Punch (42.1862)

2S

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[January 18, 1862.

=4

A ROAR FROM JOHN BULL.

I am a Bull, a quiet Bull;

Wish not to quarrel any more :

No lambkin milder walks in wool;

Until provoked, I never gore:
xind that’s just why, when forced to fight,
To push and toss I do not cease,

With all my soul and strength and might,
Until I re-establish peace.

A Bull I am begirt with brutes,

Wolves, bears, and tigers, beasts of prey,
I wish they’d mind their own pursuits,

And not keep getting in my way.

My aim is ever to stand clear
Of all concern with their affairs;

But not a jot I’ll yield, for fear
Of any tigers, wolves, or bears.

Those Yankees, when they knew that I
Don’t like it, oh! how could they be
Such stupid creatures as to try
To injure and impose on me ?

They’ve seen what I can bear, and spend,
Aggressive insolence to stem,

War I should rue; but, in the end,
’Twould be a great deal worse for them.

Would aliens only not molest,

Me, and each other leave alone,

No more for self-defence assessed
Should I beneath taxation groan ;

On this or that, or t’other side,

Some neighbour always menaced by,
Armed to the teeth I’m forced to bide;

Oh, what an ill-used Bull am I!

IN THE CLOAK ROOM OE OUR CLUB.

The above amusement is Innocence and IIarmlessness-itself—but -would it not have been
wiser first to have shut the inner door l

The American Complaint.

We read that the New York Banks have suspended cash
payments. Coin is becoming so scarce that Barnum is
about to advertise ‘[A Dollar on View!!” at his
Museum. Poor America never was in such a fearfully low
state, and, with her credit and constitution shaken as
they are, we are sorely puzzled t.o know however she will
get over this terrible attack of tick-dollar-zux ?

PREACHING AND PLAYING.

Sir,

“ A Correspondent of the Times, under the signature of
‘An English Churchman,’ complains that the Bishop op Rochester’s
test for insuring the ability of clergymen to read, is inadequate. The
bishop requires candidates for ordination to produce certificates of the
sufficiency of their voice from their parish priest, or some personal
friend, and to stand a trial of their audible powers in a church, by a
reverend examiner appointed by the prelate himself for that purpose.
The success of this plan is intimated by the ‘ English Churchman ’ to
be small.

“If the Bishop op Rochester, and his brethren in lawn, were
accustomed to patronise the drama as much as they might, considering
the highly respectable and moral character which it now bears, they
would see how the voice of a young actor, if inaudible, very soon gets
raised to the required pitch; • Cries of ‘ Speak up! ’ resounding from
both the upper and lower regions of the house generally produce an
immediate rise of tone. The would-be performer soon learns how to
render the request unnecessary, or perceives the necessity of retiring
from the stage. Now, could not the stage be used as a school for the
pulpit? We do sometimes observe ability in the pulpit which would
have made a fortune on the stage ?

“I donY mean, Mr. Hunch, to propose that young clergymen should,
as a condition to ordination, be required to go through a series of
representations of such performances as Turning the Tables, High Life
Below Stairs, or Box and Cox, as these are imbued with a comicality
perhaps rather too broad to be consistent with the decorum expected of
a candidate for orders, though they would serve admirably to train up
a youth intended for the Tabernacle in the way he should preach, or
lecture on Shrews and the Gorilla. Nor do I even suggest Macbeth or
Othello, or Bichard III.; though the bishops surely might stand Hamlet.
But why not let the’prentice parsons practise elocution in the perform-
ance of mysteries and miracle-plays, which some of your young men
might write as well as any of Cardinal Wiseman’s, who dramatised

his Fabiola for him—unless he did it himself. Let us have a new
clerical playhouse, built, if necessary, in one of the mediaeval styles
of architecture, to be called ‘ The Bishops’ ’ or ‘ The Bishops’
Theatre,’ and further styled ‘Theatre Episcopal.’ This might be a
High Church Theatre; the opposite party might give their series
of serious performances in Exeter Hall. The money taken at the
doors might, after defraying the necessary expenses, go to purposes of
Church Extension; High Church Extension on the one hand, and Low
Church Extension on the other; whilst the Broad Church likewise
might open a House of its own, and raise funds with a view to Broad
Church Extension. Each House might play its own peculiar class of
pieces, and, contemporary dramatic talent failing to yield a suitable
supply, they might all at any time fall back upon the Sacred Dramas of
Mrs. Hannah More.

“ One important advantage of the establishment of clerical theatres
would be, that they would afford employment in the capacities of walking
reverend gentlemen, supernumeraries, and scene-shifters, to those ne-
cessitous clergymen now out of work, for whom if the Church can find
nothing better to do, and cannot afford them out-door relief, it might as
well provide them with theatrical engagements at any rate as leave
them to starve. What would the spiritual peers say just now to a
Serious Pantomime, in which poor young Curates might appear as
Clown and Harlequin, then wives as Columbine, and aged and decrepit
clergymen as Pantaloon? That the idea is absurd? Not so absurd,
Mr. Punch, as the starvation of clergymen amidst ecclesiastical plenty.
Such at least is the opinion of your constant subscriber and devoted
admirer, “ Gravitas.”

“ P.S. A sort of clerical dramatic entertainment is now m course of
performance in the Court of Arches. I allude to the farce of Sarum
v. Williams, which seems rather likely to have a run.”

MOTTO FOR A ROFE-WALKER.
“ Funis coronat opus.”