Punch (34.1858)

March 20, 1858.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

ill

JONATHAN'S APPENDIX TO JOHNSON.

he other day one of
those fights which, in
the United States,
are of such frequent
occurrence at deli-
berative and judicial
assemblies, took place
in the Supreme Court
of the State of New
York, arising out of
an altercation conse-
quent on the cross-
examination of Lola.

term "fellow." The
latter thereupon,
made the retort fol-
lowing :—

"Mr. Jobson (excitedly).
Now. Sir, if you call me
a fellow again, you vaga-
bond shyster, i'll let you
see."

In the foregoing
quotation there is an
expression which will
probably be novel to

most Cisatlantic readers. In the word " shyster," the English language
is enriched with a new term of abuse. We are under great obliga-
tions to America for the additions which she is continually making to
our mother tongue. The daughter is much more copious in her
phraseology than the old lady; but is especially rich in the vocabulary
of invective, the opprobrious dictionary, the lexicon of vituperation.
She is, in fact, a considerably greater scold than her mamma.

This faculty of verbal invention is something national, and its pro-
ductions might, with great propriety, be made a public matter of.
Newly coined substantives and adjectives might be issued from the
Government Mint, like dollars and cents, or the President might
solemnly promulgate them as the Pope publishes new dogmas. If,
too, the American President would explain his Yankeeisms as the
Roman Pontiff pretends to define his mysteries, he would decidedly
stamp his Holiness. We ought, to thank our American kinsmen for
new verbal arms as well as for Dahlgren guns and Colt's revolvers ;
for lingual as well as manual weapons of offence and defence. Insolent
cabmen are now happily much less common than they used to be,
but are still sometimes to be met with ; and should one encounter a
cabman of the old school, it may be convenient to have at command
such an oral missile to hurl back in return for his reproaches and bad
names, as that with which we are provided in the word " shyster."

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT

March 12, Friday. The Commons met again in order to congratulate
such of the new Ministers as are Commoners upon their re-election. A
host of petitions was presented against the admission of Jews to
Parliament, and Mr. Newdegate was good enough to announce that
as Sir Frederick Thesiger, the great anti-Judsean, had been made
Lord Chelmsford, and could trouble Israel no longer, the work
should be taken up, and not done negligently, by the mighty hunter
Newdegate himself.

The exculpation of Mr. Isaac Butt was then announced to the
House, but Mr. Roebuck, who was getting himself into a rage about
something else, took no notice of his discomfiture in this instance.

Mr. B. Disraeli, Leader of the House of Commons, then stated
that Lord Malmesbury had already patched up the unpleasantness
with Prance, and that the "painful misconceptions " which had existed
between the two Governments were at an end. Our friend Dizzy
seems, as was less truly said of another great man, Tom Thumb, to
have made the giants first, and then to have killed them. We do not
know what painful misconceptions subsisted between Lord Pae-
merston's Government and the Emperor's, although it was quite
certain that there was a misconception on Lord Palwerston's part
as to what England would permit him to do. He tried to do mor

and there ought to have been a great lot of sympathy. But if Mr.
Disraeli meant that the French parties had misconceived, or affected
to misconceive the institutions of England, and having then had the
constitution explained to them, had confessed their mistake, well and
good, and we shall be happy to see the despatches as soon as the
Queen permits them to be laid on the table. Lord Derby has
thrown over his predecessor's Conspiracy Bill, and proposes to take
legal opinions on the question.

Mr. Rich intimated that he should like to know what was going to
be the general policy of the new Government.
Mr. Disraeli put on his right glove.

Mr. P. O'Brien intimated that he also should like to know what
was going to be the general policy of the new Government.
Mr. Disraeli put on his left glove.

The House cried " Hear, hear ! " as a hint that it also should like to
know what was going to be the general policy of the new Government.
Monies. The com-j Mr. Disraeli put on his hat.

batants were tnTe j Mr. Kinglake, seeing that there was no chance of a general
plauititt, mr. jobson, anSwer, went ^ for a particular one, on the subject of the Cagliari, and
and the delendant s ; eXp]ained that, as it had now been discovered that the real wrong-
counsel, Mr. osely. doers anc[ pirates were the Neapolitans, who had seized the vessel
\r tLY app'1fa when out of Bomba's jurisdiction, it was clearly a case for English
« f„ii°^f»X tk! i interference on behalf of English subjects.

Mr. Disraeli took off his hat again, and said that the case had
been going on for ten months, and that the late Government had
decided on a course of policy to which the present Government must
adhere. He hoped that our engineers would be able to prove them-
selves innocent, and said that Lord Malmesbury had used no
"unamiable language" towards the court of Naples.

Mr. Headlam thought, that as circumstances had changed, policy
should change also. Mr. Roebuck was for moving a three-decker within
cannon shot of the Royal Palace, and said that the amiable language
he would have used would have been cannon-shot. Messrs. Horsman
and Ewart were also for fresh action, and Mr. Gladstone cried
shame upon England for leaving it to Sardinia to assert the law of
nations and the rights of Euglishmen. Lord Palmerston would
have been very glad (he now says) could he have made out a case
against Naples that would have justified a demand for our Cives
Rotnani, and under this new view of things was considering what could
be done when he was extruded from Downing Street. Mr. Milnes
urared action.

Yet, in the face of all this aggregate opinion, a subordinate Minister
was instructed to get up and repeat that Lord Derby must keep in
the groove marked out by Lord Palmerston, bulb that the House
might have any papers, except those which really bore upon the
matter.

[Lord Derby, all this is very fishy—very fishy, indeed. Do you
want to go out directly, Lord Derby ? Punch.']

Lord John Russell characterised the answer as most unsatisfac-
tory, and declared his utter want of confidence in the justice of the
Neapolitan Government. Even the dumb Osborne was moved to
speak. We were going to refer to Balaam, but it would perhaps be
more polite to turn to Homer, and liken the fiery Osborne to the
horse of Achilles, that suddenly found his tongue and intimated to
the hero that his hour would come. He actually threatened the
Cabinet with a vote of want of confidence, and was generally imperti-
nent, as of old.

So the matter ended for the present, and General Peel stated
that he was about to improve the sanatory state of the Army, and
should spare no money in the process.

The House went into Committee on the Navy Estimates, and voted
a good deal of money, not one shilling of which does Mr. Punch object
to, under existing circumstances. Sir John Pakington took 59,380
men and boys for sea and coast-guard service for the next four
months. Moreover, the reprieved convict, John Company, got his
loan; but Lord Palmerston said that he should not withdraw his
India Bill until the House had seen that of the Government.

So ended the First Night of the Derby-Dizzy Administration.
Will its remaining nights be counted in one figure, or two figures, or
will any sanguine Tory favour Mr. Punch with a bet that a third
figure will be needed to express the sum ?

The Right of Bad Translation is reserved to the French.

The classic Frenchman, who translated Byron into Biron, is now
engaged in rendering Milton. His intimate acquaintance with our
most abstruse idioms is beautifully illustrated by his elegant rendering
of the line " Sweetest Shakspeare, Nature's child," which is made to
run thus :—

" Billy doux, enfant naturel."

TF THE CARPET-BAG OF JOKES, LEFT BY ME. BERN a L
tk -Y"s"»"" "u1uu f""'lu ""• iio TV j1^Tn I *- osborne at the admiralty, is not takenaway within fourteen days, they

than this, and went head over heels ; but inasmuch as he had tried to will be sold to the Saturday Review for what they will fetch.-Sir j
please the Emperor, there could be no misconception in that quarter, i Pakington.