DOI issue:
February 27, 1858
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16621#0096
88
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 27, 1858.
THE RIGHT MEN IN THE EIGHT PLACE, viz., a Club Window.
Old General Muddle. " What, I sat, is—is—Eh? What? By Jove! What the dooce should
Civilians Know about—Eh? What—ahem !—Military Affairs ! Affairs! Eh?"
Colonel Splutter. " Hah ! The Press, Sir ! By Jove, the Press is the Corse of the
Country, and will be the Ruin of the Army ! By Jove, I'd Hang all Littery Men—
Hang 'em, Sir!"
ROMAN VACANCIES.
The subjoined is worth reprinting, for the
sake of otir comments upon it:—
" A. letter from Rome, of the 6th, says: 'Cardinal
Fieschi died last night. His death makes the number of
vacant hats in the Sacred College eleven.'"
Does the vacancy of a hat consist in the
emptiness of the head that is inside it, because
if so, we need not go to Home to gaze on a like
vacancy. Walk down Pall Mall, or St. James's
Street, at the hour when the empty swells come
out thickest, and you will see vacant hats by the
dozen. By the bye, if there are vacant hats, we
suppose there are also vacant bonnets ? The
vacancy is not at all improbable, inasmuch as it
is quite a rarity, from the present fashion of
wearing the bonnet down the back, that one
ever sees a lady's head inside it. However,
there can be no doubt as to the peculiarity of
the hats hanging on the eleven pegs in the
Sacred College above mentioned. Depend upon
it, the "vacancy" consists in the fact of each
of them covering a caput mortuum.
DRAWING-ROOM THOUGHTS.
By a Waiter who has moved in the First Circles.
A Full heart is as difficult to carry as a full
cup—the least thing upsets it.
Characters, like pipes, get blacker the oftener
they are smoked.
The more polished a person's mind, the more
susceptible it is to the warmth of friendly
impressions, like a well-kept mahogany table,
whose bright surface is marked instantly with
any dish that is placed upon it hot.
Many friends, like cards, are flung down
upon the ground, as soon as those, who have
been playing with them, have got all they cared
out of them.
BALLADS FOR THE BARRACK-ROOM.
No. 1.
Air—" Hie British Grenadiers."
Some talk of Alexander and some of Hercules,
And try to raise our dander by vaunting names like these ;
But for facing death and danger where's the hero can compare,
As we know, now now, now now, now now, with the British Grenadier.
Chorus. But for facing death and danger, &c.
'Tis not for his defiance of steel or cannon ball,
For guarding of the trenches, or scaling of the wall,
But for living in his barracks, and breathing without fear,
The air, that now, now now, now now, kills the British Grenadier.
Chorus. But for living in their barracks, &c.
There 'a Frowst the God of Fever, beats Mars the God of War,
Carbonic acid's worse to face than Gunpowder by far ;
Common Lodging-House Inspectors, though used to atmospheres,
May sniff with admiration the British Grenadier's.
Chorus. Common Lodging-House Inspectors, &c.
He rarely is commanded to storm the palisades,
But weekly comes guard-mounting as reg'lar as parades,
When he stews in his damp great coat, of consumption has no fears,
That takes toll now now, now now, now now, of the British Grenadiers.
Chorus. When he stews in his damp great coat, &c.
And when parade is over they to the tap repair,
Where atleast.they've fire and candle, and elbow-room to spare,
Whereas in their dark barrack-room they 're packed like slaves in tiers,
Little room they allow, allow, allow, to the British Grenadiers.
Chorus. Whereas in their dark barrack-room, &c.
Then let as fill a bumper, and drink a health to those,
Who fix the soldier's rations and plan the soldier's clothes.
Could they wear stock and shako, and eat boiled beef all their years.
What a row we'd have now, now now, now now, 'bout the British
Grenadiers.
Chorus. Could they wear stock and shako, &c.
ITALIAN WAREHOUSEMEN.
The French and the Austrians are the largest Italian Warehousemen
of the present day. Between them, they keep the Cardinals and all the
Clergy going to the number of many thousands. Their great Ware-
house is at Rome. The Pope consents to serve for them. _ I'he Vatican
is the great depot where he transacts the enormous business of this
joint concern; but there are ecclesiastical agencies established in all
the principal towns of Europe, besides commercial travellers, in the
shape of Jesuits, who are travelling about everywhere, even into the
remotest parts of England, at all periods of the year. So enormous
are the ramifications of this large Italian warehouse that it requires
the presence of something like 50,000 troops to keep it together in the
Eternal City. The cure of souls alone keeps constantly employed a
tremendous number of hands. The great expeditionnaire for England
is Cardinal Wiseman. He is the long established Roman Catholic
Picetord for the United Kingdom, who has ample means at his
disposal for sending persons to Rome at the shortest notice and the
smallest possible expense. There are smaller agencies iu Belgravia,
Brighton, Exeter, and other places where Puseyism is beginning to
spread, but their influence is rather feeble.
A Fault at any Rate.
The Bank of England, estimated as to value at £1,000,000 a-year,
pays not more than £72 poor rate. The Apothecaries' Hall pays £231,
This inequality only substantiates the old saw, that those who can
afford to pay the most, generally get off by contributing the least.
However, it is best to take a charitable view of the case, and not ^o be
too hard upon the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street. L°t us suppose
that she would have paid as much as Apothecaries' Hall, if the assess-
ment had only been made at a time when money happened to be " a
drug " in the market.
A New Political Point.
Mr. E. T. Smith, the Lessee of Drury Lane Theatre, and the un-
successful candidate for Bedford and Bridport at the last election, has
declared his intention of not again coming forward until Parliament
shall have passed a measure allowing of Vote by Ballet.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[February 27, 1858.
THE RIGHT MEN IN THE EIGHT PLACE, viz., a Club Window.
Old General Muddle. " What, I sat, is—is—Eh? What? By Jove! What the dooce should
Civilians Know about—Eh? What—ahem !—Military Affairs ! Affairs! Eh?"
Colonel Splutter. " Hah ! The Press, Sir ! By Jove, the Press is the Corse of the
Country, and will be the Ruin of the Army ! By Jove, I'd Hang all Littery Men—
Hang 'em, Sir!"
ROMAN VACANCIES.
The subjoined is worth reprinting, for the
sake of otir comments upon it:—
" A. letter from Rome, of the 6th, says: 'Cardinal
Fieschi died last night. His death makes the number of
vacant hats in the Sacred College eleven.'"
Does the vacancy of a hat consist in the
emptiness of the head that is inside it, because
if so, we need not go to Home to gaze on a like
vacancy. Walk down Pall Mall, or St. James's
Street, at the hour when the empty swells come
out thickest, and you will see vacant hats by the
dozen. By the bye, if there are vacant hats, we
suppose there are also vacant bonnets ? The
vacancy is not at all improbable, inasmuch as it
is quite a rarity, from the present fashion of
wearing the bonnet down the back, that one
ever sees a lady's head inside it. However,
there can be no doubt as to the peculiarity of
the hats hanging on the eleven pegs in the
Sacred College above mentioned. Depend upon
it, the "vacancy" consists in the fact of each
of them covering a caput mortuum.
DRAWING-ROOM THOUGHTS.
By a Waiter who has moved in the First Circles.
A Full heart is as difficult to carry as a full
cup—the least thing upsets it.
Characters, like pipes, get blacker the oftener
they are smoked.
The more polished a person's mind, the more
susceptible it is to the warmth of friendly
impressions, like a well-kept mahogany table,
whose bright surface is marked instantly with
any dish that is placed upon it hot.
Many friends, like cards, are flung down
upon the ground, as soon as those, who have
been playing with them, have got all they cared
out of them.
BALLADS FOR THE BARRACK-ROOM.
No. 1.
Air—" Hie British Grenadiers."
Some talk of Alexander and some of Hercules,
And try to raise our dander by vaunting names like these ;
But for facing death and danger where's the hero can compare,
As we know, now now, now now, now now, with the British Grenadier.
Chorus. But for facing death and danger, &c.
'Tis not for his defiance of steel or cannon ball,
For guarding of the trenches, or scaling of the wall,
But for living in his barracks, and breathing without fear,
The air, that now, now now, now now, kills the British Grenadier.
Chorus. But for living in their barracks, &c.
There 'a Frowst the God of Fever, beats Mars the God of War,
Carbonic acid's worse to face than Gunpowder by far ;
Common Lodging-House Inspectors, though used to atmospheres,
May sniff with admiration the British Grenadier's.
Chorus. Common Lodging-House Inspectors, &c.
He rarely is commanded to storm the palisades,
But weekly comes guard-mounting as reg'lar as parades,
When he stews in his damp great coat, of consumption has no fears,
That takes toll now now, now now, now now, of the British Grenadiers.
Chorus. When he stews in his damp great coat, &c.
And when parade is over they to the tap repair,
Where atleast.they've fire and candle, and elbow-room to spare,
Whereas in their dark barrack-room they 're packed like slaves in tiers,
Little room they allow, allow, allow, to the British Grenadiers.
Chorus. Whereas in their dark barrack-room, &c.
Then let as fill a bumper, and drink a health to those,
Who fix the soldier's rations and plan the soldier's clothes.
Could they wear stock and shako, and eat boiled beef all their years.
What a row we'd have now, now now, now now, 'bout the British
Grenadiers.
Chorus. Could they wear stock and shako, &c.
ITALIAN WAREHOUSEMEN.
The French and the Austrians are the largest Italian Warehousemen
of the present day. Between them, they keep the Cardinals and all the
Clergy going to the number of many thousands. Their great Ware-
house is at Rome. The Pope consents to serve for them. _ I'he Vatican
is the great depot where he transacts the enormous business of this
joint concern; but there are ecclesiastical agencies established in all
the principal towns of Europe, besides commercial travellers, in the
shape of Jesuits, who are travelling about everywhere, even into the
remotest parts of England, at all periods of the year. So enormous
are the ramifications of this large Italian warehouse that it requires
the presence of something like 50,000 troops to keep it together in the
Eternal City. The cure of souls alone keeps constantly employed a
tremendous number of hands. The great expeditionnaire for England
is Cardinal Wiseman. He is the long established Roman Catholic
Picetord for the United Kingdom, who has ample means at his
disposal for sending persons to Rome at the shortest notice and the
smallest possible expense. There are smaller agencies iu Belgravia,
Brighton, Exeter, and other places where Puseyism is beginning to
spread, but their influence is rather feeble.
A Fault at any Rate.
The Bank of England, estimated as to value at £1,000,000 a-year,
pays not more than £72 poor rate. The Apothecaries' Hall pays £231,
This inequality only substantiates the old saw, that those who can
afford to pay the most, generally get off by contributing the least.
However, it is best to take a charitable view of the case, and not ^o be
too hard upon the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street. L°t us suppose
that she would have paid as much as Apothecaries' Hall, if the assess-
ment had only been made at a time when money happened to be " a
drug " in the market.
A New Political Point.
Mr. E. T. Smith, the Lessee of Drury Lane Theatre, and the un-
successful candidate for Bedford and Bridport at the last election, has
declared his intention of not again coming forward until Parliament
shall have passed a measure allowing of Vote by Ballet.