Punch (42.1862)

May 31, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

213

UNPARDONABLE MISTAKE

Ignorant Flunkey (to Tomkins, who is about to leave his Carte de Visile). “ Re’lly,
we don’t want nothink o' the hind in your way, Young Man / ’'

A CROW FOR OURSELVES.

The Foreign World lias come over and had a look at
us, and has discovered that we can do nothing. France
says we can’t paint China. Italy says we can’t make music.
Rome says we can’t cut a statue. Spain says we can’t
grow olives. Portugal says we can’t mix port wine.
Switzerland says we can’t carve wood. America says we
can’t talk English. Bohemia says we can’t make coloured
glass. Turkey says we can’t embroider slippers. And every
other nation says we can’t do something or other that it can
do. To all of which Mr. Punch begs to answer, in his own
words, Very Likely, and, in the words of a deceased
Italian:—

“ Excudent alii spieantia mollius asra,

Tu REGERE IMPI5KIO POPULOS, ROMANE, MEMENTO,

H^: TIBI ERINT ARTES.’’

Which, literally translated, means, that while the rest, of
the world cooks, and paints, and fiddles, and carves, and
embroiders, and all the rest of it—

“ England, ’tis thine, alone with awful sway,

To Rule mankind, and Make the world Obey,
Disposing Peace and War thine own majestic way."

Roo — ey—too —ey—too - ey—too—ey—too—ey!

NOTES BY A HORRIDLY SATIRICAL CREATURE.

Women first resorted to tight-lacing, to prove to men
how well they could bear squeezing.

Time works wonders on the faces of Mrs. Tittyvate’s
friends; but Time never touches Mrs. T.

How beautiful is woman when adversity frowns upon her
sister. It is touching to behold the resignation with which
a woman sees her best friend compelled, by circumstances,
to put down the carriage, an l suppress her lady’s maid.

Widows’ Weeds are easily got rid of by planting a late
variety of the Seringa—perhaps better known as orange-
blossom.

Love at first sight often leads to marriage with the eyes
shut.

When I see a bee in the cup of an orange-blossom, he
reminds me of the dav when the confectioner called for his
bill for a certain wedding-breakfast.

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

May 19th, Monday. This is an odd world. The novel and profound
remark is suggested to Mr. Punch by a recollection that a short time
back, Syr Robert Peel stated that the scenes of yiolence at the last
Longford election (when Colonel White, who is going in for Kidder-
minster, was beaten by Major O’Reilly) were unparalleled, and that
Government meant to prosecute the rioters, and by hearing to-night
that the petition against Major O’Reilly’s return was withdrawn.

“ There's something in this world amiss
Shall be unriddled by-and-by.”

On the last stage of the Budget, Mr. Disraeli fired off a very heavy
gun at Lord Pam. It was loaded to the muzzle with all kinds of
missiles, and notably with charges of extravagance, jealousy of France,
ignorance of treaties, and other bon-bons. Also, lie was critical on
Lord Palmerston’s style of speaking, and said that he had no humour,
but a good deal of what was called in the last century, banter, and
was now called by a monosyllabic name, which the elegant Disraeli
would not utter. Mr. Punch supposes that he meant chaff. But if
Pam does deal in chaff, he falsities an old proverb by catching a great
many old birds. Needless to say that Pam returned the fire, pointed
out that the last Conservative Government had given the alarm and re-
constructed the fleet, and were right in doing so, and added that the
! present Government would continue doing what they thought right, but
j would economise when they had an opportunity. After a little more
| talking, there came a fresh exposure of the injustice by which the Income-
Tax is extorted by the surveyors, who are monarchs of all they survey,
i their levy no man can dispute, they don’t care a fig what you say, and
j treat you much worse than a brute. Then, the Budget Bill was passed.

Mr. White of London Super-Mare, promised to support Mr.

1 Disraeli, if he came in, and were economic, so that modern Radicalism
| has no principles, and looks only to questions of money.

Mr. Punch last week warned the Ministers that close shaving might
end in their cutting themselves, and though his advice was not published

until after the division he is going to mention, the moral is the same.
Mr. Gladstone moved the Second Reading of the British Museum Bill.
He proposed to turn the beasts out of Great Russell Street, and to
send them to Kensington, where for about £680,000 (much cheaper than
the thing could be done by enlarging the present place) they—that, is,
Nature/could be comfortably housed. Mr. Gregory opposed the Bill,
contending that the animals ought not to be sent away, and that sufficient
space could be obtained at the Museum. Mr. Monckton Milnes spoke
for the Bill, and begged that we would not so wrap up ourselves in
the Miserable Moment as to lose sight of the future. Lord Henry
Lennox had the modesty to say, that he would not put his opinion
against that of Professor Owen, which preternatural humility did him
honour. Digby Seymour of course talked clap-trap, Mr. Sclater
Booth made the sensible suggestion, that the Bill should be read a
Second Time, and the Government of the Museums should be divided.
Mr. Puller wanted to send away the sculptures, and Mr. Walpole
said that the Bill was a positive necessity. Our Cox was for—what, do
you think—yes, sending away the Books ! It is true, we never misre- j
present anybody, even a Cox. He wanted to send the Books and MSS.
to Kensington/ We wonder whether he would like to move the Read- I
ing Room also? Bravo, Cox. The Secretary at War supported the I
Bill, and hinted at the Regent’s Park as a good site, but said the offer
of the land at Kensington had turned the scale. Mr. Bernal Osborne
made fun of Professor Owen’s demand for space for whales, Colonel
Sykes desired that the working classes should be considered, and Lord
Palmerston argued that the proposal was an economical one, but he i
promised to give up the whales. A final grumble from Mr. Henley
brought on the division, and the Government were signally defeated, j
the numbers being 163 to 71, aud the Bill is lost.

This is a Governmental defeat, and in the old days might have
occasioned some little excitement on the Treasury benches, but in these
times we don’t trouble ourselves about Trifles. Ministers went on with
talk about shot-proof ships and Irish crime, as pleasantly as if nothing
had happened. Some Members thought that the increase of murder in
Ireland, and the assistance which the peasantry give to the assassins,
demanded more rapid justice than is at present dealt out.