Punch (42.1862)

June 21. 1862.]

243

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

Driver. “ D’ljer hear, Jem ? Make them two full-growed uns sit forrard. I don't
want to get a Month for Cru'lty to AnimalsI”

I EDWIN AND EMMETT.

Citizen Edwin James has been delivering an address,
which, but for the trifling objection that every statement
in it is an impudently deliberate falsehood, would com-
pletely clear that individual’s character from all the charges
that induced him to transport himself. Among other
parallels, he likened himself to one Something Somebody
Emmett, of whom we never heard, and who seems, like
Edwin, to have been persecuted by the conventionalities.
There was, however, another Emmett, whose Christian
name was Robert, and whose ultimate fortune it is far
from impossible that Mr. Edwin James might have
attained, had he practised in England before certain altera-
tions in the laws affecting pecuniary transactions of a
one-sided kind. The respectable lawyers in America appear
to comprehend the character of the new citizen, but there
is a class which, according to the reports, does not seem to
be able to make him out. We refer them to the admirable
Dictionary of their compatriot, Noah Webster, for a
definition that will apply—they mil find it appended to the
word “ Skunk.”

A MILITARY MYSTERY.

What do you think
Of Colonel Bentinck
Being put on half-pay
In an underhand way
Without a Court Martial ?

It looks rather partial.

He’s shelved ere his time,
Unconvicted of crime,

And so wronged not slightly ;
Or he’s let off too lightly.
Doesn’t somebody wink
At Colonel Bentinck ?

French Literary Intelligence.

M. de St. Beuve has discovered an unpublished manu-
script of Robinson. Crusoe. He is going to publish it as a
pendant to his Causeries du Lundi, under the title of Les
Conversations de Vendredi.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT

June YMh. Thursday. Dr. Birch’s young friends reassembled after
the Whitsuntide recess, and just as the Arithmetic Class was going to be
called up, Master Corry begged leave to ask a question of one of the
ushers, Mr. Lord C. Paget. Master Corry said that the boys had
been laying out a great deal of pocket money in ships and boats, and
was getting on very well in navigation. But a very important thing
connected with ships were docks, and he put it to the usher who had
charge of them when they sailed their vessels, whether the school-work-
men ought not to be told to make some nice large docks, as they had
nothing at present but some puddles in which the new ships could not
turn round. Paget, the usher, answered that Master Corry had
spoken like a sensible and modest lad, and that the thing should be
considered, but he did not think there was much cause for complaint.
Master Laird said that at his friends’ place near Liverpool they had
beautiful docks, which had not cost much money. Some more boys
spoke and Master J. Pakington was rather rude, and said he did
not believe that the usher meant to do anything, which was a shame, lie
thought. However, as it was the first night, no notice was taken of
Master Pakington’s impertinence.

The Arithmetic Class was then called up, and according to the custom
at Dr. Birch’s, Geography questions were interspersed. Master E.
Baring gave a very nice account of Lasos, near the Gold Coast, and
told how Docemo, the King of Lagos, had been persuaded by the Eng-
lish, with the help of a few cannons, to give up his kingdom to the
good Queen Victoria, who was to pay him a thousand pounds every
year. It was quite right, though Master Baring did not understand
it, to take this little king’s power away, because he helped that wicked
savage, the King op Dahomey, to steal men and women and sell them,
which Docemo could not now do. Master Baring made rather a silly
remark about the Queen having just as good a reason for taking Cuba,
as if Cuba belonged to savages, and not to respectable persons who
could be made to answer for any wrong they did. Master Gregory
explained the case very well, and nearly all the boys thought that
Master Baring had learned his lesson well, but could not make a good
theme out of it. A great many sums were done, and would you believe

it, the boys sat up over the figures till half-past one in the morning ?
Master Osborne said something which he meant for fun, and added
that he meant to move, but Dr. Birch reproved him rather severely for
making jokes, and Master Osborne held his tongue.

Friday. Majora canamus. Our legislators were to-night engaged on
matter for grown-up men. General Butler, the Yankee leader who
has possession of New Orleans, has issued a proclamation to the effect
that any lady of that city who shall manifest contempt for a Federal
soldier “ shall be treated as if she were a harlot plying her avocation.”
Anything so brutal is not recorded in the history of any war in the Old
World or the New, and it will be difficult for the whole of Europe not
to feel itself in the position of the ladies of New Orleans, and to mani-
fest contempt for every Federal soldier until the proclamation is dis-
avowed and Butler dismissed. In both Houses of Parliament to-night
the Ministers of England, amid the cheers of the assemblies, spoke
with befitting indignation of the beast Butler, but left the Federal
Government a loophole by imagining a possibility of the repudiation of
the proclamation.

Lord Palmerston silenced the eternal Darby Grippith very
funnily. Darby had intended to speak about the Sultan and the
Pasha, and to explain that the first lived in Turkey, and had a Seraglio,
and went to the Sweet Waters, and to Mosques; while the second lived
in Egypt, through which the Nile ran, and where the Pyramids were,
and the Sphinx, also many donkey boys, with other novel and valuable
information collected by the said Griffith wdth. patient study and by
examination of travellers. But Pam told him that it would not be the
right thing to talk about Egypt while the Pasha was staying here. So
Darby shut up, and we hope that, hereafter, Pam will silence him again
by telling him that it is not the right thing to talk about Egypt when
the Pasha is not here to defend himself.

Then came a long and smart debate, in which most of the best men
engaged, and, as usual, the subject-matter was infinitesimal. One
Taylor, an English person, took the Island of Monte Christo, in order
to reside upon it with his wife, in isolation. All was pleasant enough
until the Italian outbreak came, and then Mr. Taylor got into a
double scrape. He had a row with some Tuscan soldiers, his wife scolded
them, and he gave one of them a shake or something of the kind,