Punch (34.1858)

February 27, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

81

THE MARRIAGE QUESTION.

Brawn. " So, you 'be Going to Marry Old Mrs. Yellowboyce. "Well, I

think you 're a DoOOED lucky fellah ! "

Jones. "By Jove, I don't think the Luck is all on my Side! If she Finds
Money, hang it, I Find Blood and—haw—Beauty !"

TOUGH BOILED BEEF; OE, THE
EAM1SHED SOLDIER,
a Bomcstk Romance.

A Soldier came to my area gate,

Whom my wife would have sent away,
For our larder had suffered much of late ;

But I said, Let the Warrior stay.
Let him go to his Cook for something to eat,

For his hunger craves relief;
He '11 enjoy a hit of good cold meat,

After living on tough boiled beef.

Beyond all trades, to the trade of war,

Do victims the fastest fall;
But consumption thins the ranks by far

More quickly than steel or ball.
They give them worse than paupers' food,

Much worse than they give a thief;
How the deuce are our foes to be subdued

On a diet of tough boiled beef ?

How the fuel can keep pluck's fire alight

Is what doth exceed my ken.
I wonder how our regiments fight

On such a regimen.
' Fwere no marvel at all if the bravest host

Should in action come to grief,
Being victualled, not on the best of roast,

But the worst of tough boiled beef.

Let my kitchen's plenty, then, repair

The soldier's wasted frame,
Supplying his country's lack of care

For the sustenance of the same.
Let, the sausage, too, hiss in the frying-pan,

With all my heart, right lief.
I will not grudge it that valiant man,

Who is sick of the tough boiled beef.

Hungry soldier, thou'rt welcome here,

Thou shalt have a good blow-out,
Go some of ye, fetch him a pot of beer,

Ale, or half-and-half, or stout.
There's a cold leg of mutton, I think, below;

Wrap it up in a handkerchief;
Thou may 'st bear it away—for 'twill be, I trow,

A change from thy tough boiled beef.

THE KNIGHTSBRIDGE DEMI-LUNE.

{From the West of Loudon Penny Patriot.)

Among the grander of the recent metropolitan improvements, and
one which in its degree the topographer will be inclined to rank with
the laying out of Battersea and "Victoria Parks, and the establishment
of the Crystal Palace, is the newly completed enclosure at Knights-
bridge. To this we abstain from giving the name of park or plantation,
because as yet neither turf nor tree has been placed there, but its
capabilities are of a character which may entitle it hereafter to either
of those names, or both. The area in question is on the road to the
theatrical hut Puseyistic suburb of Brompton, and bursts upon the
eye at the moment that the traveller from London, passing the aggre-
gation of wheeled conveyances at Knightsbridge, strikes to the left,
and looks to the right. For some years this has been a picturesquely
wild district, in which by day the youthful gambler hurled the copper
disc or rolled the ceramic sphere, while by night the feline custodians
of the adjacent dwellings neglected their duties to hunt there for the
abandoned fragment, or to indulge in the inharmonious serenade. All
this is now a thing of the past. The labours of an intelligent workman,
aided by the volunteer suggestions of the youth of the district, have
railed off the principal portion of the area into a Demi-lune or half-
moon, of the most regular and exact nature. The first rail was raised
in the course of the winter, but those who had charge of that task acted
upon the principle, adopted by Sir Charles Barry in the Victoria
Tower, of allowing the work to settle gradually, instead of proceeding
with it too hastily, and as there were several yards of railing to erect,
the delay has been commensurate.

We are now enabled to announce to the public that the Knights-
bridge Demi-lune is complete. It is confronted on its straight side
by several of the elegant shops of the vicinity, from the repertory of
Mr. Radford, the distinguished tobacconist, to the emporium of
Mr. Payment, the eminent corn-dealer. Around its bow are various

objects of much interest, among them being the veterinary establish-
ment of Mr. Rogers, and its adjacent mansion (erected that it might
command the Surrey Hills, a view which it does not at present
enjoy), the National Schools, where the infant mind of Brompton is
trained, let us hope, to a firmness which will enable it to defy both
theatrical and Puseyite temptations, the hundred revolving chimney
cowls of Mr. Dtjbosq, the stern architecture of King's_ Row, (1785),
and Mr. Patman's very Easy Shaving House which brings us round
again to the road. Nor has the interior of the Demi-lune been neglected.
The rake has rendered its surface level and clear fiom all inappropriate
matter, and an elegantly painted board, erected in the centre, exhibits
a menace of necessary severity against any person who shall illegally
invade the guarded precinct.

It now becomes a question to what purpose the arena shall be
devoted, and we miscalculate the spirit of Brompton if so admirable a
site will be dealt with in a hasty or niggardly manner. It is well
known that Brompton has been the residence of many distinguished
characters, as Curran, the Irish patriot, Count Rumeord, the hero
of a hundred stoves, Incledon, the vocalist, Colman, the dramatist,
John Reeve, the actor, and others, and we should suggest that a series
of statues of such individuals would evince the taste and energy of
Bromptonia. We believe, however, that the authorities are about to
invite competitive plans for laying out the Demi-lune, and that in the
meantime all preliminary information may be obtained from the
courteous and intelligent population of the vicinity. We may add that
Her Majesty was pleased to pass the Demi-lune early on Monday
week, in her way to the Brompton Boilers, and we gravely mistake if
the Queen's sentiments in regard to the locality and its appropriation
are not precisely those which might be expected from our enlightened
and excellent Sovereign.

Pathetic Resignation.—" We must all have our Trials in thid
World! "—Sanctimonious Director of the British Bubble Bank.