Punch (34.1858)

234

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 12, 1858.

known that at this moment our land is without a Prince Consort,
the illustrious Field Marshal having gone to Berlin to see his daughter,
Mr. Punch's pet. In H. R. H.'s absence, the Ministers hurry down
to the House, and announce that they have given up the idea of taking
the National Gallery to Kensington Gore, and that the Royal Com-
missioners are to pay back the £180,000 advanced by the Government,
and keep the land to themselves. Mr. Punch, whose admiration for
the F. M. and all his plans amounts almost to fatuity, cannot trust
himself with remarks upon such an act, and, with a blush of shame
and indignation, dashes down the pen that has reluctantly recorded it.

Artist. " 'Ere is wun of Myself, yer see, Miss; and I '11 warrant yer
a equally 'appy Likeness, Miss."

THE PET OF THE PROVINCES.

Oh, and have you heard how at the dinner at Slough great Dizzy, the
king of debatives,

His own trumpet did blow, and did draw the long bow, and did try to

astonish the natives :
How this prince of all charmers enchanted the farmers, and roused

them to braying and cheering,
And by soothing their fears he pleased their long ears, and obtained

for himself a long hearing :
Said he'd crushed all cabals, showed how Pam and his pals a peg or

two down had been taken,
And with coolest effrontery, spoke of saving the country, when he

scarcely had saved his own bacon :
Proved, in short, that the nation, by his dispensation, had been in all

trials a winner,

And said bigger things yet—but we mustn't forget that his statements

were made after dinner.
With the help of the Times, Punch will give in few rhymes an account

of this mild Dizzypation,
And beginning the story from th' fflisir d'Amore will report the State

Quack's grand oration:—

" Udite rustici! List ye rustics, I'll teach ye without any ha'ing or
humming,

What battles I've won and what wonders I've done, now the Office
pie I 'ye put my thumb in;

1 've small wish to boast, but in drinking the toast which your Chair-
man so nicely has buttered,

You have done the right thing, and due credit I bring to the senti-
ments he has just uttered:

In wishing me health you wish yourselves wealth, which you '11 get if

of Place I'm a holder ;
I've done a great deal for the rustical weal— {aside)—tho' I will not

say over which shoulder ;
'Tis for you I've been fagging, and without any bragging, I've worked

like a brick, and I '11 show it:
For the country I've slaved, and the country I've saved— (aside)—

tho' the country perhaps doesn't know it.

" You remember, no doubt, that when Pam was kicked out, but one
way to act was before me,
To keep out a dunce, I took office at once—at least my Lord Derb?
did for m/3.

Well, I don't mean to boast, but what followed was most satisfactory,
if not surprising,

For the very next day we heard low people say, why blest if the Funds
are not rising!

Then let me remind you, tho' I can't think to find you to a fact so

undoubted are strangers,
That the national case, when we came into Place, was encompassed

with perils and dangers ;
You'11 remember, I'11 think, England stood on the blink of a split

with some half-dozen Powers,
And the question before us of peace or of war was one not of days but

of hours.

In a money way too things looked rather blue, 'twas what's called a

' financial embarrassment;'
It was frightening the cits nearly out cf their wits, and had been to

great Pam a great harassment.

" Well, when once we were In we went in to win, tho' in votes we

were vastly outmetalled,
And at home and abroad we've our enemies floored, and each trouble

triumphantly sett ed.
We've kept peace with France— {aside)—tho' of rupture the chance is

still p'raps within contemplation :
And we've freed Watts and Park— {aside)—tho' we're still in the

dark as to how to obtain compensation.
It will not beseem me to boast of the scheme, as simple as it was

successful,

Our finance which relieved, and was so well received: of its praises
you've seen the whole Press full:

The chief block in our way was to raise funds to pay some Bills which
were then falling due all,

But to pay seemed absurd what might well be deferred, so for ' pay-
ment ' we voted ' renewal:'

As chef of accounts I made the amounts very easily look nice and
pleasant,

For as 'tisn't quite clear we 're in office next year, 'tis enough to

provide for the present.
Thinking persons like you will give praise where it's due ; and believe

me I've no thought of fudging it,
But 'tis readily shown, as my colleagues must own, that my Budget

has saved them from budging it.

" Then what triumph can match our famed India Despatch, as a

measure well-timed and judicious !
Tho' by some our neat planning to get rid of Lord Cahnins less

official was thought than officious.
We fancied, you see, that haply if we about Mercy some clap-trap

could get up,

The support we might gain of the Manchester men, and to vote against

Pam bring their set up.
So the course we thought best was to feign to protest, and then cancel

our sham protestation,
And sure nothing could be more straightforward and free from the

charge of ' unwise vacillation,'
Thus we made it all right with our worthy Friend Bright, and secured

the Peace Party's alliance,
And though Card well and Pam detected the sham, we set their Cabal

at defiance.

" Now, the past having shown, it remains to be known—though I
fear on your time I'm presuming—
What glorious deeds, if your Dizzy succeeds, are (perhaps) in futurity
looming.

Mind, I'm not here to-night to attempt to affright: I never was one
of th' alarmers :

But I'd simply suggest, that support me you'd best, or 'twill soon be

all up with you farmers !
You may safely depend, that while Dizzy your friend is in office he 1!

never neglect you; , .

But, I make no vain fuss, you have no one but us, the Protectionists,

left to protect you.
The Press say we 're weak: but, altho' I would speak of the Press

with all due admiration, . .

Leading organs so long viewed as stalwart and strong, are the victims

of planned enervation;