DOI issue:
June 7, 1862
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0231
June 7, 1862.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
223
Private and Landlord, to his Sergeant and Tenant, (aside). “Look here, Mr.
Slangham, if you come down upon me so sharp at drill, I’ll,-Mowed if I don't
raise your Rent / ”
OUR NOBLE SELVES!
All the world we invite to behold a grand sight
Of not only goods, chattels, and treasures,
But of law that’s obeyed because mended or made
By men who bring forward good measures.
Let them come then, and see what a people are we,
Steady-going, not headlong and skittish.
What a world this of ours would be, 0 foreign Powers,
If all nations behaved like the British !
See what liberal fellows we are, nowise jealous
Of our neighbours in business advancing ;
We deem it a blessing when they are progressing i
Contented, and merrily dancing.
If our customers flourish our commerce they nourish,
Which is good for a nation of traders,
Who keep up the forces that tax their resources,
But to guard the old shop from invaders.
This is Liberty Hall; no restriction at all
On the freedom of speaking and writing;
The result is that, say any fool what he may,
Foolish language occasions no fighting.
’Tis the easiest job to disperse any mob ;
Without being so much as pumped on
By a fire-engine hose, off the multitude goes.
Mind, Order reigns bloodless at Brompton.
Read, French friend, or German, a practical sermon.
Which your welfare will tend to increase, man,
Our Constables here behold how we revere;
The respect that we pay a Policeman.
We esteem the police for preserving the peace,
And for fence against plundering varlet;
And in just the same view as our heroes in blue,
We value our heroes in scarlet.
We hang, fight, and kill in despite of our will.
On compulsion by quite the same reasons;
War on us from without comes like deluge, or drought,
Or the blight and the plague of bad seasons.
Come, learn how to live, and the wrongs we ’ll forgive
That have loaded this peaceable nation
With a mountain of debt: do be quiet and let
Us, and you, all reduce our taxation.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
May 26. Monday. The Lords read the Budget Bill a Second time.
But this was only the torrent’s smoothness ere it dash below. Lord
Derby having, in some extraordinary way, become so horrified and
astonished at the condition of our Finances, that he felt it a duty to
Mr. Disraeli and others to expound his Lordship’s views and terrors.
That exposition was fixed for the following Friday. It is extremely
gratifying that a British nobleman should display so much conscien-
tiousness, and it speaks well for his single-minded nature that he would
not be deterred from doing his duty, by the consideration that the
Ministry is thought to be just now assailable elsewhere. He is quite
right, not to let chivalry over-ride conscience. We are sure that Mr.
Disraeli and others will agree with us.
Great numbers of petitions are presented to both Houses in favour of
a law which shall enable the majority in a parish to decide whether and
what the minority shall Drink. That is to say, such part of the
minority as do not keep well-stocked cellars. The sale of intoxicating
drinks, at public houses, is what the virtuous petitioners desire to pre-
vent. The Marquis of Punch sees no objection to such a law. His
butlers have every kind of wine, from Tokay to Beaujolais, in his vast
vaults, and he cannot understand why the lower orders want to go to
ublic-houses. They had much better drink water. However, if they
old a different opinion, they may as well look after these petitioners,
who are in earnest, and whose allies have been by no means powerless
in Scotland. By the way, most of such petitioners are Dissenters, and
are therefore consistent in carrying their Church Rate views into the
Tavern. Why not have an Act of Uniformity and Abstinence in one
—it would save printing ?
Good, kindly Robert Slaney has departed. He might have lived
for some years yet, to at! empt many humane things, but for an accident
arising from the negligence of some one who ought to have floored a
ortion of the International Building, and did not. A seat for Shrews-
ury is vacant, and the electors may find a showier representative, but
will not choose a more gentle-hearted gentleman. Let it be remembered,
too, in these days when ignorant savages are slaying our Small Birds’
that a quarter of a century back, Mr. Slaney condemned such bar-
barous folly. The new writ was moved to-night.
The Lord Advocate withdrew the Scottish Education Bill. Some-
body once asked an old woman, who had been expressing fervent admi-
ration of a sermon by Dr. Cualmers, whether she understood him.
“ Wad I hae had the presumption ? ” was the humble-minded old per-
son’s remonstrant reply. All Mr. Punch's virtues are resplendent but
if one is more blazing than another it is his humility, and he is inclined
to put himself in the place of the old Scottish lady in reference to the
Lord Advocate’s conduct. The only light he has been able to obtain
is from a clever article in the North British Daily Mail, which saith:—
“ The Lord Advocate must doubtless have sounded the depths. It may have
been that he had a dread of the Upper House. The aristocratic tendencies of that
punctilious body might have led them to view with distrust a measure interfering,
to any extent, with the influence of the landocracy of Scotland, while their latent
feeling for the Kirk might have been fanned into a flame by the apparent endea-
vour to sap the foundations of the present Presbyterial supervision.”
You may make what you like out of that, but it leaves with Mr.
Punch the idea (he having given and intending to give not the slightest
attention to the subject) that the Bill must have had some good in it.
Anyhow—fuit!
Highways on land and on sea occupied the Commons for the rest of
the evening—to their credit be it said, they worked in Committee till
nearly two o’clock, thus labouring to deserve the Derby holiday.
Tuesday. The Church had an innings. Lord Ebury proposes to do
away with that provision in the Act of Uniformity (we do not mean that
one which Little Bethel is trying to get, but that by which Charles
the Second thinned the Church), which requires that a clergyman, on
being put into a benefice, shall signify that he approves of the contents
of the Prayer Book. As usual with weak men, he exaggerated his case
largely, and laid himself open to the remonstrance of the Bishop of
London, and to the fiery castigation of the Bishop of Oxford, who
really went at him like a good one. If anybody is scandalised at this
familiar way of talking about a Bishop, which would of course be
highly objectionable among ordinary circumstances (no, Mr. Cox,
not “under” ordinary circumstances, for circumstances are things !
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
223
Private and Landlord, to his Sergeant and Tenant, (aside). “Look here, Mr.
Slangham, if you come down upon me so sharp at drill, I’ll,-Mowed if I don't
raise your Rent / ”
OUR NOBLE SELVES!
All the world we invite to behold a grand sight
Of not only goods, chattels, and treasures,
But of law that’s obeyed because mended or made
By men who bring forward good measures.
Let them come then, and see what a people are we,
Steady-going, not headlong and skittish.
What a world this of ours would be, 0 foreign Powers,
If all nations behaved like the British !
See what liberal fellows we are, nowise jealous
Of our neighbours in business advancing ;
We deem it a blessing when they are progressing i
Contented, and merrily dancing.
If our customers flourish our commerce they nourish,
Which is good for a nation of traders,
Who keep up the forces that tax their resources,
But to guard the old shop from invaders.
This is Liberty Hall; no restriction at all
On the freedom of speaking and writing;
The result is that, say any fool what he may,
Foolish language occasions no fighting.
’Tis the easiest job to disperse any mob ;
Without being so much as pumped on
By a fire-engine hose, off the multitude goes.
Mind, Order reigns bloodless at Brompton.
Read, French friend, or German, a practical sermon.
Which your welfare will tend to increase, man,
Our Constables here behold how we revere;
The respect that we pay a Policeman.
We esteem the police for preserving the peace,
And for fence against plundering varlet;
And in just the same view as our heroes in blue,
We value our heroes in scarlet.
We hang, fight, and kill in despite of our will.
On compulsion by quite the same reasons;
War on us from without comes like deluge, or drought,
Or the blight and the plague of bad seasons.
Come, learn how to live, and the wrongs we ’ll forgive
That have loaded this peaceable nation
With a mountain of debt: do be quiet and let
Us, and you, all reduce our taxation.
PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
May 26. Monday. The Lords read the Budget Bill a Second time.
But this was only the torrent’s smoothness ere it dash below. Lord
Derby having, in some extraordinary way, become so horrified and
astonished at the condition of our Finances, that he felt it a duty to
Mr. Disraeli and others to expound his Lordship’s views and terrors.
That exposition was fixed for the following Friday. It is extremely
gratifying that a British nobleman should display so much conscien-
tiousness, and it speaks well for his single-minded nature that he would
not be deterred from doing his duty, by the consideration that the
Ministry is thought to be just now assailable elsewhere. He is quite
right, not to let chivalry over-ride conscience. We are sure that Mr.
Disraeli and others will agree with us.
Great numbers of petitions are presented to both Houses in favour of
a law which shall enable the majority in a parish to decide whether and
what the minority shall Drink. That is to say, such part of the
minority as do not keep well-stocked cellars. The sale of intoxicating
drinks, at public houses, is what the virtuous petitioners desire to pre-
vent. The Marquis of Punch sees no objection to such a law. His
butlers have every kind of wine, from Tokay to Beaujolais, in his vast
vaults, and he cannot understand why the lower orders want to go to
ublic-houses. They had much better drink water. However, if they
old a different opinion, they may as well look after these petitioners,
who are in earnest, and whose allies have been by no means powerless
in Scotland. By the way, most of such petitioners are Dissenters, and
are therefore consistent in carrying their Church Rate views into the
Tavern. Why not have an Act of Uniformity and Abstinence in one
—it would save printing ?
Good, kindly Robert Slaney has departed. He might have lived
for some years yet, to at! empt many humane things, but for an accident
arising from the negligence of some one who ought to have floored a
ortion of the International Building, and did not. A seat for Shrews-
ury is vacant, and the electors may find a showier representative, but
will not choose a more gentle-hearted gentleman. Let it be remembered,
too, in these days when ignorant savages are slaying our Small Birds’
that a quarter of a century back, Mr. Slaney condemned such bar-
barous folly. The new writ was moved to-night.
The Lord Advocate withdrew the Scottish Education Bill. Some-
body once asked an old woman, who had been expressing fervent admi-
ration of a sermon by Dr. Cualmers, whether she understood him.
“ Wad I hae had the presumption ? ” was the humble-minded old per-
son’s remonstrant reply. All Mr. Punch's virtues are resplendent but
if one is more blazing than another it is his humility, and he is inclined
to put himself in the place of the old Scottish lady in reference to the
Lord Advocate’s conduct. The only light he has been able to obtain
is from a clever article in the North British Daily Mail, which saith:—
“ The Lord Advocate must doubtless have sounded the depths. It may have
been that he had a dread of the Upper House. The aristocratic tendencies of that
punctilious body might have led them to view with distrust a measure interfering,
to any extent, with the influence of the landocracy of Scotland, while their latent
feeling for the Kirk might have been fanned into a flame by the apparent endea-
vour to sap the foundations of the present Presbyterial supervision.”
You may make what you like out of that, but it leaves with Mr.
Punch the idea (he having given and intending to give not the slightest
attention to the subject) that the Bill must have had some good in it.
Anyhow—fuit!
Highways on land and on sea occupied the Commons for the rest of
the evening—to their credit be it said, they worked in Committee till
nearly two o’clock, thus labouring to deserve the Derby holiday.
Tuesday. The Church had an innings. Lord Ebury proposes to do
away with that provision in the Act of Uniformity (we do not mean that
one which Little Bethel is trying to get, but that by which Charles
the Second thinned the Church), which requires that a clergyman, on
being put into a benefice, shall signify that he approves of the contents
of the Prayer Book. As usual with weak men, he exaggerated his case
largely, and laid himself open to the remonstrance of the Bishop of
London, and to the fiery castigation of the Bishop of Oxford, who
really went at him like a good one. If anybody is scandalised at this
familiar way of talking about a Bishop, which would of course be
highly objectionable among ordinary circumstances (no, Mr. Cox,
not “under” ordinary circumstances, for circumstances are things !