open
to us to show it. But really, until the victory is won, it is a little
premature to be discussing what we are to do with the vanquished.
Meantime, Government is going to consider whether we cannot afford
to give the heroes of Delhi and Lucknow more than thirty-six shillings
a-head for saving India. It is certainly getting the work done very cheap.
Friday. Lord Clanricarde, feeling "great alarm" for the interests
of religion and morality, earnestly demanded of Lord Derby whether
he meant to interfere with the present system of education in Ireland.
He said, however, that it was with " great regret that he found himself
called upon in the discharge of a public duty, to allude to the subject."
Lord Derby tranquillised him by a negative.
The Indian Loan Bill was passed, John Bull being ^sked to put
his name to the transaction merely as a matter of form, as India is
"bound in honour" to repay the whole. Mr. Punch has some notion
that the final operation will be merely a reverse of that commemorated
by Sir Walter Scott :—
" o, first they eated the White puddings,
And men they eated the Black, O !
Then thought the gude John unto himsei'
The Deil clink down with that, 0 1 "
i.
PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
arch 15, Monday.
The Marquis of
Clanricarde had
given notice that
he should to-night
show that he de-
served the monu-
ment which Lord
scamperdale, in
Soapey Sponge, pro-
mised to set up
over Mr. John
Spraggon, should
that gentleman
break his neck in
trying to break
somebody else's in
the steeple-chace ;
namely, white mar-
ble, bearing a
statement that he
was the most spot-
less virtuous man under the sun. On consideration, the Marquis
abandoned the attempt and disappointed the audience.
Lord Derby stated, that though it might be undesirable that either
Orangemen or Parsons should be Magistrates, he should not adhere to
the late Irish Chancellor's edict that no Orangeman should be a Magis-
trate in Ireland. Mr. Punch has never been able to see the use of
either Magistrates or Laws in that island. Every question there resolves
itself into the question of Papist or Protestant, and the only chance of
fair play lies in the confused minds of jurors, who, with the best desire
to give a party verdict, sometimes blunder into a just one.
The Earl op Malmesbury produced the correspondence he has
had with the Court of France. There are five letters: 1. Cowley
tells Clarendon that Walewski is very sorry that he has been mis-
understood. 2. Malmesbury tells Cowley to tell Walewski that
we are glad of his sorrow for the misunderstanding, but that his
language, under the circumstances, made it exceedingly natural.
3. Cowley tells Malmesbury that he has told Walewski this, and
that he is glad that we are glad. 4. Malmesbury tells Cowley that
a formal despatch from Walewski will now put all straight. 5. Wa-
lewski writes to Persigny a despatch stating that the Emperor loves
England, trusts in Heaven, meant no offence, and drops the subject.
So that there is no reason to believe in the probability of war this
week or even next week. And now Persigny, dissatisfied with
Walewski and his master, resigns office.
Oar friends and correspondents, the Dublin University lads, appear
to have been brutally treated by the Dublin Police, for simply favour-
ing the latter with some Irish epigrams in the forms of lighted squibs,
and other missiles, on occasion of Lord Eglintoun's entry. Again
the amiable Irish element was evoked, the youths being Protestants
and the police being Papists. Mr. Punch's own suggestion for
managing Leland by means of some indifferent parties,_say Jews, is
really the only safe one. It is found to work very well in the East,
where the Turks (with whips) contrive to keep rival Christians from
fighting much too ferociously over The Sepulchre.
The Commons rejected the Bill for providing Tramways for the
London Omnibuses. Lord John Manners said that, if anybody
would give Statues to be set up in the Parks, he would accept them,
but they must be good ones, as it would not do to let every stone-
mason in the New Road stick up an advertisement in the shape
of a Discobolus, with the maker's address cut where most space for
inscription might be afforded.
Touching the Cagliari question, there then ensued conflict. Mr.
Punch begs to point out, with his usual unhesitating frankness, that
there has been Humbug on the part both of the present and the late
Ministers in this matter. Each party tried to shift responsibility upon
the other. Lord Palmerston boldly told two entirely different
stories about his own conduct, and Mr. Disraeli was compelled to
pretend to have new lights, and to undertake that the subject should
be reconsidered. Meantime, Bomba seems frightened, for he has
liberated Watt, and ordered Park's trial to be hastened, in order to
get rid of him.
A very neat quarrel scene, if one may call it so, ensued between
Mr. Bernal Osborne and Mr. Benjamin Disraeli, and the Oriental
origin of both gentlemen was amply vindicated by the eagerness with
which they joined battle. There was no Saxon clumsiness of blow,
but excellent carte and tierce. Mr. Osborne demanded a statement
of Ministerial policy. Mr. Disraeli was astonished at such impu-
dence, and said that he was a Conservative. Mr. Horsman thoughf.
Mr. Osborne's attack unfair. Lord John Russell defended the old
Reform Act, and will probably one of these days rise with a word for
Magna Charta, and a plea for the Pyramids. "Mr. Drummond said
that the Reform Act was contrived to help the Whigs to beat the
Tories. Lord Palmerston, more practically, recited his own good
deeds, and then the discussion ended, to the great advantage of the
country.
Tuesday. Ellenborough the First, King of India (in taking the
Indian Loan), stated his belief, that, by the end of March, Sir Colin
Campbell will have destroyed Lucknow by a fire under which no man
could hope to live. Furthermore, the Derby Government have
hastened to do what the Palmerston Government ought to have long
since done, namely, to give the son of Sir Henry Lawrence a
baronetcy (the Company giving him an annuity), and to pay a tribute
to Frederick James Halliday (Lieutenant-Governor of Bengal), a
civilian, who has done marvels of Military Administration in India.
Mr. Disraeli stated that Lord Derby's Government had refused
to allow a Mr. Hodge, a young man who appears to have been
making a goose of himself abroad, by chattering against foreign
governments, to be delivered up by Sardinia to France. At this the
Commons cheered, as does Mr. Punch, as Hodge's having lost his head
in one sense is not reason enough why he should lose it in another.
The House gave Mr. Disraeli what money he wanted; the
abominable Billeting System was assailed, and Mr. Ewart obtained a
Committee on Colonisation in India, upon which Mr. Bernal
Osborne made an extremely feeble joke to the effect that, before you
thought of Colon-isation, you should put a Full Stop to the Rebellion.
There is more sense in the notion than salt in the joke.
Wednesday. A brief debate on that elegantly flowering, but easily
killed Annual, the Billa Judaica Russelliensis, was raised, and post-
poned, the discoverer declining to state what he should do if his pet
flower were forced to wither in the cold shade of aristocracy.
Thursday. That there might be no mistake as to what is expected by
the country from Ministers, about the Cagliari, Lord Lyndhurst
brought the case forward as it now stands, and put it before Govern-
ment in a mercilessly lucid way. Chalk marks on a black board could
not be more obvious, and Lord Lyndhurst having led Lord Malmes-
bury like a schoolboy to the board, and asked him, sternly, " You see
that, do you?" let him go. There can be no wriggling away, now,
except at the price of a vote which will re-construct the Cabinet. Even
Bomba's surrender of his prey, the moment he sees that we have
discovered his fraud, will not suffice. We should have apology, and
compensation to the injured men. Remember what we did for
Pacieico, who had sustained no such wrong as our Gives.
Lord Dunkellin having taken his seat for Gal way, Mr. Roebuck
had much pleasure in inaugurating the new Member by presenting a
petition setting forth that his seat was obtained by bribery, of which his
father, the Lord Clanricarde, had been one of the practitioners.
Subsequently a Bill was brought in for disfranchising the freemen of
Gal way.
A discussion arose, originated by Mr. Rich, on the subject of the
vengeance that is being dealt out to the Indian insurgents, and two or
three Members expressed opinions that there had been enough or too
much slaughter. Others thought there had been nothing of the kind,
and that it was necessary to make examples so terrific that they would
abide in the minds of the natives. As the matter is entirely in the
hands of the Indian Army, the conversation could have no particular
result. But on one point there seemed an obfuscation which may as
well be removed. The enemies with whom we fight are of three
classes. First, there are the miscreants, military or civil, who had share
in the murder of our women and children. Secondly, there are the
people of Oude, who resist British sway. Thirdly, there are the
Sepoys who have mutinied. For the first class, the most shameful and
painful death we can inflict is too light, and they must be hunted down
and hung up without mercy. For the second, they are simply enemies,
and (except where they have countenanced the murderers) will be
treated just as the Russians were in the last war. For the third, they
are traitors, and have no right to mercy, although it is of course open
to us to show it. But really, until the victory is won, it is a little
premature to be discussing what we are to do with the vanquished.
Meantime, Government is going to consider whether we cannot afford
to give the heroes of Delhi and Lucknow more than thirty-six shillings
a-head for saving India. It is certainly getting the work done very cheap.
Friday. Lord Clanricarde, feeling "great alarm" for the interests
of religion and morality, earnestly demanded of Lord Derby whether
he meant to interfere with the present system of education in Ireland.
He said, however, that it was with " great regret that he found himself
called upon in the discharge of a public duty, to allude to the subject."
Lord Derby tranquillised him by a negative.
The Indian Loan Bill was passed, John Bull being ^sked to put
his name to the transaction merely as a matter of form, as India is
"bound in honour" to repay the whole. Mr. Punch has some notion
that the final operation will be merely a reverse of that commemorated
by Sir Walter Scott :—
" o, first they eated the White puddings,
And men they eated the Black, O !
Then thought the gude John unto himsei'
The Deil clink down with that, 0 1 "
i.