DOI issue:
January 11, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0020
12
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 11, 18t>2.
MYSTERY AND MUSIC.
incerely do many
sober-minded persons
regret that young
ladies now are sadly
quick at catching;
slang expressions, and
very frequently use
language that would
far more fitly emanate
jf If from the mouths of
gents and fast men
than well-e ducated
H girls. That this love
of slang extends to
ladies in professional
as well as private life,
the following adver-
tisement abundantly
will prove
\}KS. STENTORR,
-1VJL Historical Singer,
not only appeared at the
SHAKSPEARE MUSIC
HALL, Ginborough, on
the 29th of October, as
was stated, but made her-
self at once a successful
Ticket of that Establish-
ment. She met with the
warmest reception in the
Establishment, and ap-
pears in her turn with
satisfaction to her audi-
ence and Proprietor. Those wishing a Novelty and a Ticket for Christmas apply
at once to the Ticket, and not the Card. At liberty on the 23rd of December. Ad-
dress as above.
One would almost think the slave trade were flourishing among us
when one finds a lady vocalist talk of her “proprietor ; ” and when she
calls herself a “ticket,” one inclines almost to view it as another name
for “ chattel,” which she holds herself to be. What on earth she
means by telling those who “ wish a Novelty ” to apply to “ the Ticket
and not the Card,” we reluctantly must own our inability to guess.
We say reluctantly, because one’s self-esteem is somewhat lowered
when one meets with any problem that one’s intellect can’t solve.
What constitutes a “ticket,” and in what respects a “ticket” differs
from a “ card,” are questions which to some people may seem quite
unimportant; but while they are unanswered, they clearly are in some
measure raised into significance by having puzzled even Punch.
WHO IS AN AMERICAN ?
Simple as it may seem, this question, we confess, has perplexed us
much of late. It has been hard to escape talking about Transatlantic
matters, and it has been harder, when so doing, to avoid saying a word
or two of either blame or ridicule, much as one may try to keep aloof
from both. But whenever one has happened to find fault with the
misconduct of American affairs, one has been told “ Oh, but you know
that it’s no fault of the Americans.” “It’s those confounded Irish,”
or “ those infernal Germans ” who have done the mischief; or else it’s
“ the Rowdies,” or “ the Bhoys ” who are to blame for it. But as for
the Americans, they have had no hand in it. Whatever may have
chanced amiss has been no fault of theirs. If their Government be
governed by uncrowned King Mob, his Majesty is not of true American
extraction. The Mob is of mixed breed, partly Irish, partly German,
partly anything you please, excepting aught that can be anyhow
regarded as American.
Who then are Americans ? And if they exist, why don’t they inter-
fere to save the good name of their nation ? The country that is
boastedly the most free and most republican, is now most under the
despotism of a tyrannous democracy, composed, it is alleged, of aliens
and emigrants, who are no more real Americans than the Turks are
Portuguese. The Rowdies, it is true, are living in America, and have
most of them been bom there : Still one must on no account regard
them as Americans. They are virtually the rulers of America, may be ;
and while they are so, the Americans are a really enslaved people,
governed by the Rowdies, whom nevertheless they make no effort to
dethrone.
This at least is the conclusion that one is forced to come to, if one
believes there are such people as genuine Americans, neither Irish,
Brench, nor Germans, but Americans pur sang. Their existence must
however be considered somewhat doubtful, and we ourselves incline to
place them in the list of extinct races, rather than submit to the alter-
native of viewing them as slaves under the dominion of the Rowdies
and the Roughs.
i
THE DEBATES ON THE GRAND REMONSTRANCE.
DECEMBER, 1861, and JANUARY, 1862.
WITH AN INTRODUCTORY ESSAY ON AN ENGLISHMAN’S FREEDOM
UNDER CONJUGAL, FILIAL, AND MENIAL SOVEREIGNTY.
BY MR. PUNCH.
INTRODUCTORY ESSAY.
An Englishman has no Freedom under the Sovereignty above mentioned.
THE DEBATES.
Paterfamilias at Breakfast. Present: Mrs. Paterfamilias, and
various Olive Branches. The Times Newspaper. Maid in waiting.
Paterfamilias. I tell you what it is, my dear. We spend a great
deal too much money. Here’s a deficit in the Revenue and-
Mrs. Paterfamilias. Take your coffee, dear.
P. There’s a deficit in the revenue-
Master Jacky. And a fly in the milk-jug.
P. Hold your tongue, Sir.
Master Jacky. But a fly now. Pa. It, ’s a zoological femoinenon, and
you ought to send it to the Gardens. ['Great laughter.
P. Will you hold your tongue, Sir.
Mrs. P. Don’t snub the child at Christinas, Pa.
P. I don’t, but he ought not to interrupt me. I was saying that
there is a deficit in the revenue—
Mrs. P. Well, if there is, I dare say Mr. Gladstone will take it
out—you are always saying that he is the cleverest man in the world.
Try that boiled haddock—it’s boiled, isn’t it, Sarah ?
Sarah. Yes, M’rn, at least I believe so. I think (innocently, of
course) cook’s cousin was telling her to boil it.
Mrs. P. [darkly). Cook’s cousin! [Expressing herself.) That will
do, Sarah, and shut the door after you.
[Exit Sarah, with a slight smile.
P. And we shall very likely be in a war with those Yankees.
Master Bob. And won’t we lick ’em handsome, yes, Sir-ree.
Mrs. P. Don’t talk so, Bob. You don’t know what wickedness all
war is. It means murder, and hatred, and sorrow, and I won’t have
you speak lightly about it—and don’t spill that egg over the cloth,
that’s a dear boy.
Master Bob. It’s only yellow, Ma, and that’s a pretty colour on
while.
Miss Laura. Nasty pig yon are. Yon learn those ways at school,
g.nd nothing else.
Master Bob. Don’t I, Miss. Hee! Parallelograms upon the same
base and between the same parallels are equal to one another, and
equal triangles upon equal bases in the same straight lines, and towards
the same parts, are between the same parallels, and I am equal to
another go of marmalade. Thank you, Miss Ignorance.
P. (not unapprovingly). I fear only an effort of memory, Bob, but ah
very well. I think I shall send you to a cheaper school, and closer,
where I can have you more under my eye.
Master Bob. No, no, Pa, that won’t do. I’m getting on uncommon,
and I couldn’t leave old Squail’s till I’ve licked Tom Slapper ; it
wouldn’t be the thing, you must see that for yourself. And I’m sure
Mrs. Squail looks after my manners as well as Ma could do.
P. The bills are very heavy, and if we ’re to have more Income-Tax,
it will be my duty to retrench expenses. In justice to your sisters, we
must regulate our outlay —
Three Girls. 0, Pa, never mind us, and pray don’t do anything to
bring that Plague home oftener than Christmas and Midsummer.
Master Bob. Your healths, young ladies. Vanum et mutabile semper
fosmina, as the immortal bard expresses it, and didn’t you say yesterday
that I was to come home at Easter ?
P. Some more sugar, Margaret.
Mi's. P. [helping him.) Extravagant man, you have had four lumps.
P. We must economise, I tell you. Girls, you ought to know music
enough by this time to do without Signor Pippolipopoli, and I shall
pay him off.
Miss Laura. And what are the little ones to do, Pa ?
P. You are to teach them, to be sure.
Master Jacky. 0, my eye ! [bursts into mock laughter.) Won’t there be
a slapping of backs and a boxing of ears, 0, no !
P. There will be something like it, Sir; if yon intrude vour non-
sense when I am speaking—eat this sardine for me, and hold your
tongue.
Mrs. P. My dear Charles, it’s out of the question. The Signor is
bringing the girls on famously, and you should have seen how cross
Mrs. Belton looked on Tuesday when their duet was played just alter
her own girls had made their unfortunate display.
P. [Pleased.) Was it so? Well—if—but we’ll see about it. What’s
the use of it all ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 11, 18t>2.
MYSTERY AND MUSIC.
incerely do many
sober-minded persons
regret that young
ladies now are sadly
quick at catching;
slang expressions, and
very frequently use
language that would
far more fitly emanate
jf If from the mouths of
gents and fast men
than well-e ducated
H girls. That this love
of slang extends to
ladies in professional
as well as private life,
the following adver-
tisement abundantly
will prove
\}KS. STENTORR,
-1VJL Historical Singer,
not only appeared at the
SHAKSPEARE MUSIC
HALL, Ginborough, on
the 29th of October, as
was stated, but made her-
self at once a successful
Ticket of that Establish-
ment. She met with the
warmest reception in the
Establishment, and ap-
pears in her turn with
satisfaction to her audi-
ence and Proprietor. Those wishing a Novelty and a Ticket for Christmas apply
at once to the Ticket, and not the Card. At liberty on the 23rd of December. Ad-
dress as above.
One would almost think the slave trade were flourishing among us
when one finds a lady vocalist talk of her “proprietor ; ” and when she
calls herself a “ticket,” one inclines almost to view it as another name
for “ chattel,” which she holds herself to be. What on earth she
means by telling those who “ wish a Novelty ” to apply to “ the Ticket
and not the Card,” we reluctantly must own our inability to guess.
We say reluctantly, because one’s self-esteem is somewhat lowered
when one meets with any problem that one’s intellect can’t solve.
What constitutes a “ticket,” and in what respects a “ticket” differs
from a “ card,” are questions which to some people may seem quite
unimportant; but while they are unanswered, they clearly are in some
measure raised into significance by having puzzled even Punch.
WHO IS AN AMERICAN ?
Simple as it may seem, this question, we confess, has perplexed us
much of late. It has been hard to escape talking about Transatlantic
matters, and it has been harder, when so doing, to avoid saying a word
or two of either blame or ridicule, much as one may try to keep aloof
from both. But whenever one has happened to find fault with the
misconduct of American affairs, one has been told “ Oh, but you know
that it’s no fault of the Americans.” “It’s those confounded Irish,”
or “ those infernal Germans ” who have done the mischief; or else it’s
“ the Rowdies,” or “ the Bhoys ” who are to blame for it. But as for
the Americans, they have had no hand in it. Whatever may have
chanced amiss has been no fault of theirs. If their Government be
governed by uncrowned King Mob, his Majesty is not of true American
extraction. The Mob is of mixed breed, partly Irish, partly German,
partly anything you please, excepting aught that can be anyhow
regarded as American.
Who then are Americans ? And if they exist, why don’t they inter-
fere to save the good name of their nation ? The country that is
boastedly the most free and most republican, is now most under the
despotism of a tyrannous democracy, composed, it is alleged, of aliens
and emigrants, who are no more real Americans than the Turks are
Portuguese. The Rowdies, it is true, are living in America, and have
most of them been bom there : Still one must on no account regard
them as Americans. They are virtually the rulers of America, may be ;
and while they are so, the Americans are a really enslaved people,
governed by the Rowdies, whom nevertheless they make no effort to
dethrone.
This at least is the conclusion that one is forced to come to, if one
believes there are such people as genuine Americans, neither Irish,
Brench, nor Germans, but Americans pur sang. Their existence must
however be considered somewhat doubtful, and we ourselves incline to
place them in the list of extinct races, rather than submit to the alter-
native of viewing them as slaves under the dominion of the Rowdies
and the Roughs.
i
THE DEBATES ON THE GRAND REMONSTRANCE.
DECEMBER, 1861, and JANUARY, 1862.
WITH AN INTRODUCTORY ESSAY ON AN ENGLISHMAN’S FREEDOM
UNDER CONJUGAL, FILIAL, AND MENIAL SOVEREIGNTY.
BY MR. PUNCH.
INTRODUCTORY ESSAY.
An Englishman has no Freedom under the Sovereignty above mentioned.
THE DEBATES.
Paterfamilias at Breakfast. Present: Mrs. Paterfamilias, and
various Olive Branches. The Times Newspaper. Maid in waiting.
Paterfamilias. I tell you what it is, my dear. We spend a great
deal too much money. Here’s a deficit in the Revenue and-
Mrs. Paterfamilias. Take your coffee, dear.
P. There’s a deficit in the revenue-
Master Jacky. And a fly in the milk-jug.
P. Hold your tongue, Sir.
Master Jacky. But a fly now. Pa. It, ’s a zoological femoinenon, and
you ought to send it to the Gardens. ['Great laughter.
P. Will you hold your tongue, Sir.
Mrs. P. Don’t snub the child at Christinas, Pa.
P. I don’t, but he ought not to interrupt me. I was saying that
there is a deficit in the revenue—
Mrs. P. Well, if there is, I dare say Mr. Gladstone will take it
out—you are always saying that he is the cleverest man in the world.
Try that boiled haddock—it’s boiled, isn’t it, Sarah ?
Sarah. Yes, M’rn, at least I believe so. I think (innocently, of
course) cook’s cousin was telling her to boil it.
Mrs. P. [darkly). Cook’s cousin! [Expressing herself.) That will
do, Sarah, and shut the door after you.
[Exit Sarah, with a slight smile.
P. And we shall very likely be in a war with those Yankees.
Master Bob. And won’t we lick ’em handsome, yes, Sir-ree.
Mrs. P. Don’t talk so, Bob. You don’t know what wickedness all
war is. It means murder, and hatred, and sorrow, and I won’t have
you speak lightly about it—and don’t spill that egg over the cloth,
that’s a dear boy.
Master Bob. It’s only yellow, Ma, and that’s a pretty colour on
while.
Miss Laura. Nasty pig yon are. Yon learn those ways at school,
g.nd nothing else.
Master Bob. Don’t I, Miss. Hee! Parallelograms upon the same
base and between the same parallels are equal to one another, and
equal triangles upon equal bases in the same straight lines, and towards
the same parts, are between the same parallels, and I am equal to
another go of marmalade. Thank you, Miss Ignorance.
P. (not unapprovingly). I fear only an effort of memory, Bob, but ah
very well. I think I shall send you to a cheaper school, and closer,
where I can have you more under my eye.
Master Bob. No, no, Pa, that won’t do. I’m getting on uncommon,
and I couldn’t leave old Squail’s till I’ve licked Tom Slapper ; it
wouldn’t be the thing, you must see that for yourself. And I’m sure
Mrs. Squail looks after my manners as well as Ma could do.
P. The bills are very heavy, and if we ’re to have more Income-Tax,
it will be my duty to retrench expenses. In justice to your sisters, we
must regulate our outlay —
Three Girls. 0, Pa, never mind us, and pray don’t do anything to
bring that Plague home oftener than Christmas and Midsummer.
Master Bob. Your healths, young ladies. Vanum et mutabile semper
fosmina, as the immortal bard expresses it, and didn’t you say yesterday
that I was to come home at Easter ?
P. Some more sugar, Margaret.
Mi's. P. [helping him.) Extravagant man, you have had four lumps.
P. We must economise, I tell you. Girls, you ought to know music
enough by this time to do without Signor Pippolipopoli, and I shall
pay him off.
Miss Laura. And what are the little ones to do, Pa ?
P. You are to teach them, to be sure.
Master Jacky. 0, my eye ! [bursts into mock laughter.) Won’t there be
a slapping of backs and a boxing of ears, 0, no !
P. There will be something like it, Sir; if yon intrude vour non-
sense when I am speaking—eat this sardine for me, and hold your
tongue.
Mrs. P. My dear Charles, it’s out of the question. The Signor is
bringing the girls on famously, and you should have seen how cross
Mrs. Belton looked on Tuesday when their duet was played just alter
her own girls had made their unfortunate display.
P. [Pleased.) Was it so? Well—if—but we’ll see about it. What’s
the use of it all ?