Punch (34.1858)

206

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[May 22, 1858.

A DOMESTIC EXTRAVAGANZA.

Mamma. " Why, good gracious, Nurse ! What's the matter with Adolphus 1
He looks very odd!"

Nurse. " And well he may, Mum ! for he thought the Coloured Balls in
Miss Charlotte's new Game op Solitaire was bull's eyes, and he's swallowed
ever so many of *em ! "

INTS ABOUT OSSES.

(by a disciple of mr. rarey.)

Of all the rare birds * as ever I see
This here Rarey's the rarest and rummest to me;
Fur the wiciousest oss he '11 tame in a crack,
And afore you can wink ull be safe on is back.

There was Cruiser, a brute as no one dare ride,
Till this bold Muster Rarey he come and he tried:
Well, in less than a jiffy, I tells you no flam,
There was wild Cruiser as tame as a lamb.

Yet he used not no drug, nor no phizzical force,
Sich as bludgeons and pitchforks, in taming the orse:
'Twas by kindness alone he the mastery gained,
Which it tizzent so osses is us'ally trained.

Mr. R. to their 'fections he makes his appeal,
And says he—but his secret I mustn't reweal:
Fur I've guv him my Honner I wouldn't let out it,
But mind yer, there aint not no gammon about it.

Muster Rarey he says, which his saying is true,
'Taint o' no use your beatin' a oss black and blue :
With a pitchfork you drives out ill natur in wain,t
Fur a month or two ence ull be wicious again.

But although for his wice, mind yer, noggin's no cure,
That you beats out his sperrit is ekally sure ;
Vy, a unter ull soon be a broken down ack,
Hif a broomstick a day is broke over is back.

So I'd say to you Cards as ave osses to break,
Out o' Mr. R.'s book this here leaf you'd best tafce:
Stead o' breakin' try bendin', use kindness for kicks,
And you'll soon rid your hoss of his viciousest tricks.

And I'd say to you gemmen—Look arter your grooms,
And just keep in their places your pitchforks and brooms;
Fur asses, may be, them there argiments suits,
But osses, you see, they's more reas'nabler brutes

So mind yer, I says it to poor and to rich,

As your osses is Christians vy treat 'em as sich;

For depend on't it's true, both with man and with orse,

That persuasion is better than fizzical force.

Notes by our uncommonly Classical Compositor :—
* Rarey avis in terris.—Eton Latin Grammar.
t Naturam expellas furcS, tamen usque recurret.—Juvenal.

EXETER HALL EXPENDITURE.

The Society for the Promotion of Christianity among the Jews held
what they called—without intending any pun—a Jubilee meeting the
other day, the Earl of Shaftesbury in the chair. Its gross receipts,
exclusive of the Jubilee fund, were stated at £31,368, its expenditure
at £35,150, and the amount of its Jubilee fund on the 31st of March
last at £1,018. One numerical statement of a most interesting nature
was not given, or, at least, not reported ; that is to say, the number of
Jews converted by the expenditure of all that money. How many
converted Israelites have the Society to show for an expenditure of
above £31,000 ? Till this question is answered, those who are willing to
subscribe for the conversion of the children of Israel, had better apply
their money to some other benevolent purpose, or keep it in their
pockets, or spend it.

The Religious Tract Society met, the same evening, at Exeter Hall.
During the past year it had issued 13,018,484 tracts ; circulated
10,909,820 periodicals, and granted to libraries, abroad and at home,
£3576 4s. %d. It had received, during the year by sales, £75,851; by
benevolent fund, £12,874. During the last 59 years it had circulated
tracts and books to the amount of 782,000,000. It may not be fair to
call on this Society to show what good it has done ; thi3 is not easy to
demonstrate, unless a great general improvement of morality may be
said to have lately taken place, and having taken place, to be ascribable
to the tracts issued by the Society.

However, as to the number of tracts which the Society has distri-
buted, it must be recollected that not everybody who accepts a tract
accepts it to read it. Some will even use such a present to light pipes
and cigars with. Nevertheless, much good, no doubt, has been done
by the Tract Society, for of the enormous number of the periodicals
which it has circulated, the greater portion has, no doubt, consisted of
copies of a publication which modesty forbids us to name !

THE DERBY.

{from the Racing Times.)

It is exceedingly to be regretted, that some principle cannot be
adopted by which the system of false starts, so injurious to fair running,
might be put an end to. In the great Derby race, the well-known and
dashing jockey, Geoffrey, made at least half-a-dozen false starts with
Administration, thus deranging all the calculations of his friends, and
spoiling the animal's chance of living the severe pace required of him.
All sorts of stories are about, some attributing these casualties to the
wilful carelessness of the jockey, who, provided he can ride a flashy,
showy race, cares little through what mud he takes his beast, or how
he disables him for future work, while some attribute the mishap to
an Indian jockey, who ran out of the course, and ultimately brought
Administration to grief. That the jockey was kicked from the place
by Geoffrey, who was apparently in a great rage, gives some colour
to this rumour, but Ben, who rode in the same race, is very bitter
against Geoffrey, and' swears never to ride again with any one who
has so little regard for his fellows, at which Geoffrey " laughs con-
sumedly." Let them laugh that win, say we.

Dying for One's Country.

Nearly as much as £4,000,000 have been spent on soldiers' barracks,
and yet they are but little better than human pig-styes. We suppose
the grant is not sufficient, for the mortality amongst them is almost
as great as that of an engagement. The French understand military
defences better than this. Louis Napoleon would not allow his
braces to drop down in this cruel way, falling martyrs to the weakness
of a barricade {barrack-aid).