Punch (34.1858)

94

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 6, 1858.

will ever need support from him: still, in all their calculations of their probable expenses,
prudent folks should always leave a margin for contingencies. Besides, it's anything hut filial
to live entirely to oneself, and leave off seeing one's relations, as though one were a hermit.
" With this hint, Mr. Punch, to all intending frugal marriers, I beg to subscribe myself,

" Yours humbly but sincerely,

" Martha Tomkxns, nee Cadger."

" P.S. Pray don't think I'm writing from an interested motive. My son-in-law is ' happy '
upon something more substantial than £300 a-year, and, thank goodness! it's not likely I
shall ever be a burthen to him.

" P.S. I date this from my dear daughter's residence, where 1 may perhaps remain anotuer
jay or two."

MR. JONES'S MOTHER-IN-LAW COMES TO " SPEND A WEEK" WITH HIM.

WONDERFUL RECOVERY OE A
VOICE.

The extinction of the Palmerston cabinet
was followed by one great advantage. No sooner
were the Pammites turned out than Mr. Bernal
Osborne, who had been dumb for the last three
years, recovered all of a sudden the use of his
voice. It is discovered that, not only can he
speak, but he can discourse for at least five
minutes consecutively, and that his speechifying,
thus miraculously restored, has lost none of its
old fire or stinging personality. It is said that
Mr. Bernal Osborne intends making a free
use of his newly-acquired powers as soon as
Parliament meets. We are sure that, if he does
make the attempt, the greatest curiosity will be
excited to discover if his voice in Parliament
is still able to exercise any of its former
influence.

SPORTING INTELLIGENCE.

(Latest.)

THE DERBY.

8 to 1 agst. Lord Derby's Continuance.

9 to 1 — Mr. Disraeli's Sincerity (taken).
20 to 1 — Sir F. Kelly's Applepips.-

30 to 1 — Lord J. Manners's Poetry (taken),

40 to 1 — Lord G. Hamilton's Gesticulation.

50 to 1 — Lord Stanley's Co-operation.

100 to 1 — Mr. Disraeli's Budget.

200 to 1 — Lord Ellenborough's Docility (taken).

300 to 1 — Lord Malmesbury's Humble Pie (tku.)

400 to 1 — General Peel's Carpet Soldier.

500 to 1 — Lord Eglinton's Flummery.

225 to 50 — Lord Ellenborough's Docility and Lord
Derby's Dictation, coupled (taken).

A Joke in Chancery.

Our Gentlemanly friend, Thesiger, has been
so long and so patiently waiting for his elevation
to the woolsack, that a mild joker of our ac-
quaintance suggests that the title he should have
selected ought to have been Baron Luck-now.

A Learned Pig Protests against the
Charge oe Greediness Thus :—" What I
choose to eat, is snout to nobody."

THE LORD AND THE LION.

All Lords who play with Lions, be warned by the fate of Palmerston,
The most dexterous Lion-tamer, p'raps, that was ever heard or read of;
Yet a time came when the Lion wouldn't listen to the charmer's
tone,

So from his Lordship's fate, Lion-tamers, take example :

And remember Lions for heads as well as humbug have their swallows :

And that the lesson may have an influence wide and ample,

.Mr. Punch begs leave to record it in the epitaph which follows ;—

f£pttapf)«

And, his Lordship's head being in his mouth, wagged his tail, and bit ! m nun

+ ho Loarl rvff Cl Oil f AM !

the head off.

Yet his Lordship had drugged the animal with diplomatic chloroform,
Till he crouched at a Downing Street door,—" omne ignotum pro
magnifico ; "

Would perform the musket drill, or sit on his haunches and roar
"Reform,"

Or fetch and carry, when bid, for a snob, even, like Pacifico.

His Lordship stroked him down and flattered him up, till vain as
A dowager's pug, he took to papillottes, and hair, and nail-brushes ;
And while he wore round his neck a placard with " Civis Ponianus,"
He let Neapolitan organ-boys grin within an inch of his tushes.

His Lordship seems to have flattered himself he could play on the

animal's feelings,
But the melancholy event proves his Lordship was mistaken ;—
That the British Lion was good for more than to frighten He-rats into

squealings,

Or to bully Commissioner Yeh into saving his Chinese bacon.

His Lordship committed the error of believing that fable in Pliny,
That the Lion fears a Cock's crowing—however Pliny received it—
Whereas he has shown he regards the sound no more than a donkey's
whinney,

And resents the insulting belief, by flooring the man who believed it.

HE DIED OP ATTEMPTING TO TRY ON
TOO HARD WITH THE BRITISH LION.

AND HAVING PUT HIS HEAD RATHER-

OR, IN FACT, CONSIDERABLY, FARTHER
THAN HE COULD DRAW IT BACK,
HAD IT SNAPPED OFF IN A CRACK !
A PROOF THAT AN EMP'ROR's ALLIANCE
ISN'T ALWAYS THE SAME AS A LION'S.

HE FELL, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1858.
R. I. p.

A Hint to Louis.

.Napoleon complimentarily declared that the French Police was the
worst in Europe. Suppose that now, he makes trial of another kind ?
We should like to see the Emperor adopt the system of honesty, for
he may be sure that after all, " Honesty is the best Polic(e)y."

The Right Word.—A spade is very properly called a spade; but
a soldier's dinner is with greater propriety styled a mess.