DOI Heft:
June 7, 1862
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16869#0232
224
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 7, 1862.
around you, and how can you be under them ?), let those persons know
that the Bishop himself selected curious illustrations, said that he did
not find university men “ tail off,” on account of the Act of Uniformity,
and likened Lord Ebtjrt’s imaginary array of excluded clergy to the
supernumeraries who represent an army on the stage of a country
theatre. Lord Russell came to Lord Ebury’s help against the
hierarchs, and so did Lord Shaetesbury, who, as Bishop-maker, seemed
to think that his Bishops had no right to show fight without his leave.
But the Bill was got rid of, and it appears to be the understanding
amongst the heads of the Church that you are to give your assent to the
Prayer Book not as you would sign an affidavit you are going to swear
to, but in a general way, and like a man of the world. Bishop Punch
may have his own ideas on that subject, but he reserves them for his next
Charge.
Sir Hugh Cairns, who was Lord Derby’s eloquent Solicitor,
moved an address for a Commission to inquire into the working of
the Patent Laws. There are about 14,000 patents, and great num bers
of them are said to have been obtained by way of traps to catch the
unwary, or extinguish rivals, and great numbers more are said to be
worthless, trivial and in the way. Lord Stanley seconded the
motion, and Sir William; Atherton thought a case had been made
out for inquiry. Mr. Punch will be happy to attend before the Com-
missioners and explain his Patent for delighting and instructing the
world, a patent which no pirate has ever been able to violate successfully,
though the attempt has been made a good many times.
Then Mr. Berkeley played a trick with his celebrated conjuring
box, and cleverly sold the House. He was going to make one of his
usual speeches upon the Ballot, when he happened to look at his
audience. The mass of the Members had gone away, and he was
clearly in a majority. He shut his mouth, snatched a division, and
actually got leave, by 83 to 50 to bring in his Bill, another Bill for taking
votes by Ballot at municipal elections also being carried. The trick
■was very neatly performed, and drew good-humoured applause from
Lord Palmerston. Berkeley’s wisest course would now be not to
proceed with the Bill, but to trumpet his victory until next session.
Smart, and American, but in keeping.
Mr. Whalley is growing a nuisance with his Anti-Catholic
speeches. Dear old Mr. Spooner was all very well—he gave us one
good Maynooth day,» and there was an end till next year. But
Whalley buzzes about Maynooth like an enraged blue-fly, and is
always bobbing in the faces of the Catholics. This is wrong, and more-
over it is bad taste. Mr. Bright gave him a good flip to-night, but if
he does not stop, we shall have to spin him, and if that won’t do, to
scrunch him. We have a good many objections to a good many things
which the Catholics say and do. but we don’t nag like an ill-conditioned
woman. Mr. Whalley will be good enough to accept this inti-
mation.
The House sat a short time on the Bill about Educating Pauper
Children, and then addressed itself to Scotch Salmon. 0 my brethren,
what, a good thing is a Scotch salmon! O the firmness, and O my
beloved brethren, that curdiness ! Bless the House of Commons if,
contrary to human expectation, it is doing any good in the matter of
that fish.
Wednesday. Eish again, but this time it was Irish fish. Lord Fermoy
emitted the excellent dictum, that the best thing you can teach an
Irishman is that Heaven helps those who help themselves. _ We always
help ourselves to fish when we can. A Bill intended to improve the
Irish piscatory interest was read a Second Time.
Colonel White won at Kidderminster. Mr. Huddleston with-
drew, having discovered that the Government candidate was to win;
but another Conservative gentleman, Mr. Talbot, thought that the
trade of Kidderminster—not the carpet trade—ought to be encouraged,
so he good-naturedly fought the battle, and was defeated, of course, but
by a very small majority, for the electors like in their turn to encourage
candidates with money. One of these days Kidderminster will be hung
up in terrorem, as Gloucester was, and indeed so Mr. Talbot must
nave thought, if he dropped the following exquisite epigram on the
hustings :—
“ THE KIDDERMINSTER KITE.
“ Destined, are Kidderminster’s carpets
To be nailed down upon the floor;
Destined is Kidderminster’s borough
To be nailed up against the door.”
Thursday. “ O most accomplished Christopher,” what is Herat to
you ? Are you satisfied now ? Lord Palmerston tells you that there
is nothing the matter out there, though certainly the ruler of Herat
had been to Foolah. Suppose you went there also, do you think
you should find yourself at home? Seriously, Darby, do attend
to Devizes, and let Persia alone. Do you apprehend us, Grlfeith ?
Lord Palmerston “thought ” it was not usual to sit on the Derby
Wednesday. (Laughter.) It is very usual to sit on that day while one
is at lunch, as Lord Palmerston shall see if he will come up to Mr.
Punch’s drag, opposite the Grand Stand, and try his Moselle.
There was a long discussion on the Irish Poor Belief Bill, in the
course of which it was suggested that if a deserted and unknown child
were found, it should be brought up in the religion of the policeman
who might discover it. The course might be about as rational as
certain other courses which are adopted in such cases.
Friday. Lord Derby is a sportsman, and probably a fisherman. At
all events he knows that when we are going to fish for gudgeons, we
previously rake the bottom, and throw ground bait about. There was
going to be a great party-battle in the Commons, and Mr. Disraeli
would like to catch all the votes he can. So on the Third Beading
of the Budget Bill to-night a debate upon our Finances was got up,
and Lord Derby expressed the terror and horror which he was kind
enough to feel about our condition. He dwelt upon the necessity
of economy, and went as near as was decorous to implying promises
that if a Conservative Government should come in, there should be con-
siderable reductions in the national expenditure. The ultra-liberal
gudgeons began to cluster round the bait next day. The debate was a
spirited one, Mr. Gladstone was severely pitched into by his enemies,
and not very warmly defended by his friends, and before these lines are
read by creation generally, it will know something of the result of Lord
Derby’s baiting.
Lord Palmerston, by way of foiling the plans of his amiable oppo-
nents, gave notice of an amendment to the motion which was to bring
on the fray. Mr. Stanseeld, the Badical member for Halifax, is to
make a Betrenchment motion, and Lord Palmerston, the Conserva-
tive Member for Tiverton, is to move, as amendment, that the House
is of opinion that the nation must be prolected, but that it is pleased
with past and hopeful of future redactions. In effect, the Ministry
moves a vote of confidence in itself.
Mr. Boebuck had a grievance. One Jones has called himself
Herbert without buying a Boyal Licence to do so—these licences are
expensive luxuries. So the Lord Chamberlain won’t let him be pre-
sented, the Horse-Guards won’t call him Herbert when he comes out
as a militia man, and Sir George Grey won’t call him Justice
Herbert. Tear’em says that Jones is wronged, and this important
question is to be brought before Parliament.
A debate on the Purchase and Sale of Army Commissions followed,
on a motion of gallant old Sir De Lacy Evans, who, Mr. Punch is
sorry to say, was almost inaudible, and Sir G. Lewis had to re-state
the case for the veteran. Lord Stanley spoke very strongly against
the system—will Lord Stanley’s father alter it, if he comes in ? Lord
Palmerston, who has taken to quote a good deal of Latin lately, said
In dubiis siste, which Mr. Cox applauded, thinking Pam meant that the
purchase arrangements were a dubious system, ana that he was opposed
to them. But Mr. Cox’s applause was premature, as his Lordship
went the other way. So did the House, having been frightened by
being told that it would take Seven Millions of money to re-arrange the
Army, and the division gave 247 to 62 in favour of non-interference,
But Lord Stanley prophesied that “ in a quarter of a century not a
rag of the purchase system would remain in the British Army.” On
the last day of May 1887, we shall take the liberty of recalling the words
to his Lordship’s recollection, in the mean time we hope he will enjoy
himself, and will begin at the Derby on Wednesday,_when, if he does
not mind meeting Pam, he also may come to: our carriage and liquor.
An Irish question brought up Mr. Scully, and of course “the
Honourable Member had scarcely uttered a sentence when the House
was Counted Out.”
An Out-of-the-Way Journey.
We read that the Archduke Maximilian is coming oyer to the
Exhibition. It is very strange—we didn’t know that Kensington was
on the road to Mexico ? Perhaps, however, his object is to buy his
crown and sceptre and coronation jewels. We hope that Messrs.
Hunt and Boskell, Emmanuel, (xarrard and Co., will pay this
future Kingling every possible attention. They should advertise in-
stantly for an authentic copy of the “ crown of the Moutezumas,” so
that they may be ready faithfully to copy it (if needed) as a pattern.
Extraordinary Gallantry of French Husbands.
A French manager has hit upon a beautiful expedient for filling his
theatre ; which was formerly not patronised at all. He has advertised
that ladies shall be admitted at half price, the children at quarter pace,
and babies for nothing! The consequence is, that the wives force their
husbands to take them. All the cafes and estaminets in the town are
quite deserted.
A VERY EASY ONE TO GUESS.
W hy are the Germans like quinine and gentian ?
Because they are Two-tonics.
International Liberality.—We take it for granted that when,
the Emperor comes over to the Exhibition, the Commissioners will
make him pay for his admission ?
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[June 7, 1862.
around you, and how can you be under them ?), let those persons know
that the Bishop himself selected curious illustrations, said that he did
not find university men “ tail off,” on account of the Act of Uniformity,
and likened Lord Ebtjrt’s imaginary array of excluded clergy to the
supernumeraries who represent an army on the stage of a country
theatre. Lord Russell came to Lord Ebury’s help against the
hierarchs, and so did Lord Shaetesbury, who, as Bishop-maker, seemed
to think that his Bishops had no right to show fight without his leave.
But the Bill was got rid of, and it appears to be the understanding
amongst the heads of the Church that you are to give your assent to the
Prayer Book not as you would sign an affidavit you are going to swear
to, but in a general way, and like a man of the world. Bishop Punch
may have his own ideas on that subject, but he reserves them for his next
Charge.
Sir Hugh Cairns, who was Lord Derby’s eloquent Solicitor,
moved an address for a Commission to inquire into the working of
the Patent Laws. There are about 14,000 patents, and great num bers
of them are said to have been obtained by way of traps to catch the
unwary, or extinguish rivals, and great numbers more are said to be
worthless, trivial and in the way. Lord Stanley seconded the
motion, and Sir William; Atherton thought a case had been made
out for inquiry. Mr. Punch will be happy to attend before the Com-
missioners and explain his Patent for delighting and instructing the
world, a patent which no pirate has ever been able to violate successfully,
though the attempt has been made a good many times.
Then Mr. Berkeley played a trick with his celebrated conjuring
box, and cleverly sold the House. He was going to make one of his
usual speeches upon the Ballot, when he happened to look at his
audience. The mass of the Members had gone away, and he was
clearly in a majority. He shut his mouth, snatched a division, and
actually got leave, by 83 to 50 to bring in his Bill, another Bill for taking
votes by Ballot at municipal elections also being carried. The trick
■was very neatly performed, and drew good-humoured applause from
Lord Palmerston. Berkeley’s wisest course would now be not to
proceed with the Bill, but to trumpet his victory until next session.
Smart, and American, but in keeping.
Mr. Whalley is growing a nuisance with his Anti-Catholic
speeches. Dear old Mr. Spooner was all very well—he gave us one
good Maynooth day,» and there was an end till next year. But
Whalley buzzes about Maynooth like an enraged blue-fly, and is
always bobbing in the faces of the Catholics. This is wrong, and more-
over it is bad taste. Mr. Bright gave him a good flip to-night, but if
he does not stop, we shall have to spin him, and if that won’t do, to
scrunch him. We have a good many objections to a good many things
which the Catholics say and do. but we don’t nag like an ill-conditioned
woman. Mr. Whalley will be good enough to accept this inti-
mation.
The House sat a short time on the Bill about Educating Pauper
Children, and then addressed itself to Scotch Salmon. 0 my brethren,
what, a good thing is a Scotch salmon! O the firmness, and O my
beloved brethren, that curdiness ! Bless the House of Commons if,
contrary to human expectation, it is doing any good in the matter of
that fish.
Wednesday. Eish again, but this time it was Irish fish. Lord Fermoy
emitted the excellent dictum, that the best thing you can teach an
Irishman is that Heaven helps those who help themselves. _ We always
help ourselves to fish when we can. A Bill intended to improve the
Irish piscatory interest was read a Second Time.
Colonel White won at Kidderminster. Mr. Huddleston with-
drew, having discovered that the Government candidate was to win;
but another Conservative gentleman, Mr. Talbot, thought that the
trade of Kidderminster—not the carpet trade—ought to be encouraged,
so he good-naturedly fought the battle, and was defeated, of course, but
by a very small majority, for the electors like in their turn to encourage
candidates with money. One of these days Kidderminster will be hung
up in terrorem, as Gloucester was, and indeed so Mr. Talbot must
nave thought, if he dropped the following exquisite epigram on the
hustings :—
“ THE KIDDERMINSTER KITE.
“ Destined, are Kidderminster’s carpets
To be nailed down upon the floor;
Destined is Kidderminster’s borough
To be nailed up against the door.”
Thursday. “ O most accomplished Christopher,” what is Herat to
you ? Are you satisfied now ? Lord Palmerston tells you that there
is nothing the matter out there, though certainly the ruler of Herat
had been to Foolah. Suppose you went there also, do you think
you should find yourself at home? Seriously, Darby, do attend
to Devizes, and let Persia alone. Do you apprehend us, Grlfeith ?
Lord Palmerston “thought ” it was not usual to sit on the Derby
Wednesday. (Laughter.) It is very usual to sit on that day while one
is at lunch, as Lord Palmerston shall see if he will come up to Mr.
Punch’s drag, opposite the Grand Stand, and try his Moselle.
There was a long discussion on the Irish Poor Belief Bill, in the
course of which it was suggested that if a deserted and unknown child
were found, it should be brought up in the religion of the policeman
who might discover it. The course might be about as rational as
certain other courses which are adopted in such cases.
Friday. Lord Derby is a sportsman, and probably a fisherman. At
all events he knows that when we are going to fish for gudgeons, we
previously rake the bottom, and throw ground bait about. There was
going to be a great party-battle in the Commons, and Mr. Disraeli
would like to catch all the votes he can. So on the Third Beading
of the Budget Bill to-night a debate upon our Finances was got up,
and Lord Derby expressed the terror and horror which he was kind
enough to feel about our condition. He dwelt upon the necessity
of economy, and went as near as was decorous to implying promises
that if a Conservative Government should come in, there should be con-
siderable reductions in the national expenditure. The ultra-liberal
gudgeons began to cluster round the bait next day. The debate was a
spirited one, Mr. Gladstone was severely pitched into by his enemies,
and not very warmly defended by his friends, and before these lines are
read by creation generally, it will know something of the result of Lord
Derby’s baiting.
Lord Palmerston, by way of foiling the plans of his amiable oppo-
nents, gave notice of an amendment to the motion which was to bring
on the fray. Mr. Stanseeld, the Badical member for Halifax, is to
make a Betrenchment motion, and Lord Palmerston, the Conserva-
tive Member for Tiverton, is to move, as amendment, that the House
is of opinion that the nation must be prolected, but that it is pleased
with past and hopeful of future redactions. In effect, the Ministry
moves a vote of confidence in itself.
Mr. Boebuck had a grievance. One Jones has called himself
Herbert without buying a Boyal Licence to do so—these licences are
expensive luxuries. So the Lord Chamberlain won’t let him be pre-
sented, the Horse-Guards won’t call him Herbert when he comes out
as a militia man, and Sir George Grey won’t call him Justice
Herbert. Tear’em says that Jones is wronged, and this important
question is to be brought before Parliament.
A debate on the Purchase and Sale of Army Commissions followed,
on a motion of gallant old Sir De Lacy Evans, who, Mr. Punch is
sorry to say, was almost inaudible, and Sir G. Lewis had to re-state
the case for the veteran. Lord Stanley spoke very strongly against
the system—will Lord Stanley’s father alter it, if he comes in ? Lord
Palmerston, who has taken to quote a good deal of Latin lately, said
In dubiis siste, which Mr. Cox applauded, thinking Pam meant that the
purchase arrangements were a dubious system, ana that he was opposed
to them. But Mr. Cox’s applause was premature, as his Lordship
went the other way. So did the House, having been frightened by
being told that it would take Seven Millions of money to re-arrange the
Army, and the division gave 247 to 62 in favour of non-interference,
But Lord Stanley prophesied that “ in a quarter of a century not a
rag of the purchase system would remain in the British Army.” On
the last day of May 1887, we shall take the liberty of recalling the words
to his Lordship’s recollection, in the mean time we hope he will enjoy
himself, and will begin at the Derby on Wednesday,_when, if he does
not mind meeting Pam, he also may come to: our carriage and liquor.
An Irish question brought up Mr. Scully, and of course “the
Honourable Member had scarcely uttered a sentence when the House
was Counted Out.”
An Out-of-the-Way Journey.
We read that the Archduke Maximilian is coming oyer to the
Exhibition. It is very strange—we didn’t know that Kensington was
on the road to Mexico ? Perhaps, however, his object is to buy his
crown and sceptre and coronation jewels. We hope that Messrs.
Hunt and Boskell, Emmanuel, (xarrard and Co., will pay this
future Kingling every possible attention. They should advertise in-
stantly for an authentic copy of the “ crown of the Moutezumas,” so
that they may be ready faithfully to copy it (if needed) as a pattern.
Extraordinary Gallantry of French Husbands.
A French manager has hit upon a beautiful expedient for filling his
theatre ; which was formerly not patronised at all. He has advertised
that ladies shall be admitted at half price, the children at quarter pace,
and babies for nothing! The consequence is, that the wives force their
husbands to take them. All the cafes and estaminets in the town are
quite deserted.
A VERY EASY ONE TO GUESS.
W hy are the Germans like quinine and gentian ?
Because they are Two-tonics.
International Liberality.—We take it for granted that when,
the Emperor comes over to the Exhibition, the Commissioners will
make him pay for his admission ?