Punch (42.1862)

March 15, 1862.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

101

Returned Artist (after a year or two’s study in Paris). “What enormous Hats yon, fellows wear in

England, now ! ”

THE WAY TO HO IT.

We can make an obeliskj
because we have got patterns
to go bj; if we had not, the
best thing that we could do to
commemorate by a monument
any hero, statesman, or other
public benefactor, would be to
stick up a sufficiently large
post to him, and call it after
him. The post might be kept
well tarred, so as to preserve
it, and the name of the person
in whose honour it was erected
could be painted upon it, and
repainted every now and then to
keep it fresh in our remem-
brance. But, as aforesaid, we
can make an obelisk; and more
than that, we can cast a tubular
bridge. Precedent requires an
obelisk to be a monolith, if it is
made of stone : but must it
necessarily consist of that ma-
terial? Why should we not
cast one in iron or bronze—
found an obelisk ten times
bigger than any other in the
world, and show the nations
what we can do in our own
line, when we turn our hands to
it as men of metal ?

APROPOS OP THE LITTLE ROW
IN GREECE.

“When Greek meets Greek
then does not come the tug of

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

March 3. Monday. Lord Cranworth, whose motto is Post nubila
j Phoebus, came out like Apollo from behind his cloud, and proceeded to
throw such light as he could upon the subject of Conveyancing Reform.
Phcebus Cranworth had his plan, which is to enable every person who
has the fee simple in land to get a declaration of his title to such fee
1 simple by paying a simple fee to the Court of Chancery. He then
shone out a second time, with a Bill for the Security of Purchasers, by
which, on the principle on which a Magistrate marks (not half often
enough) a cabman’s conviction on the back of his licence, it is enacted that
any dealing with the property shall be noted on the aforesaid Chancery
| declaration Then came Lord Chelmspord with his plan, which is to
] create a Landed Estates Court, to consist of eminent conveyancers, and
he also proposes a Registration, which of course he thinks is a better
one than that of Lord Westbury. The Chancellor did not coincide in
i that opinion, and castigated the two ex-Chancellors for endeavouring to
undermine his Bills while they puffed their own. Lord Kingsdown
j made, as usual, a sensible remark, condemning the system that paid a
conveyancer, not for the artistic skill he was called upon to exhibit, but
by the length of the deeds which he perpetrated. Finally, Six out of the
j Seven Bills on this subject were referred to a Select Committee. Lord
Punch feels that one of these days it will fall to his lot to settle this
j question, and he intends upon that occasion to follow the precedent of
the good and great Pantagruel, when he ended the controversy between
the two Lords, whose quarrel had occupied “ a rabble of old lawyers for
j six and forty weeks.” And he doubts not that the result of the deci-
] sion will be similar, and that “the counsellors and all the learned
doctors in the law will be so ravished with admiration at the more
j than human wisdom of Pantagruel-Puneh, as to fall into a trance and
j sudden ecstacy and to remain so for three hours, until revived with
! vinegar and rosewater.” However, let the Committee try its hand
first.

In the Commons the Church-Rate fight was postponed until the 14th
May, which is the anniversary of the Battle of Hexham, where, as Mu.
Cox rightly supposes, Hexameters were first used as weapons of
conflict. Mr. Layard stated that the Moors at Tangiers had, on
demand of the American Consul there, arrested two persons who had
landed from the Southern pirate vessel th& Sumter, and had let them go
again ; but the special object of the operation was not expounded.

French and feminine influences have upset the Baron Ricasoli, and
Signor Ratazzi is the Italian Premier. So, of course, it is the
business of journalists to show that the man who could not succeed in
keeping his place was unfit for it. As Punch, like true Thomas, suffers
(unfortunately for a good many persons) under a total inability to say
untrue things, he observes, on this passage of history, that Baron
Ricasoli is a perfectly honourable, proud, stern, impolite nobleman,
and just the personage to be insufferably objectionable in the circle
whence he has been extruded. But he will be wanted again when the
wind gets up.

Army matters were then discussed, and as Materfamilias may like to
have a figure or two to poke in the face of Paterfamilias, when, duly
instructed by his journal, he is pompous at breakfast about our “ mag-
nificent military establishments, my dear,” that lady, whose arith-
metic is so soimd—witness the way she checks those little red books,
and is down upon the dodgy tradesmen who make such accidental
mistakes in their own favour—should know this. Sir George Lewis,
one of the Queen’s Ministers, is the authority. We spend Seventy
Millions of Sovereigns every year. We pay Twenty-six of these Millions
for interest on the National Debt—Bank of England, you know, M’m,
Aunt’s dividends, smart stockbrokers, and all that—and then, M’m, the
Army, including the Militia, costs us Sixteen Millions, Two Hundred
and Fifteen Thousand Sovereigns every year. Did you ever see a pretty
penny, M’m, except the silver one which itty kiddlums wears on the
blue ribbon round her fat neck. If not, perhaps you will look at the
last-mentioned sum, and say whether you see the prettiness of that
penny. The House of Commons sees it, and voted 145,450 men to
spend a good deal of it in soldiering. And Mr. Punch is afraid that we
can’t do the work, and protect your teacups and geraniums from a
hostile world, for a less figure. Mr. White proposed to knock off Ten
Thousand men, but instead of causing a Retreat of the Ten Thousand, he
had to retreat himself, in a very dilapidated condition, at the hea,d of
select party of Eleven—who fled before an overwhelming force of 139.

A strong appeal was made in behalf of the Volunteers, for whom
some Government aid was asked, in consideration of the heavy expenses
they were obliged to incur. Mr. Buchanan, of Glasgow, declared that
unless Government did something speedily, there would be a large
diminution of the Volunteer force. Governments have often made
strange nautical blunders, but the worst they make is when, as loo
often is the case, they spoil a ship to save a liaporth of tar.